The Gilded Cage - Taking my Place

New Year

Holidays over, I embraced the new year in the bosom of my large adopted family. And we had grown again, I noted, as a unit, as the ladies of the house, all daughters of Eve, gathered for our morning devotions on a dark, stormy early January morning. I sat next to Grandmama as always, with Mama sat on her other side of her, whilst Auntie Susannah sat next to Auntie Louise, Catriona's daughter and the mother of Henry, Samantha and Rebecca Blundell. Mr Keith Blundell, their father, and my uncle, all of a sudden, had flown back to Frankfurt just to clear his desk and arrange the transport home of their possessions, but the kids were due to start at Deepdene in a matter of days, so Louise and her sweet children had remained with us. In the best Meadvale tradition, we would all be living together, and Auntie Louise was as much under Catriona's advice as anyone else. Not that she seemed to mind, because she clearly loved her mother, and she had been very welcoming to me.

I still enjoyed my devotions with Catriona. She always said it was her favourite time of the day, and I agreed with her. It was more or less the one time of the day when I could really stop myself thinking about problems and just concentrate on God and my faith, and it brought me peace. And that morning, with all our other guests departed, it felt as if we could get back to normal, and I could stop worrying about my parents, and about the ongoing purge. I had been talking to Catriona, Helen and Miss Knight, and a problem shared really was a problem halved for me, or more. I was not hiding away and worrying on my own, but expressing my fears and concerns, and talking them through, getting them out of my system. Helen had advised writing to my mother again to try and clear the air, once more, so that I could say what I wanted to say without getting quite so upset, and although it took me some days to perfect, I think I produced a good letter. I told my parents that I still loved them and still wanted them in my life, but I made it clear that I was a Montague before I was anything else. Helen and Colin had started the administrative process to legally adopt me, with only my consent, which was possible for me to do as an adult as my birth parents had no say in it, and I was delighted to agree to their suggestion, absolutely thrilled. And although I could see that my decision might upset my birth parents, because I was quite clearly rejecting them that time, it was certainly a positive for me for the future. It gave me the certainty I needed, and removed the fear of somehow having to go back to my parents. Papa was a little concerned that it might seem provocative, but he was persuaded by Mama, and by Catriona, who was possibly even more excited about the imminent prospect of me legally becoming part of her family than I was.

"You have made it clear to your parents that you want a good relationship with them, so you are not rejecting them," Miss Knight informed me, later on, whilst we were all taking a stroll in the park, with the children, as the winter sun was shining straight after lunch. "They agreed to you joining this family originally...in fact, they were delighted about it...and in the eyes of this community, you are already a Montague...this is just a simple legal confirmation of your position in this family, bonding you together forever...it would be illogical to object to it after all this time."

"My mother is not a very logical person, Miss Knight?" I sighed, leaning on her arm, our cloaks and skirts crushing together as we strolled along the narrow path together. "But I do hope that if I show that I want to stay in touch, she will come around...eventually...I am not sure my father will, but that is more about business than me...or politics...or whatever it is he finds more important than my happiness!"

"Peace will eventually break out, I expect...now dear, you and I shall have hot chocolate and pretend to supervise the children in the playground, I think...I am getting far too old for all this walking around in the cold, even if the sun is shining...and you may get a chance to practice your conversation!" She said with a big twinkle in her eye that suggested the hot chocolate was of more interest to her than my lessons. She was quite old, of course. Catriona Montague was in her mid-sixties and Miss Knight had been a young assistant nanny when she was born, so she had to be well in her eighties, but you would never have guessed it, and her mind was still as sharp as a knife. So, whilst everyone else took another quick turn around the park, we settled ourselves in the warm café, near the windows so that we could see all the children, although Miss Ford and the other ladies would watch them, and ordered very large drinks. And as soon as they arrived, Mrs Edwina Deacon and my mother appeared from nowhere, with Bella and Sheila Radcliffe following in their wake. Both Bella and Sheila were under discipline, I was so sad to see, but that was really nothing unusual for them, of course. Mum and Mrs Deacon were absolute tyrants with them and never seemed to leave them alone. I mumbled a good morning and a happy new year to everyone, and then let Miss Knight take control of the conversation from there.