Out of My League

Chapter 23 (Izzy)

My mom loved my long hair, had always told me it was my best feature and, on the rare occasion that we talked about boys and relationships, she'd always told me that my hair would be my selling point. 

In fact, one time, I distinctly remember her telling me that it would be the only thing a boy could love about me because my other features were 'average, at best.' 

It's refreshing to know that she was wrong, to know that Noah loves me no matter what I do to my hair or how short I decide to get it cut. 

He loves me for me. 

Over my shared iced coffee, I explain to him why, exactly, I got my hair cut, about my mom and how I don't want a single piece of anything that could remind me of her. 

The only part I leave out is how I briefly considered dyeing my hair some extreme color so I wouldn't even have to look at that anymore, but I'd reconsidered. 

Having brown hair makes me who I am and I don't want to change that. 

Noah's eyes were sad, at first, but when I'd explained further how much it meant to me that he proved my mom wrong by loving me either way, he'd lightened up, kissed me, and told me that there was nothing I could ever do to make me stop loving him. 

It's a good thing to hear. 

A few minutes later, we finish the coffee, but neither of us make any move to leave. It's sort of nice to just carry on peaceful conversation here, surrounded by strangers and enjoying each other's presence. 

After a couple of silent minutes, he asks me what I'm going to do when Kenz has her baby and her maternity leave ends. 

I'd nearly forgotten that my job was temporary, but that question snaps me back to reality. 

"I haven't put much thought into it," I admit, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I'm so unused to it being short that I nearly hit my hand against my face when the strand cuts abruptly off. 

"Well, obviously you're going to stay here," he smiles, placing his hand on top of my own, "But, what are you thinking after that? College? A new job?" 

I know, deep down, that I'm probably not moving back to Ohio. I don't want to leave anybody I've met while I was here, Noah especially. 

I hadn't been here long, but Los Angeles already feels like more of a home than Ohio ever did. 

I sigh, considering for a moment before saying, "College was never really in my scope." 

"Why's that?"

"I couldn't afford it, for one," I reply, embarrassed, though I'm not sure why. It isn't as if my background is a secret to him. 

As an eighteen-year old high school graduate being abused by my mother, living on my own was my first step and in order to do that, I had no choice but to get a job. 

College was entirely out of the question, though it was a stupid decision considering there was a chance I could've gone for free if I'd put my own income, or lack thereof, into financial aid. 

Pushing past my income deficit, college was never in my scope of possibilities simply because I wasn't smart enough to attend. 

Sure, I'd gotten the grades that I needed to graduate, hadn't truly struggled if the class wasn't too incredibly hard, but college is different level. 

A level that I wasn't, nor will I ever be, ready for. 

If I never try it, I can't fail at it. 

When I tell Noah all of that, barely pausing to take a breath, he replies with, "I don't, for a single second, believe you're not smart enough to go to college."