Devil's Tango (Quackbur)

Chapter 5

Quackity took a deep breath.
"I wanna quit being a priest."
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"Quit?" Wilbur asked.
"Yeah, I wanna quit. I've had enough of this church, I've had enough of religion, I just wanna give it up and be an atheist," Quackity said, head in hands.
"I get that, I get that, honestly in my opinion religion is a big waste. XD hears the prayers and doesn't do shit about them, he just lays about all day in Heaven with his angels by his side, he's honestly really spoiled," Wilbur said, shrugging, "so being an atheist would be better."
"What if I go to Hell, though?" Quackity asked anxiously.
"You'll be very welcome there," Wilbur said with a playful nudge. "I'll make sure of it."
"But aren't you just a demon, though? What can you do?"
"Ah."

"What?" Quackity asked.
"Well... I haven't been exactly truthful about what kind of demon I really am," Wilbur said, scratching his neck awkwardly.
"Wait... what?"
This was getting curiouser and curiouser.
Wilbur paused.
"Well, I'm actually, kind of... the King of Hell. You guys call me Satan, well, obviously that isn't my real name, but... yeah."
Wilbur gave a small chuckle.

"You're... you're Satan?" Quackity exclaimed. "Like... the Devil?"
"I guess, I prefer Wilbur though," Wilbur said with a laugh.
"B-but the Bible says that you're all evil and stuff! You don't seem evil to me, apart from threatening me a few times. Why were they so wrong?!"
"Me and XD... we had a fight. I used to be one of Heaven's angels, but he banished me so I created Hell. And he doesn't like me for obvious reasons, so he commanded his clueless followers to write shit about me in his books, so here we are," Wilbur said with a shrug.

"Wait, if you're Satan-"
"I prefer Wilbur-"
"-then can you do whatever you want? Like anything?"
"Anything within my reach, yes," Wilbur responded.
"Really? Anything?"
"Oh, anything, darling," Wilbur said, and winked at Quackity.

Quackity looked down, blushing.
"I-"
"Rendered you speechless, hm? Flustered that easily?" Wilbur asked, eyes half lidded and lips curling into a smirk.
"Shut up."
"Make me, why don't you?" Wilbur said with a grin.
Quackity's face heated up even more.

"Anyway, I- uh, I probably have to go to the church. You know, to resign."
"I'll come with, then," Wilbur said, getting up cheerfully.
"Are you sure? I mean... it's a church. What if someone sees you?" Quackity asked anxiously, playing with his sleeve, but Wilbur shrugged it off.
"So what? Nobody will believe them."
Quackity sighed.
"Fair enough."

Fifteen minutes later, Quackity was at the church with Wilbur by his side.
He walked in anxiously, ignoring the people milling about the courtyard staring at him.
He walked up the stone steps until he saw Foolish poring over the holy book.
"Foolish?"
Foolish turned.
"Oh, hi, Alex! Thought you took the day off, didn't you?"
"Oh, yeah, uh, I have... I, um..." Quackity said awkwardly, "I wanna resign."

"Resign?" Foolish looked surprised. "I thought you loved your job?"
"No, I... I don't. I don't enjoy it."
"Oh." Foolish frowned. "Well, I'll miss you, that's for sure."
Wilbur nudged Quackity slightly and winked, but Quackity ignored him.
He didn't want Foolish to think he was insane or anything.
"Yeah, if you could just notify the other church members, that'd be great," Quackity said- this was going better than he'd expected.
"Yeah, of course, Alex," Foolish said warmly.
"Alright, um, I'll... I'll be going now."
"Do drop round sometimes for a sermon or two!" Foolish called as Quackity (and Wilbur) headed out the church.

As soon as they were out, Quackity rounded on Wilbur.
"What was that about?"
"Hm? What was what about?" Wilbur asked, picking at a fingernail casually.
"You know! Nudging me! Winking at me! Do you want Foolish to think I'm insane?" Quackity nearly yelled.
"Not insane."
"Then what?" he demanded.
"I don't know. Non religious would be best," Wilbur replied with a grin. "I fucking hate XD with a passion."
"Yeah, cuz all the religious people would lose their shit if it got out that I was friends with a demon-"

Foolish turned and walked away, speed walking so Quackity didn't realise that he'd heard.
Wilbur, however, spotted it.
"Hey, isn't that your friend? I think he heard what you said."
"He what?"
Quackity looked just to see Foolish's back disappearing behind the stone wall of the church.
"Oh shit."

"Wait! Foolish! I can explain!" he cried out, running after the other man desperately.
Foolish turned and looked at him with disdain in his eyes.
"Can I just explain it? In the church?" Quackity asked, panting.
Foolish crossed his arms but followed Quackity into the church.
"I wasn't summoning a demon and I haven't, I swear to Prime I haven't- I was just joking-"
"The jig is up, I know you're a Satanist, Alex," Foolish said.
"N-no, I'm not, I swear I'm not-"
"I've heard all I need to hear. I'm getting you an exorcist," Foolish said, and started to walk away.

Getting desperate at this point, Quackity grabbed Foolish by his robes and forced him back inside the church.
"Ow! How dare y-"
"I'm not a Satanist. Say it. Say 'Alex Quackity is not a Satanist'," Quackity demanded, teeth gritted.
Foolish paused for a second.
"No."
Quackity glanced at the small bronze dagger hanging up on display near him.
No...
But...

"Why the hell not?" Quackity asked, getting really mad now. He grabbed the front of Foolish's robes aggressively, nearly choking Foolish for a second.
"You- you summoned a demon! And you expect me to believe you aren't a worshipper of Satan himself?"
"He prefers Wilbur."

That last sentence slipped out from Quackity's mouth, and the weight of what he had just done was not lost on Foolish.
"You know Satan?! And you're on first name terms with him?!" Foolish yelled.
"I... um, I don't actually know his last name. So I guess so."
"It's Soot," Wilbur murmured. All in all, he was finding this whole interaction quite amusing so far.
"Oh. It's Soot. Never mind," Quackity said.
"Wait... he's here?!" Foolish exclaimed.
"Maybe."

"I'm getting an exorcist."
"No! You can't! He's not a bad guy-"
"He is! He's the king of Hell himself, of course he's bad!" Foolish said.
"Well... he isn't, really, I mean, he's helped me with my religious trauma, so..." Quackity said, shrugging.
It was an eerily Wilbur-like gesture.
Wilbur smiled and blushed a little- he found it cute how Quackity was sticking up for him like that.
"I don't care, Alex, you've obviously been corrupted by him, I'm here to set you free," Foolish said. "Where is he, even?!"

"He's right next to me," Quackity said, nudging Wilbur. "Wil, do your spooky voice thing."
Wilbur laughed. "You sure? It'll scare him."
"I'm sure."
"Alright then."
Wilbur cleared his throat and began to speak- not in his normal voice, but in a voice that echoed around the church.
"Hey. I'm Wilbur."
"What the- he's not a hallucination?!" Foolish exclaimed. "Show yourself, demon!"
"Only if you summon me," Wilbur said, and looked at Quackity, smirking. "Like Quackity here did."

"Yeah, that's why I can see him," Quackity said. "I mean, we're kind of friends but not really, I guess he's alright."
"Hey!" Wilbur said, and laughed.
Quackity suddenly realised how weird it must have been for Foolish, to see him nudging what looked like air and talking to it.
"You- you are a Satanist! I was right all along..!" Foolish exclaimed. "This is gonna need a really good exorcist."
"No. No. You aren't exorcising Wilbur. Never," Quackity stated.
"I am. Get out of my way," Foolish said, pushing Quackity out of the way of the door and trying to head out.
Before he knew it, Quackity had grabbed him and slammed him into a wall.

"No!"
"G-get off- ack- me," Foolish said, struggling for air, hands desperately trying to get out of Quackity's grasp.
"No. Tell me you aren't going to exorcise him," Quackity said, "he's the only slightly good thing to happen to me in my fucking miserable life, and you're not going to take him away!"

"I'd tell you I'm not going to exorcise him, but isn't it a sin to lie?"

Quackity snapped and grabbed the small bronze dagger on display on the wall.

Blood pooled on the church floor as screams echoed through the church, fading with every second, before the holy place was silent once more.