Fallout ~ Danisnotonfire, AmazingPhil

I remember Years Ago

*Dan's P.O.V*

It wasn't a sudden thing, no, it happened over the course of a few years. Every video, every moment, we just drifted thurther apart. Until we were at the point where it was a chore to be in the same room as the guy I had once adored.

It wasn't the same.

It was only back in 2009 when I finally managed to meet Phil at the train station. It felt like I finally had achieved something. Rather than being my usual, unsociable nerdy self I actually attempted to do something.

And from that moment on it all got better. My life flipped around and my youtube channel was rapidly receiving more attention. Back then it felt like I was living a dream. Living a dream with my best friend.

But that all changed. In 2013 we started to drift appart. Gradually I began to lose Phil. It started with minor arguments about TV shows and video ideas.

The first time we probably had an argument was when we were deciding on which way our names would go around. Many of the fans had already got the preference of Dan and Phil yet nothing at the time was set in stone. Just like any duo we brawled over who got the honor of having their name first. I liked to believe his points were invalid but I guess it doesn't matter all that much now. I don't even think Phil cares anymore. Yet of we were called 'Phil and Dan' but still best friends my life would be a whole fucking lot easier.

Trust me, Phil makes things so damn awkward nowadays. In the morning he death glares me as I walk in to collect my cereal which is even labeled now to prevent the cereal theif from mixing them up. Then when I sit down for what ever reason there's always a burning feeling like someone is staring at you. But when I glance in Hus direction his eyes instantly move away.

Unless we're vlogging. Then the pair of us put on this act that we're best friend still, joking around, having a great time together. I've kind of got use to it now.

My life is a constant act. Pretending. Pretending I'm the guy I was three years ago when I'm not. I'm an idiot who lost his only friend.

Some people grow together, they make each other better. I thought Phil was that person. Everyone thought he was. But it turns out our personalities grew thurther apart until we we could hardly stand in a room together.

When we went to Summer in the City and Playlist Live we had to put on an act. Whilst we claimed this was all on the spot we hadn't rehearsed this we just lied straight in everyone's faces. Only the backstage crew knew but we had a fucking script. Someone gave us a script and we acted. We literally pretended we could answer some things about each other when the truth was half the things were no longer true about us. But if we were honest about it people would of caught on. It would of been clear this whole 'Dan and Phil' thing was just an act. It wasn't real and it certainly wasn't a thing (no mater how many people think it is). And having to hug Phil on stage was the worst acting I have ever had to do. There was no emotion shared. Just a bitted squeeze before hurrying of stage instantly. Then I could leave him until Meet and Greets.

Some of the hardest times were meeting fans. They wanted photos of us together. They asked us about the other. They always associated us together.

Some times it felt as if our individual identity had been stripped therefore it would be damn right impossible to admit to our separation without causing a shit storm.

But we'd have to do it one day. That wasn't an option.

Having to host the radio show was alright. All we had to do was stand next to each other for an hour and talk. Yes, we had to complete in challenges with each other but it allowed us to be competitive. The hardest part may be when we turn around and see the art people have drawn. About 75% of them are of both of us. Together. The audience want to see us as a duo when I don't know how much longer I can take.

When people say 'y u so mean 2 Phil' or 'ur a shitty friend' I tell people its a joke, its just a friendly thing. Hell it's not. Its me slipping up and releasing my anger. Luckily Phil has learnt to act of it to lower suspicion. I'll give him credit for that.

However when it comes to traveling with Phil it becomes a nightmare. Its like trying to socalise with your childhood bully for a long time. It just doesn't work. Everything you suggest is returned with a smug comment or eye rolling.

But our major fallout was over the radio show. When we lost the weekly Sunday night it turned into a blame game. One of us must of done something wrong. Otherwise we'd still have our show. There wouldn't of been an argument on Dan and Phil Games and I wouldn't have to pretend all the time. Maybe we would of been friends at least.

That's where I'm left. Every part of me wants to get up and leave. I don't want to be here for another minute but I can't just leave. As publishes and companies approach us together we had to co-write a book. Hours of sitting together writting. Unable to give up without consequence. Procrastination just made maters worse. And to top it off I have to go on tour with him. Weeks on end, up and down the county, pretending.

I'm stuck in an endless spiral of lies which is pulling me into oblivion.

A/N

Hai my little squareflakes,

So I know this isn't a topic I'd ever like to consider being reality but I thought it would be a cool idea (I'm sorry if someone has already done a story like this). So I wanted to really set the scene before I kick in the main story plot.

Also every chapter is going to be titled with song lyrics so tell me which song it is and who by here.

The title from this story came from Marianas Trench, 'Fallout'. I recommend you go listen to it.

I'll love you and leave you. I'd appreciate any feedback or votes but most of all thanks for reading

~ X