MaAn Love

Chai Pe Charcha - Part 2

Writer's Note: The main dialogues in this chapter (including Anu's) will be in English. There was a lot I wanted to convey from Anuj's PoV and I didn't want the message getting lost in translation.

As the lazy Sunday traffic moved below, chirping from birds heading home for the day sounded above. The evening Sun drenched Anuj in a pinkish hue as he sat in his balcony staring into the distance, lost in thought. Loud purrs from Kat and tiny yelps from a scratched up Mukku sounded from inside their home as the balcony door opened and Anu stepped out with chai and some snacks. She paused a moment in mild surprise at the lack of reaction from her husband. This was the first time since they met, that she had walked into a room he was in, with no reaction from him. In fact he was so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn't realised she had come into the balcony at all.

Anu cleared her throat as she placed the tray on the lounge table and sat down, bringing Anuj back to the present. Offering him tea she repeated her earlier question, "Toh ab bataiye... aap kabhi baap banna chahte the?" Anuj took a sip thoughtfully and commented, "Chai acha banna hai, aaj thoda different hai." Anu patiently replied, "Aaj chai Mukku ne banaya... toh usne thoda zyada masala daal diya." Anuj looked like he hadn't heard Anu at all. "Hmmm... Mukkuuu..." he said, as if talking to himself.

"Mukku was 10 when my parents passed away, you know?" Anuj turned suddenly and addressed Anu as if she had just appeared before him. Anu nodded, not wanting to interrupt. "When you're 25 and you have an orphaned 10 year old with you, she stops being your sister. She becomes your child overnight. Mukku took a year to recover from her physical injuries. All those physiotherapy sessions, hospital stays, taking over dad's work, even with kaka's help, was a lot. A year later her night terrors started - waking up screaming at night, sleep walking... sometimes she would wet the bed. I didn't have the usual 9 months to prepare to be a parent. I had to learn on the go. I used to sleep in a sleeping bag just outside her room door so I could put her back to sleep if she started sleep walking."

Anuj paused to take another sip of his tea and collect his thoughts. Anu reached over and squeezed his hand as if to give him the strength to continue. He chuckled slightly, "But you know when I felt the most clueless? When she had her first period, three years later... I knew what was happening. But I wasn't even remotely prepared for how bad her cramps were or why she had such bad mood swings. My mom never had any of this. Nidhi was a blessing at the time. She helped both of us through this and I got better at anticipating Mukku's moods." Anu suddenly realised why Anuj was so good at anticipating HER needs when she had her periods and her eyes welled up. Anuj continued not noticing this, "Mukku stopped being my sister 20 years ago. She IS my child, so I never felt like I missed out on being a parent. If we had married when we were younger... yes I would have wanted a big family... I think."

He suddenly turned to look at Anu, "You know I saw you pregnant? Full belly and all?" Anu looked taken aback. "Yes... You were pregnant with Pakhi. 17 years ago I had to come back to India on some property related work and Devika had told me where you lived. I still don't know why I came... or what I expected to see..." He shook his head as if trying to understand his own reasoning. "It was beautiful and soul crushing at the same time. I saw you struggling to move around trying to get Samar and Toshu to eat. You were glowing, you looked radiant but I also saw the dark circles, the wince when your back hurt from standing too long and the swollen feet. There was something else... I didn't understand... you were smiling but there was something different..." As he trailed off, Anu looked down suddenly interested in her chai. Anuj continued, oblivious "In that moment, for a split second, I wanted that. But it went away... and now..." Anuj said finally addressing her question, "Now... Anu you have three kids, you raised them... got two of them married too. Why would you want to have another child?"

Anu looked at him and smiled, "You always do this you know... You always make this relationship about me and my choices. But it's not just me here. This relationship is ours. Decisions in this relationship should be ours not mine or yours alone. Yes, I had three children and at 45 it'll be harder but if we, together decide to start a family, there are ways to help us get pregnant, no? Dolly had Meenu via IVF. We could try that?" Anuj shook his head, "Anu do you know how complicated IVF is even for younger women? I saw Devika go through it and fail. Complications only increase as we grow older, chances decrease and if God forbid, we lose the baby mid pregnancy, then? I cannot put the one person I love the most through that kind of emotional turmoil." Anu protested, "Anuj... so you're not letting yourself even think of being a father because you don't want to see me go through a tough pregnancy. But you're forgetting that I love you too. How will I..." Anuj interrupted, his eyes on Mukku who was in the living room with Kat, chasing the kitten while trying to give it, its medicine "Tell me something... if we had a dish full of kichdi in our fridge... would you cook dinner that night?" Anu looked confused, "Huh? No... why would we make fresh food when we have food ready to consume?" "Exactly!" Anuj replied. "Why, when the world is full of orphaned children waiting to be loved, would we create new ones?" Anu looked at her husband, comprehension dawning on her face.

"I am not saying noone should have babies until all the orphaned children are adopted or that it's selfish or wrong to want children of your own. But in our case, where you've already gone through pregnancy three times, if all we want now is a child to call our own, why not adopt one that is longing to belong to parents of her or his own? Anu, I will love any child that sits on your lap, plays with your hair and calls you mummy, as my own, with all my heart", he said, reaching over to tuck a strand of loose hair blowing in the light breeze, behind her ear. Anu smiled and waited, listening.

"Have I told you my adoption story?" Anu shook her head, leaning in slightly, intrigued to know more about her husband's past. "I was 6 years old when I was adopted. There was a play area that had the view of the entrance and I used to sit on the swing, craning my neck trying to get a look at who came and went. I didn't understand what was going on but once in a while I would see a couple come by and leave with a baby and they looked happy. I never understood why those babies never came back. I had no concept of day/ month or year. I only knew it was my birthday because the custodian there would give me a silver coin and then help me hide it. He was the only friend I had there. The younger kids were quiet and stayed only for short periods while the older kids were mean and would steal my lunch. Once in a while couples would come and talk to me, the custodian standing behind them and the head of the orphanage giving me an encouraging smile... and then I would never see them again. Finally one day THEY came... they asked me if I remember them... I shook my head because I didn't. The lady had kind eyes and she smiled as she pushed my sliding glasses up my nose and asked if I wanted to go home. I was confused and I looked for my friend. He motioned that I should say yes so I did. I went to their home... it was HUGE... and I got my own room which was scary as I was used to staying with six other boys in one room and... I missed my friend. I must have cried non-stop for a week thinking of him" Anuj paused taking a deep breath.

Anu asked "Phir?" Anuj stood up and motioned Anu to stay seated. Her eyes followed him as he made his way to the living room and saw him pick up a small silver chest from one of the shelves. Anuj came back smiling slightly and open the chest as he sat down. The chest was filled with silver coins "Phir... papa went back to the orphanage and offered the custodian a job at our house as caretaker. Lucky for me... he accepted" Anuj said pointing back to the living room. Anu turned and saw kaka standing over a table trying to read a text on his phone. Anu turned back surprised "Matlab? Woh custodian... kaka the?" Anuj nodded smiling with tears in his eyes.

He held her hands in his and brought them to his chest "Anu, tumne poocha... kya mein baap banna chahta hoon... haan, I do want to be a parent... abhi nahi... maybe a year or two years from now... par I want to adopt a child... a child that is over 5 yrs of age. As these kids grow older, their chance of being adopted reduces. An older orphaned child is just as deserving of love as a new born baby. So why not adopt an older kid?" Anuj looked at Anu, searching her face for any clue about how she felt. Anu squeezed his hands and gently pulled her hands free. Cupping his face, she said "Every child is an avatar of Laddoo Gopal... Irrespective of whether we find ours in an orphanage or make one ourselves. When we both feel the time is right... we will bring home our Kanha..." "Or Radha?" Anuj chimed. Anu laughed, nodding her head in agreement and finished the rest of her tea.

Suddenly something small and black shot past their legs and a tired Mukku exclaimed from behind, "Kat dawai lene se mana kar rahi hai. Aap dono ka chai pe charcha katham ho gaya hai toh please meri help kijiye."

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