Trust Issues

Soothing Voice

-Y/N's POV-

-⚠️Warning: Mention of past scars⚠️-

I picked up Sirius and drove back to my apartment, it was kinda small but I like where I am. It was around 10:30 pm when we finally got to sit on the couch. "It's great to have you back Sirius." I told her and pat her head. Sirius was a fully trained emotional support dog, she now follows me around and is completely focused on everything I do, she made me feel better being around people.

"What am I going to do tomorrow? Amy wants me to visit again and I am worried that I'll just be in the way or be annoying." I said.

Sirius just looks at me and turns her head at my words.

"I don't want to be around anyone most of the time because of my depression, I have never felt safe anywhere either. It's all that narcissist's fault, I can't even make friends or feel safe all because of her." Sirius senses my anger and lays down on my lap, I start petting her and I felt better.

"My therapist said I should try to get out of my comfort zone and try trusting someone to help with my trust issues, but that's scary because I don't want to trust someone and have them betray me."

My phone started ringing.

"Hello?" I said.

On the phone was your friend named Arri (Are-Ree). He's 26. Arri is a great-looking half-Native American guy, his dad is full Cherokee and his mom is Irish. Arri has been your friend for over 5 years and helped you move to LA. He is the only guy you actually trust because he's helped you get to LA and away from the narcissists. Arri lives in the same apartment building as you and lives two doors down from your door, you guys are best friends and he's very protective of you.

"Hey, I wanted to see if you're doing good." Arri asked.

"I'm fine. I picked up Sirius today and she's the greatest trained puppo." I replied.

"That's great, do you mind if I visit you tomorrow?" Arri asked.

I wanted Arri to visit but I also felt like I should go and see Amy and everyone, what if I bring Arri? Would Amy care if I brought him?

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me to see Amy, she invited me over tomorrow."I said.

"That sounds cool, I don't mind and it's great to know you're visiting her and getting out of your apartment. I'm proud you're going out now." Arri said.

He's not wrong, I only went to the gym, came back here, and edited videos for people as my job, so I guess visiting Amy is good for my health.

"I am too. I'll see you tomorrow." I said.

I hang up my phone and put it on the table, Sirius brings me her dog bowl and I realized she probably hasn't eaten since this morning.

"Let's get you some food." I said.

I walk into the kitchen and get her some dry food and crack a raw egg on it for extra protein. Sirius eats all her food and then follows me to go to bed. I walk into my room and step into my bathroom to shower, I take my clothes off and get in the shower. I start to think of what will happen tomorrow if I bring Arri. Will Amy be mad if I bring him?

(Thoughts)

Why did you bring company? (Amy's voice)

I didn't say you could bring anyone else Amy's voice)

He's nicer and can actually make eye contact and talk, unlike you (Amy's voice)

What if they like him more and completely forget I exist? (My voice)

-⚠️Warning: Mention of past scars⚠️-

My mind started racing and I felt my heart speed up, I could barely breathe. Sirius started scratching at the door and manage to open it and ran in. I get out of the shower, put on a towel, and just sit on the tile floor. Sirius sits by me and I start petting her, it calmed me down a little but my mind was still racing and I wanted it to stop. I get up from the tile and walk to the sink, I open the drawer to see something I haven't used in over two years... I pick up the blade and looked at my hip which had a few scars from years ago, I've been clean for this long, am I really going to mess that up?

I put the blade by my hip and before I could do anything, my phone started ringing.

Ring! Ring!

I looked to see who it was, I didn't recognize the number but I answered it anyway, I answered with a shaking hand and tried to talk but my voice was breaking.

"H-Hello?" I say trying to sound alright and not completely broken down.

"Hey, Y/N." Said the voice that sounded very familiar... Ethan? How did he get my number?

"Uh, Ethan? H-How did you g-get my n-number?" I asked while trying not to cry.

"Amy, she wanted me to have it so we could talk. I thought she told you, I'm sorry if I'm bothering you." Ethan said.

"You're not bothering me, I was kinda lonely." I said. Ethan's voice was very soothing and made me feel better, I wanted to hear him talk more.

"You don't have to be lonely I'll talk all day if you want, or we could hang out if that's alright?" Ethan said kinda nervous.

Me hanging out with a guy who I barely know? But I love the sound of his voice, why?

I think for a second and accidentally drop the blade which I managed to catch and accidentally jab my hand with it.

"Ow!" I yelp.

"What was that? Are you alright?" Ethan asked with worry and concern in his voice.

I had to think fast.

"Yeah, just moving stuff around in my room and I dropped my hot iron on my hand..." I said. nice going he'll never believe that.

"Are you burned? Do you need to go to the emergency room?" Ethan asked panicked.

"No! I'm fine, I just need to ice it. And thank you for being concerned, I also want to ask if it's alright with you and Amy if I bring one of my friends with me tomorrow?" I ask shyly.

"It's fine with me and I know Amy loves meeting new people. Bring anyone." Ethan said.

"Thank you, and thanks for calling. I really appreciate you taking the time to call someone you just met." I said.

"You're really cool and I really hope we can become close friends. Goodnight,
Y/N." Ethan said and hung up the phone.

Wow, I had an actual conversation and didn't feel awkward or nervous... Why? And why is his voice so soothing and comforting? Whatever. I need to wrap up my hand and cover it before I go to Amy's tomorrow.

Thank you for reading, the next chapter will be out soon.