It is said that second-born sons have all the fun. This much is certainly true for Benedict Bridgerton, free from the burdens held by his eldest brother, the Viscount. One must wonder, how does the second eldest Bridgerton spend his time?
To the to...
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Benedict finally retreated to bed around one in the morning, exhausted by his futile attempts to paint and the several canvases that were now scattered across the floor in the studio. He changed into his night clothes before getting into his side of the bed, turning to look at Madeleine.
"Are you awake, Mads?" He whispered, placing a gentle hand on her arm.
She lay still, facing away from him and staring at the wall. She did not answer, her heart aching with guilt. She felt horrible for pushing him away, but she felt even worse for the pain she had caused him.
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she laid there, unable to close her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, holding each other as they did every night. But each time she looked in his eyes, she was reminded of the fact that she had failed him. That she had caused him to be burdened with this unimaginable pain.
She heard him sigh as he moved around, presumably getting settled into the bed. It was quiet for a while, and she figured he had fallen asleep.
"I know you are awake, love." His voice rang in her ears and she bit her lip, unable to bring herself to turn and face him.
She heard movement once again, and his face came into view as he kneeled on the ground by her side of the bed. He sighed, giving her a sympathetic look as he gently wiped away her tears.
"Madeleine, please do not push me away." He whispered, taking her hands into his. "I know that you are hurting, that you are terrified. And I know that you think that everybody you have ever loved has left you."
Another tear fell down her cheek as she stared into his eyes, her expression resembling that of a scared child. It was true, what he was saying. Her mother and father, the two people she loved most, had left her. Her uncle, her own family, had turned on her. She was terrified that Benedict, too, would leave her now that she had caused him so much pain. So, she pushed him away. She figured it would be easier to cope with the loss of her love if she kept him at an arm's length.
"I am not going to leave you." He whispered, gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.
"No matter how hard you try to push me away, I am never going to leave you. You are my wife, and more than that, you are my best friend. I never want to face this world without you by my side." Her heart ached at his words, feeling even more guilty as he spoke. Tears stung at her eyes as she tried her best to keep them at bay.
"Please do not push me away. Let me help you through this pain." He pleaded, holding her small hands in his. She hesitated, watching her for a moment before she nodded softly. He kissed her hands and stood up, sitting in the bed beside her and taking her into his arms.
She let out a weak sob as she melted into his embrace, the walls she had put up crumbling as she allowed herself lean into him. He tightened his hold on her, resting his head on top of hers. He rubbed her back soothingly as she cried, placing a kiss to the top of her head.
"This was not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I promise you that. And if you are willing, we will try again. And one day, we will bring a beautiful child into this world whom we will love more than we know is possible." He whispered, gently stroking her hair. She sniffled and nodded against his chest, clutching onto his shirt with her arms around his torso.
She slowly lifted her head to look at him, with watery eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He placed a hand on her cheek, giving her a soft smile.
"I love you so much, Ben. I am sorry." She whispered softly, nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.
"You have nothing to apologize for. And I will continue to remind you of that for as long as I need to." He whispered into her hair, tightening his embrace. She snuggled into his arms, closing her eyes. For the first time in a while, she fell asleep with ease, safe in the arms of the man she loved.
He stroked her hair as he felt her body steady, her eyes closed as she finally slept. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes, falling asleep with a small smile on his face.
The three days that followed were a complex whirlwind of emotions, both attempting to cope with the loss of their child. It was different now, though. Until then, they had coped individually, facing their own demons as they closed themselves off from the other.
They were finally facing this crippling grief together, both accepting that it was easier to get through this pain with the other at their side.
There were times when Madeleine would retreat into the guilt that plagued her mind, and Benedict would be at her side to remind her that she was not alone. That this loss was not her fault. He would hug her to his chest, soothing her as she weeped.
There were times when, late at night, Madeleine would hold Benedict as he cried, his mind burdened with thoughts of what they had lost. She would tighten her arms around him and whisper sweet comforts, helping him through his pain as best as she could.
It was not all bad, though. The two had once again found in each other the love and happiness that had brought them together.
They would find themselves laughing together as they went about their day, if only for a moment before the grief once again swallowed them whole. It was getting easier, little by little. Each day, it became less of a burden to wake up and face the world because they had each other to help them do so.
On the fourth day, Madeleine turned to Benedict in bed, watching him with the smallest of smiles on her face. He narrowed his eyebrows slightly, placing a hand on her cheek.
"I want to try again." She whispered, placing her hand on top of his. His heart jumped at her words and he mirrored her soft smile, gently stroking her cheek.
"Are you sure?" His voice was quiet, cautious even. She nodded softly and scooted closer, pressing her lips softly to his.
"I want to have a family with you, no matter how hard we have to try to make it happen." She whispered against his lips, resting her forehead on his. He smiled warmly at this, pulling her closer by her waist.
"I love you so much." He whispered back, pressing his lips to hers once again.
