Blood Bath

chapter 60 // haven

Today marked three weeks. Three weeks since the incident. Three weeks since I took away the person who haunted my thoughts. Three weeks since I lost someone dear to me in return.

I let the sunlight pour into the bedroom as I rolled over onto my stomach, I hadn't slept in those three weeks either. It was merely impossible without Con holding onto me like a safety net. I sighed as I threw off the covers, looking down at the stained black hoodie and grey sweatpants. I should've taken a shower days ago but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I trudged down the stairs glancing over at Tan and Sin eating away at the table. Everything had changed with them as well, always working and never having time for me anymore. Even Tan hid himself away from me most of the time which was the most abnormal. I couldn't blame them and I never did.

I slid into the seat at the end, Con's old seat, and took a bite out of the plate of bacon and eggs. I slowly ate, mostly keeping my head down as I ate.

"They're going to try again today." Sin spoke up, not looking away from the computer.

I didn't say anything, I just ate away at the food. Nothing felt the same anymore, I was so exhausted. I hadn't even gotten the chance to process living here for good, work on the girl's unit of Metric, or anything. Everything seemed to have crash down fully after that night, nothing felt the same anymore.

After I took the last bite, I slid the plate away from where I was sitting and leaned back into the chair, staring up at the ceiling.

"I can't do this alone you guys, I can't process it alone. I need you guys." I muttered, trying to hold back the tears.

"We never said you have to do it alone." Tan spoke up, pulling his glance away from his phone.

I shot my head to look at them both, "Ignoring me and speaking to me with a few words is making me deal with this alone."

"You're acting like you're the only one that is hurting. It's selfish." Sin grunted, pulling his glance away as well.

I stood up and slammed my fist on the table.

"At least you guys can sleep, at least you guys can process that night, at least you guys can drown yourselves in work to avoid your feelings. I can't do any of that!" I yelled, the tears being unable to hold themselves back.

I watched as they stared back in silence for a few moments.

"I fucking killed someone. No actually, I fucking killed two people. One being my own father and the other being my abuser. And the person that would normally get me through it isn't here. I can't do it alone!" I sobbed, running my hand to rub the tears off of my face.

Before I could say another word, Tan flung back his seat and pulled me roughly into his arms, gently holding me. I sobbed out, letting all the pain from the past weeks soak into his shirt. I was so fucking hurt, so fucking damaged. I needed Con to get me through the pain of everything, he always did.

After a few moments of crying out, I pulled away, my eyes being red and puffy. Tan grasped my head and planted a kiss on my forehead before I sulked away. I climbed the stairs that felt much longer than normal and opened the door to Con's room. His smell immediately hit my nose as I glanced at the bed, his body laying there peacefully.

The needles injected all over him while his breaths slowly came into him. As each breath came in, he shook as they were released. He was suffering and the doctor was only going to give him two more chances of trying to wake up. I pulled myself into the bed next to him and gently laid my arms over him.

The doctor had given strict rules about staying out of the room as he needed no distractions. I didn't care, I needed the scent and I needed the feeling of him as my world was collapsing. I let the tears fall again, dripping onto his shirtless chest.

"You have to wake up Con. They all need you, please." I cried out.

Nothing.

"I need you." I sobbed, grasping onto his delicate skin.

Nothing.

I laid there for a few more moments feeling the world crash around me. The sorrow that I felt caving into me like closing walls. I sent the rising bile in my throat down before I slipped away from his body. I paused in the doorframe before glancing back, his body shaking with every breath, before taking a deep sigh.

I retreated into my room again, needing to work on the preparations for the girl's unit in the Mafia now. I had to put together my portfolio for Sin with clear labels of my intentions but the stress of everything else was getting to my head.

I laid back against my bed and sighed before another tear slipped down my cheek. Three weeks ago, I knew this was the life I wanted.

Was I still so sure now?