The Nightscape

To Be Selfish

There was a long moment of silence as the two generations stared each other down, icy eyes, no love lost between them. Lyra didn't care about the knife to the throat; she couldn't die anyway, and her mother didn't seem overly inclined to actually try. Finally, her mother sighed and pulled the blade away, snapping it closed in her palm and dropping it into her pocket. 

"How on earth do you know that I know that?" She asked, teeth gritted as she looked around, apparently expecting an ambush. Lyra gave her a grim smile. 

"I went and visited the family. Weren't the most helpful of relatives, but I heard that you might be of use for once." She said. "They didn't come with me, I'm pretty sure that they might be fucking dead now." Lyra tacked on when her mother didn't stop scanning the surroundings, not giving her daughter her full attention. Reluctantly, the older woman looked back to her, looking very annoyed. 

"I didn't think you'd be so stupid as to seek out the clan that tried to kill you." She replied. 

"I can't die anymore, mother. Zidros, the thing we freed from the temple, did something to me and now I'm immortal. They couldn't hurt me in any way that mattered, and I need to know how to deal with Zidros." She explained herself. Her mother swore and sat down on one of the slopes, gesturing for her daughter to sit opposite. 

"If Zidros made you immortal, then why are you trying to get rid of him?" She asked, rubbing her face. "I mean, the Scapes is a shithole, but it was always going to be. He doesn't appear to be making things worse." 

"You're wrong; he is making things worse, he just hasn't had much time yet. Also- I didn't ask to be immortal, not one of us did, he didn't give us a choice. He appears to have absolute power over everything, and I don't think he even has a basic grasp on morals. He is controlling and emotionless, doesn't even care about his 'council'. In the short amount of time I have known him, he already seems to be getting worse. At the very least, we all want to know how to deal with him if he becomes a problem. My grandfather refused to tell me, but he did tell me that you knew. So why don't you tell me what I need to know, and then I can get out of your hair." Lyra told her, not really interested into going into the details, which she felt would be mutual. Her mother sighed. 

"I'm not sure I fully remember, to be honest. It was a long time ago, and the documents that I stole ended up getting destroyed when I left your father." She said dismissively. 

"Then just tell me what you can remember. I will take whatever you know, it's better than nothing." Lyra said rather savagely, getting rather fed up with her mother already, who didn't seem to care. 

"Alright then, give me a moment to think and we'll see what I can come up with." She said, tapping on her chin. Lyra watched her carefully, dozens of thoughts flying around her head. She knew that her mother wanted some time to think, but this could well be the last time she ever saw her. Sentimentality was far out of her mind, she knew it wouldn't happen and frankly she was too angry at her to even engage, but there were some questions that just demanded answers. 

"If you never wanted a child, why did you have me?" She asked suddenly, jerking her mother from her train of thought. She looked up, narrowing her eyes at her child for a moment before shrugging. 

"You were an accident. My contraceptive failed and you were unfortunately conceived. I was going to have you aborted, but your father wanted a child so badly. At the time I thought I loved him, so I went along with it. I supposed I thought that when you were born, I would suddenly want you, suddenly love you. But I went through a fourteen hour long labour, and there you were and I felt nothing but resentment for you. Then that resentment spread to your father, for encouraging me to have you in the first place. When Hayden found me, it was the easiest thing in the world to give you up. I felt so much relief walking away from the two of you." She told Lyra, not caring as the girl winced and blinked back tears. "Is that you wanted to hear? Did that make what I did better for you? Or would you have rather let sleeping dogs lay?" She asked, her voice a little malicious. Lyra looked her dead in the eye and forced a smile.