Dear Daisy,
I want to say really hurtful words. But I can't. I will only make a bigger mess for myself. I feel like giving up. But I know I won't. I can't if I want to survive here.
I want to get really fucked up. I want to get extremely high right now. I want to drink and dance and make stupid decisions. I want to kiss random boys and wake up in beds that don't belong to me. I want to stand on window ledges in the city and almost jump. I want to think about it for a long time. I want to look at the hundreds of stories below me and think long and hard about what they will do when I plummet. But I won't jump. I can't because I am a coward.
I want to die. But I can't do it. I can't because I am too careful. I over think. I care too much.
Who will find me? How will they get that image out of their heads. When would they stop grieving?
I know that people will just forget about me and move on with their lives within a couple weeks. School will still run. Who would cry after a week anyways? I have nobody that would be lost without me. Nobody. They would go along happily and live their lives. Go to college, get hitched, start a family. But I wouldn't. And nobody would care in five years. Their pain would only be temporary anyways. They would live...
I tried splashing cold water on my face like in the movies. I hoped to wake up. But I didn't. It's because the movies are just the fucking movies. Nothing real happens in the movies. Nobody cries, nobody cares, nobody turns into a hero, nobody actually loves. Not in real life. Everything is just a lie created to make human existence slightly more bearable.
But I will let you in on a secret, Daisy. I can see through all of the bullshit. That's why I'm so fucking depressed. All of the loonies and the nut jobs can see the real world. Normal people don't want to get rid of their bogus beliefs. They don't see that people are just pawns to some bigger evil plot. That life is just there to entertain them while the plot is in the works. They don't see it.
And I pity them.
-Cass
YOU ARE READING
Dear Daisy- Journal for Unconventional Thoughts
RandomHave you ever wondered what the mind of a depressed teenager is like? Cassie is a seventeen year old girl learning her way and how to deal with things she never thought she would have to deal with. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love when you guys comment, so ple...
