Kintsugi

Chapter 6

Marlena was silent as they left the hospital, and walked towards the car in the parking garage. John had snatched up her hand, and threaded his fingers through hers almost as soon as they vacated the exam room. The pad of his thumb brushed over her skin, almost as a way of reminding himself that she was with him. The incident in the hospital caused him to relive the night he found her alive in the morgue, as well as all the of the same emotions, and it left him feeling a staggering sense of urgency. Just as they reached the car, which was parked in a dark corner on the 5th level, John pulled her toward the back of the SUV, pinning her there with his body, and leaning his head against hers. Both of them absorbed the silence of the moment, and basked int he heat of each others bodies. They stood like that for several moments, before he whispered to her, "Just let me hold you for a moment, Doc...please."

When she felt his arms sliding around her waist, Marlena sighed softly, her breath brushing over his ear. The tension she had been holding in her body for the last hour drained away, as she sagged against him in relief. "Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?"

"For loving me," she replied. "The last few weeks would have been hell without you. I'm not sure I could have handled this alone."

His hands made their way up her arms, and over her shoulders, to tip her face up to his. "Doc, I swear on everything I am, I wouldn't be anywhere else," he told her. "You scared me back there. You scared me so bad."

Marlena's hands moved to his waist, gripping the fabric of his shirt, and clenching it in her fists tightly, needing the sensation to ground herself to the moment. She took a deep breath, drawing in his comforting scent, and telling him, "I got lost...inside myself...for a moment."

His arms wrapped around her again, pulling her against him so close they felt like a single person. He settled his face in the silken strands of her hair, and he asked her, "What happened?"

"I saw him sitting there, and his eyes...I saw them in my mind, but it was in a memory. He was wearing a mask. I remembered when Stefano was drugging me, but the memories began flashing so quickly, I couldn't sort them...or stop them," she said. "They were disorganized, and out of order, and I was petrified from fear. I understand it...I'd just never experienced it before."

John wasn't sure what she meant exactly, and so he asked her, "I'm confused. Can you explain it to me?"

"In fear there are three responses, fight, flight, or freeze...John, when I saw Stefano, looking at me with those eyes, those evil, calculating, eyes, I froze. I couldn't move, or respond at all," she said, barely above a whisper. "I was afraid, because he still wants me. He won't give up. I could see it, in the way he looked me over, in the way he said my name..." She started crying because she was so scared that it would never end, that it would continue until Stefano was gone. "I remembered what I did to him," she said, looking up at him with tear filled eyes.

"What you did?" he asked her. No one was up there when Stefano fell from Marlena's bedroom balcony, and when they had gone upstairs to check on her, after finding Stefano's near death body on the ground outside, she had been asleep in her bed. Assumptions had been made, that maybe the demon had done something to him, but ultimately it was just speculation. They never really knew, and the demon inside Marlena certainly wasn't giving them details. "Doc, what happened with Stefano?"

"He came in, disguised as a delivery driver. Once he made his way to my room, the demon saw him as an opportunity, and begged him to untie me, and I-they..." she started crying again, covering her face with her hands, as shame rolled through her. "I made him think I wanted him. I cried out for him in a way that was almost sexual. G-d, John, I'm so ashamed."

"Baby, that was not you. It wasn't."

"The demon threw him off the balcony..." she told him. "It-it changed me into something...hideous, and it stalked him to the balcony doors. I...the demon... threw him over. It wanted him to die. It was angry...furious, at his meddling. At his constant interference with the demon's plan to seduce you..."

"The demon threw him over...how? Doc, you're not strong enough," he said.

"I was strong enough when I fought you in the church, remember?" she responded with a question that ultimately needed no answer. "How am I supposed to live with these memories, John? I don't think I can stand it!"

His hands brushed over her hair gently, in a repetitive motion, intended to sooth her, and keep her from getting too upset. "Doc, these memories will fade. They're fresh right now, but with time..."

"Do they upset you?" she wanted to know. Marlena was fearful, that the more she remembered the evil things she did and the more she shared them with John, that he might not want her after all. The doubts were starting to intrude more often.

"How do you mean?" he asked her.

"Does remembering me when I was possessed, or does hearing about what I did...does that make you view me differently?" she asked him.

"It does, but not in the way you might think. I see you as stronger. You are the strongest woman I know, Doc," he told her, tipping his head down slightly to look into her deep hazel eyes. "You're strength is amazing, and I admire you for it."

"You admire me?" she asked him with a small smirk, surprised at his answer.

"Doc, you fought harder for your life, and your family, than anyone ever has," he told her. Unable to hold back any further, John ran his nose alongside hers, allowing the scent of lilacs and vanilla to fill his mind.

"I fought for my children, and I fought for you," she whispered against his lips. "It was always about you, John. Always."

"Marlena," he moaned against her mouth, his lips brushing over hers softly as he spoke her name. The desire to kiss her was devastating him, consuming him, piece by piece. Every time he held back from his most natural responses with her, a small part of him felt lost. What had happened in the hospital had scared him more than he cared to admit, and he was so close to throwing caution to the wind. There was something about Marlena that just felt right, and something about waiting that felt wrong...almost unnatural.

Moving her hands up his chest, she moved to push him back from her, and put space between them, because the moment was quickly becoming heated, as most moments between them seemed to lately. "John, we can't," she told him, even as her back was still pressed firmly against the side of the SUV.

"I don't care, Doc," he mumbled over he lips. Grabbing her hands away from his chest, he pulled them down beside her, and threaded his fingers through hers, pinning them to the side of the car. "Don't make me stop this...G-d, Doc, please don't make me stop..." he whispered roughly, while he gently used his own lips to suck, and pull at hers. "Doc, please," he begged.

The sound of John pleading for her kisses sent a thrill through her body, and he nearly consumed her as she opened her mouth to him. His tongue swept over her in a wave of want, as the length of his body lined up with hers, and pushed her more firmly against the side of the car. He continued to hold their hands together, the fingers of their hands gripping the other so tightly. John's hips ground into the softness of her abdomen, as they both groaned with need.

When he finally released her hands, it was only so that he could free up his own, allowing his hands and his fingers to roam the length of her neck, and finally weave through her hair, pulling it slightly, and sending a rush of arousal through her. "I want you," she breathed into him. "I want you so bad."

"I know," he moaned resting his forehead against hers, before kissing her softly one more time. "Believe me, I know. I want you with me, but it's becoming almost impossible to resist you," he tells her, leaning to place open mouthed kisses along her neck, and rocking his pelvis into her again for emphasis.

"As soon as we hear something from Father Jansen," she said touching his face gently. "I swear John...I'm yours...if you want me."

"Oh, Doc, I want you. That's a fact," he said, stepping back from her. Touching her swollen lips with the tips of his fingers, he whispered, "I love you, Doc."

"I love you, too."