Unintentionally Falling

chapter thirty

Iris

I've never been the best person to control my impulses. Ask anyone, I like to do shit that just pops into my head.

I don't meticulously do something nor plan a lot of shit out.

I just go with whatever.

Maybe that's a bad thing.

Okay, it's probably a bad thing.

But, there's nothing wrong with a little uncontrollable thought that comes into your head.

Except there is.

I would've never had slept with Drew if I wasn't so horny after that one day, then Sienna wouldn't hate me, tweet about me, try to drug me–fuck, that feels so weird to think about. But yeah, all that shit.

Aaron probably thinks I'm insane right now.

He just told me my ex-friend tried to drug me and was hoping someone would take advantage of me and I'm just sitting here like a dumbass.

I guess I have another ex-friend to add to this list, I've lost two in such a short amount of time.

That's absolutely crazy to really digest, I mean. Am I like my mother? Disappointing people left and right? Hurting them because of my selfish actions?

I'm really a fucked up person, aren't I?

I mean I have to be if my former friend tried to drug me—

A warm feeling pulls me out of my thoughts, my gaze drops down to see Aaron's giant hand placed over mine.

Slightly I adjust my hand so I can intertwine his fingers in mine, his touch brings me a weird sense of comfort I've never had from anyone.

"I– uhm, well I'm glad that is something that I didn't experience..."

Experience.

I find myself laughing at it, Aaron probably is confused out of his mind. I bet he's speed-dialling for me to enter solitary confinement.

Experience, it's what the plan was. New experiences with different people. Yet, here it is blowing up in my face. The experience was something like this.

Was it all meaningless?

I didn't gain anything from all the new experiences with new people, or new guys?

My whole reason for my University experience was nothing?

Was it even worth it?

My stomach turns, even with Aaron's hand in mine my body feels cold. My hands are so cold, so different from his, he's the warmth that constantly reels me in. While I'm just... I don't know.

I need a distraction. Fuck, I need one so fucking bad. Something to take me away from my thoughts. I need to forget just for one moment.

"Let's go to a bar." I find myself suggesting. I try to perk up making myself look excited, not like I'm trying desperately to pretend I'm not myself.

"A bar?" Aaron's eyes assess me with a questioning stare and I suddenly feel so bare, like he can see through me completely.

"Yeah, I want to do something fun."

Aaron's eyes still do not let up, making me wonder if he knows what's truly going on with me. He doesn't fully answer if he wants to go or not.

"Oh come on, you have to come. Please?" I find myself begging, please, please, please come along with me, Aaron.