We Go Down (Bremmy 2)

Chapterish 24

[Quote Aesthetic of the Chapterish]

ROOMMATES

Brooks and I got a quick bite to eat with Zoë and Bryan today. They boy toys met up with us after our last yoga class. Zoë was thrilled to finally meet Brooks and gave her silent seal of approval by looking him up and down and throwing me a thumbs-up behind his back.

I was glad to see Brooks was on his best behavior. But also noticed how different he was with Zoë compared to how he acts with all our high school cronies.

Won't lose sleep over it, but also probably will.

Zoë grilled Brooks all about Edge and LA and NC and everything she could think of trying to pry about. Much appreciated by me. The more info the merrier, obv.

There are so many things I still don't really know about Brooks and still don't really want to ask. Maybe deep down I don't want to know.

How often is he going to need to be in LA?

What's he do when he's in LA?

Does he still see her?

Does he still do her often in LA?

You get the picture.

I know I'm being anal and insane and everything I hate about over-jealous possessive ex-girlfriends turned new girlfriends again.

I am either talking or texting or with Brooks 24/7 lately. There's nothing to worry about, right? RIGHT? Tell me I'm right.

We are basically roommates now.

At least we have been for the last several hours and a few more to come. And I'm already counting down the days until I get to visit him in NC. Until we're temporary roomies again.

12 days.

I toss on a baggy T-shirt and curl my toes under myself on the couch. Brooks watches me, quiet, and a look spreads across his face.

"What?" Brooks asks.

"What do you mean?" I can tell I'm trash at playing it off.

Still there's this one little thing on my mind. I've been thinking about my chat with Brody ever since I left the Poconos. It's been weighing on me and I can no longer keep it in. I weigh my options right now. 1. Keep things simple. Keep things calm. Or 2. Dig. Pry. Be that girl.

Yup, I'ma go 2.

"I have to tell you..." I bite my lip. Come on, Em. You're done debating.

"Tell me what?"

"Well, more ask you. In the mountains, the morning I got wood with Brody," I pause.

Brooks nods, encouraging me to continue.

"Brody sort of seemed worried about us –you, mainly. He said you were, I don't know, different the last couple months. I mean, when we were... apart." Smooth, Emmy.

"I'm not surprised he thought that, but surprised he opened his big mouth to you," Brooks says, his attempt at light-heartedness weak at best.

"Why aren't you surprised?" I ask.

"It's –I can't even begin to explain, Ems." Brooks sighs.

"Try," I whisper. I can tell he's fighting with himself –mulling over the appropriate choice of words.

"I wasn't right, Em. I told you before I felt the whole thing was my fault. Because it was and I know that. I was hurt and caught in like this game with you. I wasn't patient with you and you were what I wanted more than anything," Brooks says. I hear the faintest crack in between his words.

"Brooks," I begin, but he stops me.

"I wasn't in a good spot. Blaming myself for everything. I lost you and I lost myself. After a while, I guess I stopped looking." Brooks closes his eyes.

Sure, I'm worried what 'stopped looking' means, but also I'm afraid to ask. I just want to hug him. So that's what I do. I pull him over to me so his head rests against my chest. I flatten his hair with my fingers. I'm reminded of the night he showed up in my room last Christmas.

Brooks lost me. And then himself.

Why do I get that more than anything? Like 2 + 2, seriously.

"I'm gonna miss you again," Brooks mumbles against my skin.

"Same." I agree, tracing his butterfly tattoo with my fingertips. "It's only a few days."

"One of us has to give. Cave," Brooks sighs.

"Yea. Wouldn't that be nice?" I laugh it off.

I picture us living together. I picture us falling asleep together, skin on skin. I imagine us waking up every morning together. I imagine his etched tattoos being the first things my eyes see in daylight.

"I mean it. We should consider it," Brooks says, looking up at me.

"More long-term talk?" I joke. Secretly, my heart's exploding. Or imploding. "Haven't we had enough of that this weekend?"

"Ugh. Has anyone ever told you you're impossible?" Brooks asks.

"Always." I smirk.

"Well, you're sort of the worst," he grumbles.

I nod and run my fingers through his cool hair, watching his eyelids flutter as I do so.

"We'll have some long-term talk. I promise," I insist. I'm unsure how long I can get away with putting it off.

"Just not now." Brooks says, no question in his tone. He knows.

"I'll be in Carolina in like two weeks," I remind him. "Maybe then? Plus I finally get to see your pad."

"I expect to find you naked on my bed," Brooks grins. "Won't accept anything less."

"Play your cards right," I smirk.