Hermitcrap

Too Far Broken(3)

Exeli POV

     Three months, one week, four days, six hours, and fifty-two minutes. 

     That's how long it's been since my attempted suicide. 

     After three months, one week, four days, and fifty-two minutes, I'm ready to try again. 

     I grab the blade in front of me. 

     I raise it up to my chest. 

     I know I'll be happier. 

     Everyone else will be happier. 

     Even Xisuma will be happier. 

     Then why am I hesitating? I'm certain this is the only option, so why do I feel so unsure? I want this so badly, so why am I scared? I'm ready. Right? Am I ready? I think so. 

     I grit my teeth, squeeze my eyes shut, and plunge the small, silver dagger that Xisuma gave to me when we were kids into my heart, like it did everytime I think of what I've done to him. I deserve this. 

     It hurts so badly. . . there's so much blood. . . I missed the heart. . . I might not die. 

     The once brown walls are now a dark crimson, kind of like my old armor. X and I's matching armor. I miss it. It was destroyed in the void, like I was. Broken into a thousand pieces. Shattered. Gone. 

     A fresh wave of pain washes through me as I try to get up. I can't take this. I need to end it now. 

     I take the dagger out of my chest, letting out a pained whimper, and strike myself again. Blood falls out of my mouth. Darkness sweeps around my vision, beckoning me to join it in the Foreverdark, dancing and laughing without a care. 

     I go willingly. 

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     I open my eyes. I'm still in my hom-house. My house. 

     I look around. Oddly enough, the wounds in my chest have vanished, replaced by a glowing heart with a million cracks in it, showing how I feel. How I felt. I don't feel it anymore. 

     Being a ghost is so stress-free. You don't have gravity to weigh you down, and it feels nice having zero pain at all. Not even a little bit. I like being dead. 

     A thump outside draws my attention. What's that? Oh, wait, why do I care? For some reason, I just can't shake the feeling that I should care. That I will care. I know why now. 

     Xisuma enters the room, holding a small gift. On it, there's a tag that reads 'Exeli'. He got me a  gift. Another crack forms in the glowing heart. Oh well, not that big of a difference. 

     "Exeli! Where are you? I have a surprise for you!" He says in a sing-song voice. "You here?" 

     His eyes land on the small door that separates most of my old house from the small, little room that I stored things in. The room that now stores my body. 

     "Oh no, please don't go in there. Just turn around! I'm not home! Nope, I am not home. You don't need to come find me." I say, basically to myself since he can't hear me. 

     "Are you hiding from me? Really? I thought we stopped with the childish ga-" X stops in his tracks as he turns the handle and sees what's inside. Another crack forms. 

     "No. No I'm dreaming. No, I thought you were better, I thought. . . I'm dreaming! I'm dreaming! That's the only explanation, I'm dreaming. I'll just pinch myself, and I'll wake up!" Xisuma tries to convince himself that he's asleep, but something in his voice tells me that he knows. He knows he's awake. Another crack. 

     Xisuma reaches to his arm, and pinches himself as hard as possible. When he doesn't wake up, he tries again. And again, and again, slowly starting to cry. 

     "I-I have to b-be d-dreaming. . . y-you can't be d-d-dead. . . y-you promised w-we would always b-be together. . ." He sobs. The cracks start to spread, creeping around every place of the heart that I now have. 

     "I'm sorry. . . I just can't. . . I just can't. . ." I say. He collapses to his knees, still sobbing uncontrollably. He stays that way for an hour. And another. And another. I stay with him. I'm still with you. We're still together. It's just. . . better this way. I love you. Stay strong for me. 

     He looks up at my body, and slowly reaches his hand towards me. He pauses at the blade in my chest, and pulls it out. 

     "No. . . you used. . . I told you to only use this on people you truly hate. . ." Xisuma stares at my unmoving corpse for a moment, and then, he lets out a heartwrenching scream of pure agony. 

     The new heart of mine cracks once, then again, and shatters into a thousand pieces. 

     Just like it did in life.