Spring Break [on pause]

the decision.

"Come on, guys, campus will be a mess the next couple of days. We all know that. So either we go home, or we go on the trip. It is a difficult decision, but we should consider at least the option of going. I don't know about you, but I can't imagine spending the next days like this one sitting in a room staring at the ceiling. Neither in my dorm nor at home." Parker is right, I tell myself. At the moment, both my residence and my parent's place seem like bad options to me.

"Let's do this!" says Logan. "It is one of the last chances we will have to travel together, so we shouldn't let the opportunity pass."

"Of course, you can go home, Mia, if you want." I try to smile at her but feel silly, given we are staring both at a screen that is not really able to transmit emotions.

"If you are going, I am going too," replies Sienna. "There is no sense for me going back to Europe for a single week, coping with the jetlag, and then flying back to be jetlagged once again. And Parker is right. Sitting in our rooms for a week will be terrible."

Everyone is quiet for a minute, waiting for Mia to say something. Her lips are a fine line, and for a moment, I think she will say no. Would that influence my own decision? The seconds seem to stretch to eternity, but nobody wants to run the risk of interrupting Mia, should she eventually decide to speak.

"Fine" is the only thing she says and shakes her hand. Then, after a few moments, she continues. "I don't really like this idea, but I'm not gonna stay here if everybody else is going to Mexico." For a moment, I have the feeling she looks directly at me. Sorry, Mia, but I can't be your backup right now.

"Let's go to Mexico." I nod as if I am trying to convince myself of the idea. It'll be alright. There is nothing here that we can do for Parker, and traveling might not be the best way to deal with what has happened, but at the moment, it seems to be a better one than many others.

After our decision, we talk for about half an hour about something different than Jason and Mexico. Still, we all feel like the conversation is drifting into being inauthentic, and nobody has to ask why.

As we end the call, I put my phone on charging and lay down on my bed again. A few weeks ago, I was so excited to go to Mexico after tough weeks, tons of assignments, and the feeling of drowning in novels and required readings. Now, going to Mexico doesn't provoke much excitement in me. If anything, it is a relief to have an excuse for leaving my room and Ottawa far behind for a couple of days.

I look around my room. Today is Wednesday, which means I have two and a half days to pack all my stuff and get ready before we'll leave on Saturday morning. Even though that is plenty of time, considering the fact that with normal midterms, I probably had started packing on Friday evening, I feel overwhelmed at the moment. One part of me still doesn't want to leave the bed, while the other part just wants to throw random clothes and shoes in a suitcase, excited by the thought of not needing to stay in this place any longer.

Finally, I get up and start packing. The more I do now, the less I will have to do later. Plus, if I have more time to think about what I need to bring with me, I will be less likely to forget any essentials—bikinis, tops, shorts, flip-flops, casual outfits, short dresses, make-up, sunscreen. Everything wanders into my suitcase, and just as always when you are packing, "Oh, I don't need that much soon turns into "Why is this damn suitcase so heavy?".

As I pack more and more things, the fact that we are flying to Cancun in a couple of days becomes more concrete for me. In addition, I seem to calm down with every item that I put into the suitcase. Flying away means a possibility to get away from reality. It means being able to flee from a situation that feels like a trap.

I am not sure if our decision is the right one. If it is okay to go on a Springbreak trip just a few days after such a terrible event happened. Am I a wrong person because I want to back out the horrible thoughts from my head? Because I want to back out Jason from my mind?

Maybe I just don't wanna think about it that much because Parker's words from the Dining Hall still echo in my head. But how did Jason fall? It's not that people simply fall from upper levels. Was it really an accident? Or was it ... intentional? I try to push the thought aside. Jason's roommate suspected that Jason was on medication. I didn't see Jason much but from what I heard he was rather stressed and anxious during the last months. It is understandable because he was known for earning the highest grade in every class, he was the editor-in-chief of the school's newspaper and the president of uOttawa's Asian-Canadian society. Surely, keeping up with all these memberships was difficult and time consuming. But could this really have led to ...

to what Ava? To him jumping over the handrailing in CRX?  No, that can't be possible. Jason would be the person to reach out when in trouble. He might have had a challenging phase in his life, but he definitely knows when he should get some help. Or am I just telling myself that in order not to freak out? It's probably best to let the police investigate what exactly has happened. Still, I am sure. It must have been an accident. Jason did not take the decision to die.

________

Chapter 4 is here!! So excited for you guys to read that :) And since we now have a decision from our group get ready for some nice sunny chapters ;)

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