I took one cold step on the road. There were so many people I needed to apologize to. Evelyn. Judy. Jackie. Viktor. Misty. Panam. River. Kerry. Rogue. Everyone who had gotten dragged into the mess I had created. But most importantly. I needed to apologize to V. I wrecked his entire life.
I knew I was supposed to take over his body. I had done so much damage to it. But I couldn't bring myself to take it. If I had taken it, I could've gotten a good few years out of it. But instead I left it to V, who got six months at most.
It was too late to apologize. I thought I was supposed to become part of Alt. Part of something greater. But clearly, this was just Night City. I'd walked these streets a hundred times. But looking up at the glittering lights of Watson, I knew this wasn't right. I was dead. And not relic-dead. I was properly dead.
I'd have to figure that out another time. I wanted a drink. I didn't want to forget, but I didn't know what else to do about the emotions I was feeling. God, if I ever forgot V.. If I forgot about V somehow, I think I'd deserve to be locked in the engram hell again. Cold empty void.
It felt so real. I could feel the cold biting at my skin. I could feel every little crack in the sidewalk. I ran my fingers over the rusted road barrier. Yep, I could feel that too. But it couldn't be real. If it was real, I'd still be hearing the gunshots of Arasaka tower ringing across the city, and I'd be watching V fight for his goddamn life in his own fucking body.
Could I ever forgive myself? For what I did? I killed so many, as just an act of rebellion. Then I did it again, as a desperate attempt at saving my friend. What was wrong with me? Tomorrow's problem. It'd have to be tomorrow's problem.
Alright. I had arrived at The Afterlife. Just as I was intending. The route always seemed so familiar. It was honestly muscle memory at that point. An empty bar stool caught my eye. This was going to be a long night, the first of many.
I took a seat, looking at what felt so familiar yet so foreign. I sighed, taking in the neon lights and cold air, stinking of alcohol. The bartender spun over to me, high on life.
"What can I getcha?" They asked me. Several shades of purple hair bounced against their face, almost completely shielding the rainbow eyes they sported. "Tequila old fashioned, splash of beer, chili garnish." I recited the words that had come out of my mouth so often it became routine. "Ahh, a good pick. A favourite of Johnny Silverhand. Know 'im?" Cat, the name tag had read.
"Yeah, I've heard of him." I always loved these interactions. "Niice. His music is- Hey, wait a minute. You kinda look like the man." They brushed some hair out of their face, squinting at me. "Oh, so I've been told." I cracked a small smirk. A small beam of happiness in an otherwise destroyed life. A grey ray of hope in an empty void. A desperate attempt of clinging onto any positive emotion.
"Ah, whatever. Well, looks like yer' gonna be here awhile. What's your name?" Cat started pouring the drink, a faint smile on their face. "Johnny." I watched the glass fill, just barely sparking onto the floor. "....Silverhand?" They poured the beer, looking me directly in the eye. "Yeah, Silverhand." I placed my arm on the table, awaiting the glass.
"Finally managed to kick it did ya?" They put the glass down, leaning on the counter. "50 years in a digital prison, couple of weeks as an engram.. Ain't that fun?" I said, picking up the glass. Never could decide whether it tasted good or not, but it sure did the trick.
"Sounds like a trip. Guessing you went out in the same incident as Rogue?" They asked, pouring another without question. They knew me well here. "Yeah... She still the queen of the Afterlife here?" I took another sip, downing the rest of the drink. "Not even death can kick her outta that spot." They laughed, placing the second glass.
