Mama, papa,
it's my first day of school today
I made lotsa friends
who were funny and friendly
—But why did they have to go
with their mamas and papas
when the bell rang?
I waited for you to pick me up after school—
The cold rain makes me sniffle
and the puddles wet my socks
—So mama, papa, why didn't you come?
I had to walk home alone
but that's okay
because I know that you still love me
-
Mama, papa,
I drew a picture of us today
We were playing in the flower field
on our front porch
—Too bad there are only weeds in reality
They prick my skin
and make me bleed when I play
I gave you my drawing (I hope the colours didn't smudge)—
You said that I was a good girl
And smiled at me through cigarette-stained teeth
—So mama, papa, why did I find
a crumpled piece of paper in the bin?
The crayon smudged—the picture of me looked as though
I was crying
but that's okay because you smiled
and I think that you love me
-
Mama, papa,
I can't stand it anymore
My chest hurts so bad
as I hide under my bed and cry—
Covering my ears doesn't block out your screams, punches, slaps
—I think we are all hurting inside
that's why mama, papa, I tried to stop you
But all I received were bottles to my head
and hands to my cheeks
I know I shouldn't
but I welcome the pools of crimson
that are warmer than your embrace (not that you've given me any)
and I look forward to the midnight tears
that have become my lullabies of sleep
—Help me, mama, papa
my grades are dropping
and I no longer have any friends
Should I just give up
and succumb to forever oblivion?
—I want to but I can't
because I'm still waiting and hoping for you
to tell me that you love me
-
Mama, papa,
I'm twenty-five now
I don't regret leaving home
the scars don't hurt so much anymore
and I no longer miss the smell
of your beer-soaked breath
—I hope you don't miss me
just as I don't miss you
Even though I still flinch
as I trace the scars you have given me
I can proudly say that if I were to look you in the eye
I will no longer shiver in fear
—Mama, papa, I want to let you know
that I am happy now,
happier than I was with you
because I can finally accept
that you will never say you love me
