The Lies They Tell

2 AM

Jesper stared at his phone. There was no use trying to sleep tonight, too many butterflies for auditions tomorrow. But the notification on his phone was more of a reason not to sleep. It read 'Hey Jes, wanna meet up? The usual place?' This itself wouldn't be too out of the ordinary, if it wasn't two AM on a Saturday. Maybe it was his sleep deprived state of mind, but Jesper felt a buzzing feeling like the feeling you get when you're doing adrenaline sports. It was strange. Maybe.... No, he wasn't going down this road again. 'See you there,' he texted back.
Jesper opened the window, flinching as it clicked. It was funny, trying to climb out a window without being heard. Usually it was the other way around. He dangled his long legs  down from the sill, then plumeted down into the roses. Ow, he wouldn't do this for anyone but Wylan, he thought. Jesper plucked a thorn out of the denim covering his thigh.
The scrawny boy was sitting atop the empty play equipment, his red crown of hair glowing in the yellow warmth of a street lamp. Jesper and Wylan had met up at that park many times, but up until then they had all been during daylight hours.
Jesper sidled up, his jeans slung low on his hips, his gate careless and meandering. But his hands told a different story. They were hung at his sides in an attempt at casualness, but his long fingers were twisted around each other, unable to stay still.
'Wy?' Jesper said quietly, coming to a stop beside the playground fort.
'Come up.' Wylan's mouth twisted into a slightly mischievous looking smile. 'I could sleep...'
Jesper pulled himself up, the muscles in his arms stinging a bit. He settled cross legged on the cold metal platform, running his hand along the wooden pole.
'Audition nerves?' Jesper asked, staring at the other boy. The former could see the tension in Wylan's jaw and averted eyes.
'Something like that.' Wylan swung his legs. Jesper waited for him to look up, adjusting his sitting position over and over.
Wylan was nervous, but there was something else too. A sort of energy, electricity, in his expression. He looked almost like he was trying not to smile. He looked up at Jesper, their eyes locking for a second. Jesper refused to look away.
Not for the first time, Jesper felt unsettled by the other boy. Not that he'd ever show it of course, he was far too confident for that. But he felt something new, something he shouldn't feel. It made his stomach flip and a rush of thoughts flood into his head. Jesper was appalled at the scenarios flashing through his brain. He was a flirtatious person, normally, but he'd never looked at Wylan this way before.
"Why weren't YOU asleep?" Wylan stared at Jesper curiously.
"Oh, you know, a gentleman never tells." As soon as he'd said it Jesper regretted it. Jesper Fahey was known for his shamelessness, but the crushed look on Wylan's face made him want to hug the boy tightly and whisper sweet nothings to him. Why did he say it? Jesper couldn't for the life of him explain his own reasoning.
"Oh, um," Wylan mumbled, his face turning a deep shade of Scarlett. Okay maybe he did have some reasons. Wylan took a deep breath like he was about to say something then turned his head away. Maybe Kaz had been right when they'd fought: Jesper took everything too far.
"Jes...." Wylan began. He looked back at Jesper and Jesper's heart lept at the spark that had returned in the boy's eye. "There's something you should know."
"Oh?" Jesper managed a lopsided grin. Hope was building in his chest. He couldn't help it. Part of his brain was screaming at him, the butterflies meant what he thought they meant. And then, in a split second, Jesper's heart fell from where it was flying and crumbled into ashes, with Wylan's five short words.
"I'm in love with Kaz."

Oh no, oh no, this is not good, Wylan thought. His mind was racing, his heart was beating faster. Jesper's eyes like grey skies drilled into him, but Wylan couldn't look away.
"You're...." Jesper's face looked somewhere between shock and disgust and hurt, "in love with Kaz?"
"Well that's what I just said," Wylan blurted before he could stop himself. Wylan had been in some bad situations before that he had started, like that time in middle school with Mary Louise. But this was quite possibly the worst one yet.
"That's, well," Jesper said quietly, then "why?!" Wylan could ask himself the same question. He didn't even know Kaz that well, and he certainly wasn't in love with him.
"I-"
"Forget it," Jesper mumbled. Wylan could see the anger on his face. Maybe at him, maybe at Kaz, just at the whole situation. Wylan hated to be the one who caused Jesper's face to darken, his shoulders to slump. It was torture, watching the most beautiful boy in the world crumple like cut flowers left in the sun, knowing it was because of him.
Jesper swung his legs down, jumping to the ground with a thud. He didn't look back at Wylan, just said "if you're in love with Kaz why don't you meet him at 2 AM," and sidled away into the darkness of the park.
Without Jesper the playground felt colder. Wylan shivered, wrapping his arms around himself. If he had only had a bit more of Inej's courage or Nina's willpower, he and Jesper could be kissing now. Kissing Jesper, on the playground, before dawn. Kissing Jesper, the fantasy that plagued him every time Jesper casually touched his arm, every time Jesper's grey eyes looked at him like he was the sun. He'd been so close, at least to admitting the feeling to Jesper, to anyone. And he'd screwed it up