Myself

Lost

It's funny, isn't it? How one day you can feel so powerful, so alive, so free. But on the very next one, you can feel like they broke you apart, like you want to give up, like if there were chains all over you trying to stop you from living your life...

I don't even know what I'm aiming for as I write this. I just want the world to know that I'm not okay. It's like I'm craving attention, like the things I've done for myself haven't been enough to get rid of the overwhelming thoughts in my head. What am I meant to do if this doesn't work? I don't want to hurt myself, I'd never do that! I just want to be at peace for once, even if it's just for a moment...

This world really doesn't make any sense. I mean, how can life be so weird and unfair!? Can't we be happy? Why is it that us out of all people have to fix everything? What makes Flockya think I can just magically restore the peace that was once existent here? Why can't they think about my feelings? Why can't they consider that I have a life on my own and that I'd need to trash it to solve this mess? It's not okay, I'm not okay.

Fuck, if only I could actually tell someone about this. I can't let them know that I really don't want to keep on fighting. Not even Penny can know! If anyone at all did, they'd just get in the way, they'd stop the inevitable, they'd put theirselves in danger... I guess I'll just, push forward. Try to beat all the challenges that are put in my way without hesitating on my choices. Maybe like that I'll get everything out of the way. Perhaps that will lead to me to my freedom instead of me being in the need of creating one of my own. Maybe, just maybe, that will be the way I find my path out of this torturing maze. That way, I won't feel lost anymore. I'd finally be free. I wouldn't feel lost, I wouldn't feel lost...