A Little Dinged Up (gxg)

Chapter 35

As usual, Ava was absolutely right. It was pretty fucking amazing. Her house was a little three bedroom house with three bathrooms and a little over 2500 square feet set near enough to the Hollywood Hills that we could smell the money. She had a small pool in the back, and a hot tub tucked into the lush vegetation that surrounded her fenced in backyard. She even had towering bamboo plants in there, so it looked like a jungle! It was gorgeous, and so secluded that we could do whatever we wanted in the backyard.

So, we did. Walking around naked and skinny dipping when not getting all over tans were the norm for the first week. Titty had a blast exploring the house and the backyard and seemed ready to rule over it with an iron paw. She even got in the pool with us, though mostly just to sit on the top step and splash.

Miki and Liv were in Vegas for one of Miki's tours when we first moved in, something that she was doing once a month while Liv did her guest artist gig at the same time. They had done trips to San Diego and San Francisco while we finished the movie, and they were having a blast in Vegas while doing the show there too. Liv had given up her apartment, and between her new success and Miki's career taking off, they'd been able to afford a small two bedroom bungalow that was only 15 minutes from Ava's house. I was so happy that they'd found each other! They were seriously two of my favorite humans on the planet. We planned to have them over for a nice little dinner party when they came back tomorrow, and I couldn't wait to see them since it had been much too long since they saw us in Nashville.

We rented a truck, U-Haul of course, and loaded my stuff in one trip. I brought the rest of my clothes, everything I needed for filming, and left the rest to donate so others could get some use from it. There were too many things I'd bought with Trish, and I wanted to cut all my ties with the past. My future was Ava, and I'd rather invest in new items with her. It wasn't like we were in a hurry, all we needed was the kitchen, a living room and bedroom to live in. The other bedrooms could wait till we needed them. I put my condo on the market, and it was sold before it even was formally listed because the housing market was just insane. Just like that, I was all in with Ava.

Was it too early to think about cribs?

Yeah, probably. We were still young and had plenty of time to decide on that. Hell, I was already thinking crazy things about spending time with her. Was it too early to buy a ring? We'd been together almost three months, and while I knew I loved her, and she loved me, and what was more than enough for me right now. Wasn't it? Was I rushing because I didn't want to lose her like I did Trish? Was that still clouding my decisions?

Fuck, even as happy as I was, I was still a mess.

"You look like you're thinking too hard." Ava nudged my shoulder as we snuggled on the couch.

"I am. My mind is all over the place," I admitted.

"Do you want to talk it through?"

I thought about my feelings versus my worries. I knew I loved her, but I was afraid my previous relationship was influencing my actions. That seemed pretty straight forward, right? "I'm worried. I know I love you. I know you love me. But we've only been going out for three months, and I'm afraid of moving too fast. I'm afraid that I'm making decisions to keep you from leaving me like Trish did. But then the other part of me knows I really do love you, and I can list a hundred reasons why I do. Does that make sense?"

"Of course. This is all new, and you did just go through a painful breakup. I'm sure you still worry because of that, it's only natural," she assured me. "But you know our love is real, right?"

"Yeah! I do! I know that. But I mean, I left L.A. to come and try to ask you out, and then three months later I came back and we're in love and I'm living in your place together."

"Our place!" she corrected.

"Huh?" I missed that for a moment.

"This house. It isn't my place. It's our place. I love you. I want you in my future. So, this is our place. We live here together. It isn't my place and you're a guest. All these feelings would be natural until you realize that I have feelings too. If I thought we were moving too fast, I would tell you. If I was worried about having you move in with me, I would mention it. I want all of this just as much as you do, and it has nothing to do with a breakup and everything to do with our love and the future I can see with us together." She was looking deep into my eyes, and they were captivating me as she was trying to convince me that she was right.

And it made sense! All my worries were one sided because I never took into consideration her feelings and actions. She wanted this as much as I did! So, while it may be fast, it was also exactly what we both desired in a relationship. "You don't think we're moving too fast then?"

She shook her head at me, keeping the smile on her face. "Lylah, I have been very patient when it comes to relationships, because I don't want to have one just to say hey look, I'm dating so and so. Meeting you during seven surfers was eye opening, because you weren't intimidated by anything, but just went to work while being cool and beautiful. I was shocked when I saw your videos, but they explained why you were never afraid on set. You'd already done so many other crazy things that it was nothing. You were so refreshing! For the first time, I had found someone I wanted to date, but you were with someone else. So, I backed off. But now you're mine. Now I am yours. Now, you are living with me, and we can keep making each other happy every single day! Are we moving fast? Yeah, maybe a little. But I know what I feel, and I know you feel the same thing. So, while it might feel fast. It really isn't. Sometimes you just know."

"And we both know," I concluded for her.

"Damn right we do!" she agreed. "We're going to make mistakes, which is natural, right? But we will work through them. There is no reason to think that in five years we couldn't be living here as a married couple with a couple of kids and a few more cats. I wouldn't be doing all of this with you if I didn't think we have a real shot at a future together."

"This is real then, right?" I don't think I realized until that point how scared I was. The thought of Ava leaving me now that we were together made me physically ill. It was bad before when she left to protect herself, but if it happened again, I didn't know what I'd do.

"This is all real. You're my girlfriend and someday soon maybe a whole lot more. I love you Lylah, never doubt that." Ava's words were settling my nerves, and her arms around my body pulling me into her made me feel more at peace. I hated feeling this way. Now that I was home, I was going to have to spend more time with my therapist, because while Titty was helping a lot, my new insecurities weren't easy to deal with.

"I'm sorry Ava, I really am. I'm so fucking happy that I guess I keep expecting the rug to be pulled out from under me at any second," I admitted. "This is all too perfect."

Ava nodded as she pulled my head into her shoulder. Normally, I would be the one doing this for her, but right now I needed the comforting. "And perfect scares you?"

"No, perfect is what I need. You're what I need. It's the thought of losing you that scares the hell out of me. I couldn't handle that at all," I explained.

"Then you're in luck, because you're not going to lose me. We still have so much to do and see! You still owe me that bike ride up to Napa Valley, and I want to travel all over with you and Titty, and I want to go to art shows with you so we can get some color in some of these rooms. I want to do everything with you!" she gushed. "I'm not leaving you Lylah. You would have to do some horrible things for me to do that, and I know that isn't in your nature. Your heart is safe with me."

"Thanks Ava," I mumbled into her chest. "Yours is safe with me too. Everything with you has been so good, and just what I need. I know we'll have issues, but I know I'm never giving up on us."

"Then we'll be stuck raising our little queen together, because I'm never giving up either. I can't imagine you not in my life."

This girl made me weak, but in a good way. I couldn't get enough of her, and I didn't want to. Sometimes it was nice to relax and let her hold me, to not have to be strong all the time but know that she'll take care of me. I know I was still a little messed up, or at least my mind was, now that Ava had done such an amazing job on my heart. But I also knew that she'd support me no matter what happened in the future, and I would do the same for her.

I'd found the love I needed.