The Thread Between Danny and Me

Chapter 17: There was a thread

That night I lay with my head under the covers and sobbed. I had so much pent-up emotion and crying was the only way I could get it all to release.

Danny, I thought after my tears had subsided. I love you.

I was an idiot. A real, bonified, certified idiot.

I had never been in love before—maybe that's why it took so long to understand what had been happening. But what surprised me the most was just how different this love felt compared to the other crushes I'd had.

How different it was from Josh.

I laughed, still underneath the covers. No wonder I didn't want to kiss Josh. No wonder I didn't feel anything when we did kiss!

But Danny?

Oh.

Just thinking about him sent all kinds of feelings throughout my body. I definitely wanted to kiss him. Something within me ached for him. For his hands to touch me in places I hadn't thought about being touched before.

I imagined him lying next to me. I imagined getting cozy in his embrace and listening to him speak in that soft voice he'd adopted.

When did I start loving him?

I had no idea. Certainly, I preferred Danny's company to Josh's back when we were dating. That should've been a clue.

My god, I really was an idiot.

Regardless of when I started loving him, the feelings had been brewing for a while.

Danny was the kindest, most thoughtful person I'd ever known. He'd gone out of his way to take care of me ever since we became friends. He made me laugh more than anyone else I'd met. He made me feel safe. He made me feel like, as a person, I was enough just the way I was. He was driven, but not single-minded like I was. He believed in me. Balanced me. He allowed me to be the best version of myself. He deserved the world and I wanted to give him everything I had.

"I love you," I whispered out loud. "I really love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out."

I also had another feeling. It had nothing to do with butterflies, dizzy spells, or any of that stuff. It was a gut feeling saying we should stick together for the rest of forever. That if we were to separate, it would inflict an unnatural pain upon us.

It made me think of something out of Jane Eyre when Mister Rochester said he imagined a cord tying their hearts together, and if they separated the cord would snap, and he would bleed internally.

I laughed under the covers again. I'd always found Mister Rochester to be a miserable, horrible, lying, gaslighting, unstable jerk. Well, I still thought that, but he'd correctly identified the feeling.

There was a thread tying me to Danny. I was sure of it.

"I love you," I whispered again. It was cheesy, but I thought maybe the cord that tied us together would carry my feelings to him.

What were his feelings toward me?

Nicole had made a good point about the way Danny looked at me. He had to love me, right? The way he stood close. The smiles he gave, the way he held me at the dance. The way he put his forehead on mine.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm stupid. You picked a stupid person to love. You figured it out a long time ago, didn't you? You've been waiting for me to wake up. Thank you, for being patient."

My parents knew too. I groaned and kicked my legs under the covers. My parents had been dropping hints for who knows how long.

But as my mom said, I had to figure it out for myself.