innuendo || benedict bridgerton

Chapter Forty-Eight

"I am terribly sorry. The baby did not make it." The doctor's voice rang in her ears as Madeleine stared at him, her ears ringing. She heard wailing in the distance, a painstaking cry of anguish.

She brought a hand to her neck, her throat felt utterly raw. Her head pounded as she realized the screams she heard were her own.

Her heart felt like it was physically tearing into shreds as pain coursed through her body and her mind. Her baby, her little baby, was dead.

"Madeleine! Madeleine, wake up!" Benedict's voice rushed into her senses as she felt her body shaking, her eyes flying open. She sat up, eyes wide in bewilderment, hot tears rushing down her cheeks.

"It's okay, my love. It was a dream. It was only a dream." Benedict hushed her, pulling her into his arms. She sobbed weakly as she gripped onto Benedict's arm as he held her, fear coursing through her veins.

"It's okay, it's okay. It was just a dream. You're okay." He repeated, holding her as tight as he could to make her feel safe. She whimpered softly and buried her face in his chest, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She was about two months pregnant now, and she had been having a recurring dream in which she was subject to the same torture of that day over and over again. Each time she had the dream, she suffered through the terrible pain of losing her child once again. And each time Benedict woke her up, she would relish in the relief that it was only a dream, and that this baby was still alive.

Her teeth chattered as she clung on to him, her body overtaken by a cold sweat. She felt Benedict lift her off of the bed and carry her into the bathroom, the sound of the running bath humming in the background.

"It's all right, darling. You are safe, and our baby is safe. It was just a dream." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he undressed her and set her in the warm water. Her shivering began to subside as she pulled her knees to her chest, taking a deep breath. Benedict sighed and gave her a sympathetic look, gently smoothing her hair back.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was a meek whisper, and he shook his head immediately.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Mads. You can not control these dreams and I will spend every night waking you up from that horror until you are okay again." He kissed her head again, kneeling by the side of the tub and taking her hands in his. She squeezed his hands and nodded weakly, leaning her head against his shoulder.

She wanted to thank him, to tell him that she loved him and she loved how much he cared, but she was overcome by weakness as her eyes slowly drifted closed. It was no matter, she did not need to speak. He knew how she felt.

He rubbed her back soothingly to help her fall asleep, turning off the water and lifting her out of the tub. She curled up in his arms as he dried her off and replaced her nightgown, carrying her back to bed with him. He let out a small breath of relief as he held her in his arms, watching her as she slept.

He felt a terrible sense of helplessness as he held her small figure. The girl had only been sleeping a couple hours a night due to these dreams and there was nothing he could do to stop them. All that he could do was be there for her, and he intended to do just that until the day he died.

-

"Everything looks to be all right from what I can tell. The baby is moving around in there and that is a very good sign." The doctor gave her a kind smile as he stood. Benedict had been paying him extra to visit Aubrey Hall for bi-monthly check ups, wanting to ensure that the baby was okay as the pregnancy progressed.

Benedict sighed in relief, bringing Madeleine's hand to his lips. She smiled up at him, both elated at the news that their baby was doing just fine. Benedict stood after a moment, walking the doctor to the front door.

"Thank you again, Dr. Phillips. I knew it is quite a journey to come out here each time but it is greatly appreciated." He shook the doctor's hand, giving him the required money and then some extra for the trip.

"It is no trouble at all, sir. I am glad you two are experiencing a second chance and all is okay." The doctor nodded, turning to leave before Benedict spoke again.

"May I ask you, um, Madeleine has been having these dreams." Benedict's tone was hushed, eyes full of concern.

"Almost every night she has them, and they are all the same dream of the miscarriage. She says it always starts with you telling her that the baby did not make it and the pain is nearly worse each time. Is there anything at all that we can do to stop them?" His voice was a desperate plea for help and the doctor gave him a sad smile in return.

"I am sorry, Benedict. That is unfortunately rather common with such a trauma, and we have not yet advanced far enough to treat such a phenomenon." The doctor shook his head, truly wishing that he could help the two. They were some of the kindest people he had treated and he felt pity for the pain they were experiencing, but there was truly nothing he could do.

Benedict nodded in understanding, thanking him again as the doctor left. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before returning once again to Madeleine. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She smiled and leaned into his touch.

"Our baby is okay." She whispered, placing a hand on her stomach. He smiled softly and nodded, kissing her temple.

"Our baby is okay." He repeated, rubbing his hand up and down her arm soothingly. "And it will continue to be okay, we will make sure of it." He assured her as she nodded in agreement, resting her head on his shoulder.

Both felt better now that the doctor was making frequent visits, and they had been discussing whether or not to return to the Bridgerton House. It would certainly make things easier for the doctor to come at quick notice, but both were afraid to share the news of the pregnancy. Losing their first child was hard enough, and having to answer to that pain each time they spoke to somebody made it all the worse.