Kintsugi

Chapter 7

John eyed the confessional booth as he entered the sanctuary of the church, and turned his head away from it nervously. When he looked at it, he saw flashes of a dream he'd had almost four months ago, during Marlena's possession. Images of her body through the confessional screen, her legs spread wide, and her hand buried in her wet pussy pervaded his mind. It had never happened, but he knew he would never look at a confessional booth in the same way, ever again. He was religious man, obviously, and given some of his dreams, and fantasies over the last year, looking at the confessional booth made him distinctly nervous, and aroused. He spotted Father Jansen near the pulpit, and approached him. "Father Jansen," he said. "I was hoping to speak with you about the status of my dispensation."

"John, I was actually going to reach out to you later today. I received some information from the Bishop that was a little concerning," Father Jansen responded softly. "Could we discuss it in my office?"

Following Father Jansen to his office was not a new occurrence. John had been there so many times over the last year. At first it was over the confusion of his past, was he a priest or not? Then it was in desperation over Marlena's illness, and his fear of losing her to an unknown cause. Finally it was learning that she was possessed, and his fierce determination to save her body, and her soul. Walking into the office set off a myriad of emotions, as John stepped over to the seat in from of the desk, and sat down, asking, "So what do we know?"

"The Bishop can't seem to find the records for your ordainment as a priest," Father Jansen said carefully.

"Can't find it? But the priest in Chicago said I was a priest there," John said, confused.

"You were there. We have record of that, and you were working as a priest," Father Jansen told him. "What we can't find is the final certification that you actually went through ordination."

John leaned forward, placing his hands on the edge of Father Jansen's desk, and asked him, "Are you saying I'm not actually a priest?"

"We're still looking, but...it looks that way. It seems like you disappeared before the final rites were done."

"Father Jansen, I don't think you understand the urgency in this matter," John said, as he stood up in frustration, running his hand through his hair. He approached the window, looking out on the lawn below, before he spoke again, "When Marlena was possessed, when I almost lost her...after everything we've been through..." John turned to face Father Jansen with a look of absolute helplessness.

"So, you've realized you still love Marlena?" Father Jansen asked him, calmly, as if he already knew about John's feelings for Marlena.

"Yes. I don't think I ever stopped," he told the other man. "I almost lost her, and it destroyed me, and helping her through this..."

"Have you broken your vows, John?"

"No. No, I haven't, not really, but it's only a matter of time. We can't go on like this forever. In limbo, while I wait, and now...now you're telling me I might not even be a priest," John said in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I don't have more information for you," Father Jansen replied. "Although, you know, until we know for sure, John, you need to continue to resist these urges."

"I know, Father. I know," John said as he stood to leave. As he walked out to his car, and past the confessional booth, John wondered exactly how long he was going to be able to resist, when he was being tempted at every turn. Marlena's scent filled his home, he woke with her in his arms every morning, and his nights were filled with vivid dreams and fantasies of all the ways he could have her body. It was the sweetest, most erotic form of torture. He wanted it to stop, and he wanted it to go on forever. John didn't even understand how it was possible to crave something, and pray for it to end at the same time. Maybe, what he really craved wasn't an end to the torture, but rather the end to the torture, because he knew that the end was going to be an inferno. When they finally came together, it would be a cataclysmic event. It couldn't be anything less after the sexual tension that had been building between them over the last month.