The Thread Between Danny and Me

Chapter 21: I want you to know

I hoped Danny would come around after hearing about my impending departure, but he did not.

Sure, I caught him staring at me a lot. Once, I swore I felt his hand brush mine in the crowded hallway between classes, but that could've been my imagination.

Everybody knew about me leaving school, but nobody knew about Ashley-Claire. When I asked her why, she just shrugged and said, "I like the idea of ghosting everybody. Nobody here really knows me, anyway."

The closer it got to June, the more it felt like I needed some kind of closure with Danny. I knew he wasn't going to talk to me, but it still felt wrong to leave without saying anything.

That's when I had the idea to leave him a note. On the last day of school, right after the final period, I could slip a note into his locker. In it, I'd say...something. I wasn't sure what, exactly.

I thought about asking Ashley-Claire to deliver my note to Danny, but ultimately, I decided against it. My note was going to be a quiet thing between him and me. Nobody else needed to know or be involved. It was the only way I could think to apologize for everything that happened.

My dad sold his computer repair business to one of his long-standing employees which allowed us to buy a small house in Dedham, Massachusetts. It was only thirty minutes from the Boston Children's Hospital, and better yet, we could get there without having to travel on busy highways.

Our new house was a lot smaller than our old house. Hector would have to share a room with our new brother, and we didn't have a large basement area either. But it would keep us all together as my mother wanted.

Those last few months of freshman year consisted of me pouring every ounce of my energy into schoolwork. It felt like the only thing I had left. I tried to stop caring about Danny. I tried to stop analyzing what had happened. I couldn't, of course.

But I tried.

He had imprinted himself onto me. It was like there was a Danny-shaped stamp somewhere on my heart that wouldn't come off no matter how hard I scrubbed. I was permanently altered by him. For better, or for worse.

Ha.

I rewrote my note to him dozens of times. I experimented with the type of paper and cute ways to fold it, the color of the pen, and my handwriting. In the end, I settled for a piece of my architecture notebook paper and a black drawing pen. I also decided to give him the picture of us as children. I wanted him to remember.

The last day of school came before I was ready. As planned, my mother had already moved to the new house in case she gave birth early. Hector and I worried incessantly about her because she was alone. We both made sure to call her every day. Hector called in the evening and I called in the morning.

It was warm, that day in June. I made sure to do my hair and picked something especially cute to wear in case Danny changed his mind. Just in case he came and found me after reading my note and seeing us as kids.

I saw Danny from a distance that morning. He wouldn't look at me. His features were sunken, and his eyes were darkened. I wanted to soothe whatever pain he was in. If only he'd let me.

After finishing my last final, I asked if I could use the bathroom. My teacher said yes, and I left with my purse, relieved I didn't have to sneak the note into Danny's locker after the bell rang. I walked down the hallway, thinking about all the times Danny had shouted my name. All the times we'd exchanged playful banter.

I mourned those times. If only I knew how lucky I was then.

I peered around the corner to Danny's locker, both disappointed and relieved to find it empty. Then I jogged up to it, shoved the note and photo up the air vent slot, and disappeared. It was done. I couldn't take it back now.