We Go Down (Bremmy 2)

Chapterish 77

[ Quote Aesthetic of the Chapterish ]

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After hugging Meg three times and for some ungodly reason agreeing to be in Lauren's bridal party (seriously, what's happening?), I finally collect my shit to leave. Nothing against the luxurious mosaic-tiled mansion, but this place is a hellhole.

I need 4,000 miles between it and me.

I leave shortly after Trix and Travis. I refused to ride with the newlyweds to the airport. Separate cars all day. I said my goodbyes and piled my shit into the trunk.

The entire drive to the airport is just one existential mental crisis. Somehow, I still haven't made a decision about my life or plane ticket by the time the driver asks me to pay.

"Thanks," I mumble, tossing some rolled up tens at the front seat.

11:49 AM

My eyes can't sit still inside my head. I keep thinking I'll see Brooks around every corner. If he even shows.

Not like he will.

The airport is less crowded than usual, and everything goes my way. The security line is extra short, and my coffee is free thanks to a broken register and incompetent cashier.

Before long I reach the crossroads. Domestic flights go one way and the International Gates are calling my name in another direction.

I panic and escape into the nearest empty bathroom. I go inside and splash cool water on my face. My skin is prickling warm. My back feels sticky with heat.

The glaring fluorescents make my eyes a shade I don't even recognize. I look like a stranger in this empty space. Out of place in my own skin.

Fuck.

I dig my hands into the pockets of my jean jacket.

I have two tickets in my name, one in each pocket. It's a real red pill blue pill a la Sophie's choice I got right now.

Why do I feel like the next 10 seconds are gearing up to define the rest of my life?

12:17 PM

I pull both tickets out and place them in front of me.

The memory of last night comes flooding back and the lump I suppressed in my throat comes rising up.

I need a sign!

My phone buzzes on the sink.

Love u bae <3 <3

Trix with words of encouragement just when I need them.

I can do this.

I got this.

I've come so far. I know what I want, and I won't just give it up. I know what I need to do.

The ticket feels perfect in my hand –like I knew I'd always pick this one. I fold it gently and tuck it into my phone case.

I stare at the other ticket for a minute longer before I pick it up, tear it in two, and leave it on the bathroom sink. Water droplets sink through from the underside and distort my name.

I strut out of the bathroom with my rolly in one hand and my chosen ticket in the other, drunk in my newfound resolve.

The gate is almost empty and I'm ready for a long relaxing flight all to myself.

The woman flight attendant smiles at me as she scans my ticket for boarding.

"Safe travels," she smiles.

"Thanks," I say and take my ticket back.

I travel down the carpeted jetway and stow my bag under my seat. A sinking feeling settles in my stomach. Regret? Nerves? Both?

The window seat is prime. It helps me zone out, forget. Remember.

I'm thinking everything Brooks.

What I'd give to get back to what we were. What I'd give to feel his arms around me now. What I'd give to feel his skin on mine one last time, to taste his lips on my tongue, taste the memory of being young.

The plane springs to life beneath me; the gentle vibrations tingle my legs. The engine revs up and we move, the palm trees outside blurring into one hodgepodge of dehydrated green.

The plane ascends, ready to take me where I need to go.

For the first time since last night, I feel sincerely at ease. My head finds the seat cradle as I lay back and listen to the rush of the air outside the cabin.

I'm just casually flying towards the rest of my life.

No big deal.

END OF WE GO DOWN