Kintsugi

Chapter 1

John sat on the arm of the couch, in his loft, gently running his fingers through Marlena's hair, and over the top of her head. He watched the silken strands as they weaved around his hand, mesmerized by the different colors in it. He couldn't bear to let her out of his sight.He'd had his hands on her in some manner, since he'd rescued her from the morgue. Even driving home from St. Luke's, his hand had been firmly entwined with hers. He had brought her to the loft, because he couldn't handle the thought of her being in the penthouse, alone. Especially after what Stefano had done to her, just prior to her being possessed. While she seemed fine, physically, she was deathly quiet, and would randomly have tears silently streaming down her face. John knew she was suffering, and he worried that there was nothing he could do for her. He looked up as Mike finished his exam, and gathered his things together so he could leave. Leaning forward, John placed a lingering kiss on her forehead, before rising, and following Mike to the door, asking him softly, "Mike? Is she okay? She seems awful quiet."

"Physically, she's fine, John. But what we have to remember is that, in a sense, she was held hostage by the devil for months, and like any hostage, she's going to experience some emotional trauma," Mike was worried about Marlena, as well. He had watched her body struggle to stay alive throughout the time she was possessed. Mike had thought he'd seen her die, only to be tricked by the demon, once again.

John was silent for a moment while he processed what Mike said, finally telling him, "Her soul was held hostage, also."

"Exactly. She's going to need some emotional, and spiritual healing," Mike said softly.

"I can give her that," John said, making a decision to focus on Marlena, and help her heal her soul. He would make sure that she knew she was loved, and cherished. John would ensure that she knew, she was not responsible for any of the horrible things she felt she had committed, because one thing John knew for sure...he still loved her. He was still in love with her, and he would never give up on her.

John's realization that he was in love with her came when he thought she'd died. During his time with Father Jansen, as he'd recalled everything they'd been through over the last six months, John had known. Yes, the demon used Marlena's body in an attempt to seduce him, and steal his soul, but he knew, had the seduction continued, he'd have eventually given in. He'd wanted to give in. When the demon came to him in Kristen's form, he'd refused her, pushed her away, but with Marlena, he could barely stop himself. If Kristen hadn't arrived at Smith Island when she did, he wouldn't have stopped. He would have made love to Marlena right there on the beach. Marlena drew him to her like a moth to flame. Even when he knew he shouldn't be drawn to her, he was. He'd even been willing to break his vows to the priesthood.

"I'll be back soon," Mike said before leaving.

"Yeah," John said absently, turning back to gaze on a silent Marlena lying on the couch, staring off into space. He walked over, and crouched down before her, gently moving the hair back from her forehead. She looked at him in such a way that her soul was bared. He saw her fear, her sadness, and all of her insecurities. John cupped her jaw, holding her face steady in his large hand, and said to her softly, "Tell you what, why don't you go upstairs, and take a nice, long, hot bath, and try to relax? Mike should be back soon with something to help you sleep, then I'll be up."

She looked at him with a slightly vacant expression, like she had been lost in her own world, and said, "Hmmm...yeah." Reaching for John's hand, she rose from the couch slowly. He pulled her into his arms, and held her, soaking in her warmth, relieved to have her back. Marlena tipped her head up to gaze into his eyes, and told him, "Thank you. I need you so much right now, so thank you."

"Anything for you, Doc, anything," John told her, kissing her softly on her lips, and watching her turn to go up the stairs. It was only in the last few hours, in his fight with the demon in the morgue, that John became aware of the overwhelming nature of his love for Marlena. He would literally die for her. He almost had died for her. The sheer size of his love for her consumed him, almost as if the love he felt for her was so massive, so all encompassing, that it didn't all fit in his chest, and therefore, left him with a constant dull ache from holding it in. He feared he might lose her again at any moment, and the pain that came with that loss, had him wanting to push her away to avoid the possibility.