Eddsworld: Tord's Trials

Chapter 3

[EDD'S POV]

Okay, this is terrible. No, straight up HORRIBLE. Apparently, the average person walks past at least 11 murderers in their lifetime. Imagine one of them being your best friend since preschool. Yeah, I know life is meant to be hard, but I can assure you that NOBODY has gone through a kind of hell like this. 
I knew Tord was an… interesting fellow. He always liked guns, violence, hentai, the like. But, despite those things, I never saw him as… evil. Yet here we are.
As much as it hurt to think about, we needed a way to end his tyranny.

"So," I begin to my audience consisting of Matt, Tom, and my cat Ringo, "what should we do first?"
"Harpoons. We need harpoons for sure," said Tom. I just shake my head.
"We need an actual plan, Tom."
"Yeah, I know. The actual plan needs harpoons in it," said Tom.
"Which is…?" I glare at Tom, waiting for a response. And he just gives me an annoyed look.
Matt then raises his hand.
"Yes, Matt?" I ask.
"Why don't we ask Tord?"
Tom and I just look at him confused.
Tom then pipes out, "Are you BRAINDEAD? He JUST tried to kill us!"
Matt then attempts to justify his statement: "Well, I thought if we were trying to stop him, we just ask what HE would do!"
"And why the hell would he tell US his weaknesses, even if he WASN'T a complete psychopath?" questioned Tom.
"Uhhhh…" Matt has run out of excuses at this point, but I realized he was actually onto something.
"Maybe Matt has a point, Tom," I explain.
"I do?" Matt asks me. "Well, of COURSE I do, heh!"
"Don't tell me YOU'VE gone braindead too, Edd. Weren't you, I dunno, the SMART one?" a very confused yet sort of pissed Tom asks me.
"Well, if we want to stop Tord and his army, we need to THINK like Tord," I explain. "If he was here, how would he stop himself?"
Tom was about to say something, probably how what I just said was bull, but he stops himself and thinks.
"Hmm… that… actually sort of makes sense. I take back what I said you two, you aren't half-bad you guys," said Tom.
Matt cheers and tackle-hugs Tom, knocking him to the ground. Just as Tom gets up, I decide to hug him along with Matt.
Tom and Matt mean a lot to me. With Tord betraying us, they're my closest friends. We stopped him together before, and we're going to do it again and save the world!
"Alright, sentimental moment over, now can you idiots get off me?" Tom snapped.
We all break from the hug, but Matt looks a bit sad. "Hey, he didn't mean to call you an idiot. He's just naturally cynical," I tell him.
"Damn right," Tom agreed.
"So, uh… what's the plan again?" asked Matt.
"Well, as you and I said, we need to figure out what Tord would do in this situation," I explain.
"Read hentai, be a bitch, guns…"
"Tom, I know you hate Tord's guts, but we need the things he'd do that are actually USEFUL."
"Exactly."
"Good god, now's not the time for sarcasm! Why DID you even hate each other, even BEFORE the robot thing?! It never made any se-!"
"Guys, GUYS!!" Matt yells out. Tom and I turn to look at him. "You need to stop stressing out, it doesn't do anyone any good!"
I sigh and agree with Matt. "Yeah, you're right."
"Now if you excuse me, I'm going to make muffins now!"
"And how will THAT help?" Tom asks.
"Hey, muffins relieve stress! Can’t think while you’re hungry,” Matt explained.
“Who’s the mom friend here, you or me?” I playfully jab at Matt.
“It is I who is the mom friend now, Edd! YOUR duty is to make a plan!”
“YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MOM-”
“HEY!”
Matt and I turn to Tom in surprise that HE was the one breaking a fight rather than being part of one for once.
“You can BOTH be the mom friend. But Matt has another point; we need to start on the goddamn plan already!"
Matt then starts tearing up.
"Uhh, are you okay?" I ask him.
He sniffled. "Y-yeah, I've just never been told I was right, and my bestest friends in the world just told it to me twice today!"
Tom and I can't help but chuckle at how dorky Matt was being. We're ALL dorks, frankly.
"Alright, alright, but the muffins won't make themselves," I told him.
"Yessir!" Matt salutes and wanders over to the kitchen.
"So, Edd," Tom asks, "now what?"
"Well…"
I run over to my bedroom and rummage in there a bit. I hear Tom call out:
"Edd, what the hell are you doing?"
"We need all our thoughts at least somewhat organized, right?"
"I mean, yeah?"
Aha! I found what I was looking for! I pick it up and walk back to the living room. I present the thing to Tom.
"Well, this easel should help us make sense of the head pudding we call our brains!"
Tom chuckled to himself a bit. "Heh, head pudding…"
I take out a pencil and eye the easel. The first two things that came to my mind were 'harpoons' and 'guns,' so I wrote them down.
"Alright, we got something," I mumble to myself.