The Summer Of '84

Summer was supposed to be fun

It was the last day of high school, since me and Steve hung out earlier this week we haven't spoken, he skipped math as usual but when we passed in the hallways he just looked away or had his head down. Frenchie said he's been a weird mood with her too as he hasn't given either of us a ride home in 3 days. I told Frenchie what happened between me and Steve and she said he probably just feels awkward because he was all caught up in the moment and my mom knocking on the door freaked him out although I appreciated Frenchie trying to make me feel better I doubt it was because of that, Steve is a professional at sneaking into peoples houses so I doubt he hasn't been caught by someones parents at least once in his life. Speaking of my mom interrupting me and Steve, the next morning after it happened she sat me down to talk about what happened however I just told she was hearing things and that I wouldn't sneak a boy into the house because it was a school night, I could tell she didn't believe me but she gave up because she knew there was no way of getting the truth out of me.

I did what I usually did on a school morning, wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, say goodbye to my parents, meet Frenchie and walk to school. As I walked down my path to greet Frenchie, she looked guilty? upset? I couldn't read her emotions but she definitely didn't look fine. "Hey, are you okay?" I question, Frenchie just looks at me. She knows something, I can tell by the look on her face she wants to tell me something and it isn't good news. We set off walking in silence until eventually Frenchie speaks up "It's Steve, I need to tell you something about Steve" I immediately start to panic, so many things cross my mind, "Has something happened to him? Is he hurt?" Frenchie shakes her head as she says "No...its just something I've heard from people in my class yesterday" I nod for her to continue as my anxiety began to rise "He had a party at his house earlier this week, I say party it was just him, Carol, Tommy and Nancy." I was aware Nancy and Steve have had this on and off relationship for a while because he would always tell me and Frenchie about it but what I was not aware of was that it was still going on, this lead to me thinking back on what happened between me and him and why he had taken me out on a 'date' if he was still in his on and off relationship with Nancy. "what happened at the party?" deep down I really didn't want to know the truth but I asked anyway because Frenchie definitely knew more "Well they were playing around and stuff and uhm" I could tell Frenchie didn't want to tell me the next part because she was fumbling around trying to find the best words to use "him and Nancy they...Nancy stayed at his house." I could tell what Frenchie was implying by saying that although I didn't say or question anything else for the rest of the walk to school.

I didn't want to believe it. I know me and Steve weren't together but part me feels used in a way. He is one of my friends so us hanging out isn't weird but we would never hang out just us two, Frenchie would always be there and the fact he had payed attention to my conversations enough to know what movie I wanted to see, made me feel like maybe he wanted it to be just us two, as in he wanted it to be a date and then later that night at my house when we almost kissed, he wouldn't just do that for no reason. It just didn't make any sense, I wanted to ask him but I also didn't want to make him angry because he's my friend and I don't want to lose him over some stupid almost kiss and me maybe just misreading the signs plus it was also the last day of school and I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could.

Me and Frenchie walked around together at lunch getting people to sign our year books when I saw Steve in his usual seat at his usual table with Carol and Tommy but this time he was sat with his arm around Nancy just like how he was with me. I wanted to go up to him and act all fine so he could sign my yearbook because like I said he is one of my friends but at the same time I had a right to be angry because he had still upset me. Frenchie put her hand on my shoulder as she said "just confront him" but I didn't want to, he was with Nancy, I doubt she was aware of what he was doing with me and its not her fault "I'd rather do it when there isn't a crowd, I will speak to him when he's alone."

As me and Frenchie walk around the school talking to people and just reflecting on high school, I spot Steve alone near his car so I decided this would be a great time to talk to him about what's happening. "I will be right back" I say to Frenchie as I walk up to him. He's leant up against his car drinking a can of coke, he looked so good that I couldn't help but stare until he made eye contact with me and I approached him. "hey..." I say not really knowing how to talk to him about the situation, he just looks at me "what's up?" his tone was harsh "I was just wondering if we could talk... about what happened, I know nothing really happened between us but I guess I'm just confused because maybe I read the signals wrong but I just what to know that whatever happened between us isn't the reason you have been ignoring me and Frenchie" I rambled on trying to avoid making him angry "nothing happened between us so why would I be ignoring you and Frenchie? I just haven't had a chance to speak with either of you" I could tell he didn't want to be having this conversation but I still decided to press further because I wanted answers. "You took me out to the movies and we almost kissed...I want to know if that's the reason you have been avoiding me." at this point Steve is stood up straight and looking down at me said "Like I just said nothing happened between us, I took you out to watch that movie as friends because I knew you wanted to see it and before you ask, I didn't invite Frenchie because I knew she was working that night and as for whatever happened before your mom knocked on your door, it was nothing, I'm with Nancy so sorry if you felt like I led you on but we are just friends and I wanted to hang out as just friends." I couldn't believe what I was hearing from someone I considered one of my closest friends, I heard laughing and talking approaching me and Steve when I turn to see Nancy with Carol and Tommy "Listen I got to go but don't mention any of this to anyone, I don't want Nancy to hear any of it" and with that I left to go back to Frenchie.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, he doesn't want Nancy to be upset but it's okay to hurt my feelings. I've never had anything against Nancy, I'm sure she is completely oblivious to all of what's going on but I can't believe Steve has completely ditched the group and what's even more unbelievable is the fact that he had the audacity to say its nothing when he knows how little relationship experience I have and to be taken out like that is one thing and is a big deal to me but to try and kiss me and play it off as nothing is whole other thing. 

As I'm telling Frenchie all this I can see the look of anger on her face, "I can't believe he would say something like that" I could tell Frenchie was not letting this go anytime soon "well maybe he was right, maybe I did misread the situation, it can't be entirely his fault like I agree he shouldn't of said what he said but you can't blame it all on him" I don't why I was defending him because what he said did upset me but I couldn't help it as part of me also felt guilty that maybe Steve was just trying to be a good friend and take me to see a movie. "No Ada, friends don't do that, seeing a movie maybe but the way he was acting, that's a date not even mentioning the fact he tried to kiss you and would've if it wasn't for your mom so how would he be acting if you actually did kiss? What would he do then?" Frenchie was making a valid point, what would've happened if me and Steve did kiss, would this have all played out differently?

There was no use on focusing on the 'what ifs' of the situation because now I feel like the summer I was hoping for before me and Frenchie moved away for college seems so out of reach because we made the plans as a group and now it was just me and Frenchie which of course I didn't mind because she's my best friend but having Steve there would have made this summer even better but I'm sure we will figure it out...I hope.