The Heartbreak That Hurt The Most

Chapter 2: The Year I Would Have Skipped

Everything is amazing. Being with him is where I want to be all of my life.

Talking to him always makes me feel better no matter how mad or sad i am. I know what it's like to be hurt. This is the day my other half died.

Current Day -

Last night i went to bed because Sam did. About half an hour after that (while I was sleeping) he messaged me.

His exact words were:
"Ok there's something I've been meaning to get off my chest.

I love you with all my heart, but I can't do this online thing anymore and I need to make this extremely clear its nothing that you said or did and I love our conversations and how funny you are so I don't want to lose you so if you wouldn't mind I would like to keep talking just as friends that's been keeping me up so...

Good night hopefully I'll talk to you in the morning"

When I woke up in the morning i was happy. It's Friday and I couldn't be anymore happy considering another good weekend. I was hoping i could talk to him on video chat during this weekend. Then I got on my phone to see if he messaged me, and he did. Last night.

All i saw was the part about something he had to get off of his chest and I got worried. I opened it and read it. Considering i just woke up, I was very emotional. I didn't even know how to respond.

All i said was hi and he said hey. I was confused about some things so i asked him to explain. Talking about it all made me very upset. I cried all morning until I went to school. I was okay in school but I feel so empty now.

What am I supposed to look forward to anymore? I am so hurt at this point. In fact, SO hurt i cant even express it. I want to cry so bad but my body won't let me. I get home from school and want to text Sam. It is what I usually do. If I go back to his chat i will burst out crying.

I think I will stop talking to him for a while. I know no matter who I fall in love with after this i will still love him until I meet him and we can actually be together.

But that may be years. It will hurt me so much to not talk to him but I need to get the pain out. He texted me saying hi and I opened it then shut off my phone.

I run upstairs and sit in my room on my bed. I sit up against the wall with my head back and I start crying. Under my breath i say his name as im crying. I know it will take a while to adjust.

After I said his name my crying just got worse so i hid my face in my pillow and cried for maybe 15 minutes. I still don't feel well enough.

I have his name written on my wrist today. I think everytime it fades away i will rewrite it. I want people to know that he has my heart either way and its going to be that way for a while, even if I can't have his heart.