Wasting (5sos L.h -anorexia)

chapter 1

I AM RE-WRITING THIS CHAPTER SO IGNORE PLS!
THANK YOU X

Luke's P.O.V

I have serious anxiety. And I mean serious anxiety. I cant read aloud in class because I get extremely stressed and just start laughing like an idiot or I stutter OR mispronounce every word. Or everything at once. At one point my worries got so bad, my parents noticed. Probably because I walked around with my head down as if I was guilty of murder. I had told them about how I cant read out loud during class reading whilst hysterically crying. I 'scared' them. And not as in my-parents-are-concerned-about-me scared (if that makes sense) but as in I actually scared them. They told me I'm exaggerating and basically made fun of my problem. My mom gave me a pill so that I calmed down but I couldn't stop crying still. 'stop being a girl' was all that my dad said. Yeah, my dad's still one of them "that is not what a man should do" or "that's only for men and that's only for girls" idiot. He's also sexist and homophobic - "you scream like a girl" / "ugh, he's gay" because a guy has a certain style. Its sickening. That is why I'm quiet about my problems now. Even things like my acne. Apparently because I stand in front of the mirror 'obsessing' over how I look, (by just complaining how ugly I am), means I am behaving like a girl and I once got asked "are you gay or something?" Like wtf! Firstly, I am 100% not a homophobe, but I am also 100% not gay. I did not find offense in that question, I just got purely pissed the fuck off! Just the fact they ask me that question as if being gay is tragic to be, is on its own fucking low, and Secondly that's so fucking offensive to girls. Wt actual f.

So I hide my emotions tbh.

So because my confidence is 0.0001 on a scale of 10, I obviously don't enjoy school. And tomorrow is the first day back from the two weeks Christmas holiday. Great. I cant even explain why I dislike school so much. It may be because everyone is a total douchebag or bitch- except calling a girl that makes me feel like a douchebag, even if its true. Everyone glares at me. Teachers always embarrass me. Sickening thoughts of reading out loud constantly weighs me down. Drama. Sport. Being pressured to socialize. Most of the time I feel left out. I want to be part of the confident people, and I know I have that confidence, I just lost it all. It slipped through my fingers and now I cant find it.

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My alarm rings at 6:00. I go downstairs and stare at the bowl of cereal I just made. Should I? Yeah, just today.
After I've eaten, it hits me. It hits me everytime i eat. Guilt. Disgust. I swear I literally feel my self getting fat. My arms becoming bigger, my stomach rolls growing. After I eat once. I don't want to eat again. But after an hour, I get desperate for food. I have a problem. I am obsessed with food and Its not a joke.

After getting ready, I'm just about to leave. I take a glance in the mirror. Why did I even wake up this morning?

Getting out of the car is awkward, its even more awkward when you get out of a car in front of the whole school waiting to go inside. I drop about 4 thing in the process and hear smirks. Wow. Great start. I wait for Ashton like a loner. I feel like a piece of shit when 'friends' from my tutor walk straight pass me to go inside. Just as I was about to text Ashton, his car appears driving down to where I am. Funny we don't even say hello, just nod or give each other a look. Staying positive whilst attending this idiotic place is hard.

We walk up the stairs and I see Zelda. And no, not as in Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda, even though she is a a princess to me. Shes so beautiful yet so kind, unlike the other girls.
I love her amazing, warm smile the most.
"Hey, Luke!"
I froze, how the hell did she even notice pass the crowd that's around her?
"oh hi" I smile back, receiving one from her again.
I felt so happy in that moment. Everyone noticed and glared at me, but she was the only thing I cared about just then.
I wish I could talk to her somehow but I cant because, because I'm me.

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Zelda's P.O.V

Science. I love science. I think I'm the only one who actually enjoys it. Mrs Lafe is annoying but apart from that, its interesting and I must say I'm quite good as well.

"Zelda"
Ughhh. My name is so cringe. I wish my parents weren't addicted to Japanese video games at 25, maybe then id have a better one.
"yes?"
"have you got a pen I could borrow?"
I turned around to meet Luke's sky blue eyes. No doubt he's the most attractive guy I've ever seen. Other girls are just blind, they run after douches.
"of course, hold on" I smiled
"thanks" he grinned.

"Okay class, I have some news"
Everyone but Calum and the idiots go silent.
Just like everyone, Mrs Lafe ignores them and carries on.
"you have to do a a project I will assign you", she gets cut of by whispering, "with partners I choose". The whole class grunts.
I don't mind, to be honest. I just want to get a good grade, even if it means I will be doing all the work.
"Jade and Joe"
"Grace and Will"
"Holly and Caitlyn"
"Zelda and Luke"
"Calum and Bonny"
Wait. Luke? I couldn't help but smile. Maybe he's happy as well. From the corner of my eye I saw him looking over at me with a worried face. Oh. Maybe not.

{Author's note}

So before I start let me just say thankyou for the amount of reads I have now. Buti need motivation to keep writing so please vote or comment! Ilysm ty

Okay, I'd just like to clear up, Luke is not actually that over weight. He's kinda, only a tiny bit chubby, but not actually unhealthily over weight. I used google to find out that the maximum average weight for a 17 year old male is 184lbs, 'not any higher'. But if you weigh this, over, or around that, its fine. It's fine as long as you accept yourself. Luke (in this story) suffers from BDD- Body dysmorphic disorder. It doesn't always have to do with weight, sometimes people with BDD focus on one part of their body that they feel is imperfect, even if others cannot see it.
You cannot self diagnose yourself with something serious like that, remember. If you or your friends sometimes say 'ugh I'm so fat' or 'my lips are too small' that could just be an insecurity. Luke is paranoid and thinks about his weight and face 24/7 even if people (like his dad) don't see a problem.
I also liked to introduce the fact that guys can complain and worry about their features like 'girls do' because its natural. Society just made it a stereotype against mostly one gender. Anorexia or any illness simular like that (e.g depressions) is glamorized. Especially on tumblr, instagram hash tags, are mostly presented with a picture/ text of or about a skinny girl. What about guys? I wanted to make this story controversial. Bye.
Ily x