The Crown's Reflection

Chapter Nine: Familiar Feelings

"I just want you to want the pieces of me that you cannot see."

-Gemma Troy

Elsea slept on the couch, but she couldn't get comfortable, tossing and turning throughout the night. When it was morning, she felt exhausted and her thoughts were a mess.

She would need a job at some point.

Where was she going to live?

How long was the contract with Everett?

What was Saphira doing as queen?

Was her family looking for her? 

What would it be like if Elsea's family was different...like Everett's?

Her head felt like it was going to burst, and she groaned. Just yesterday she'd been so bright and hopeful for the future. Meeting Everett's family had made her realise that she was the reason he hadn't seen his family for a while. He was devoting all his time to her, and once she gave him the money, he'd be gone.

Then, it slammed into her like a shot of cold water. Elsea realised how selfish she was for not seeing what was right there all along.  Everett didn't just want her money. He needed it. With the rest of the gold coins, he could feed his family without worry. Everett and his family were happy, yes, but they were still poor. No wonder he'd leapt to the chance to earn money. And here Elsea had thought that he was just greedy.

With a jolt, Elsea sat up. What a fool she was. The only thing she was to Everett was a burden. He'd quickly become a bright spot in her life, and she'd foolishly thought that maybe...maybe he genuinely liked her. Elsea was still alone, no matter how many people surrounded her.

"Stupid." She muttered, palms clenched. Elsea had thought she'd grown used to being alone, of not being wanted. So why did she think this time would be any different? Everett had his loving, warm family. Elsea had no one. Old wounds tore open, threatening to overwhelm her after being locked inside. A wave of emotion swept through her, and an unexplained  rage took hold of her. Envy was such a swirling, hot feeling that made her eyes burn.  She could barely focus on shoving her things away, of getting dressed and throwing open the door. Elsea was storming off when she realised something. Cursing and feeling like a child throwing a fit, Elsea slammed his payment onto the kitchen table, practically breaking a pen as she wrote him a note, driving the pen into the paper until ink bled.

i'm ending the bargain early. i'll be fine. 

bye,

-E

 And then she was running away again. Her angry dash quickly  turned into a slumped walk, and  tears welled up to her dismay. She had no reason to be upset. After all, he was better off without her. They didn't even know each other.

A numbness smothered Elsea as she continued to walk aimlessly, a heavy silence settling over her in Everett's absence.

___

Two weeks later

Elsea turned the page frantically, only to see the acknowledgements taunting her. The author wrote in her acknowledgements:  "To the readers who have to wait a year to read the next book. haha."

How could it end so suddenly? So unfinished? Closing the book with an unceremonious slam, Elsea turned her attention to the young boy in front of her, cursing the author in her mind. 

"Good evening," She said, forcing some brightness into her tone he plopped three thick books onto the counter. "Did you find everything you were looking for?"

The boy looked at her shyly, before answering in a timid voice. "I wasn't able to find the horror section..." His voice trailed off, but she could see the question in his eyes. Elsea helped him find it, his eyes lighting up as he pulled an interesting book off the shelf. She checked them out for him, sighing for no reason (for the millionth time that day).

Her life was comfortable and easy, but there was a growing sense of emptiness. Elsea's new job paid for clothes, food, a room at a nearby inn, all the necessities. She should be happy. She had a peaceful life, though it was lonely.  It hurt to think of him, and it didn't help that there  were reminders everywhere. Even on the other side of Raveene, he seemed to follow her. Although Elsea hated to admit it, she missed him. How utterly pitiful, to miss someone who only wanted your money. 

"Excuse me," A girl about Elsea's age with upturned brown eyes and waves of dark hair smiled at her. "Do you have any book recommendations?"

Elsea was briefly surprised, but hid it well. "Of course," she answered, "What genre do you like reading?" 

"Romance." the girl said easily. Showing her to the romance section, Elsea handed her a few books off the shelf that she'd enjoyed. 

The girl flipped through them and decided to check all of them out. 

"Have a good day," Elsea said when she was finished, and the girl thanked her before exiting. Soon, Elsea found herself recommending books to her regularly. The more she recommended, the more the girl started talking to her.

"I can't believe they both died at the end," she said one day. 

"Me too," Elsea said, and before she knew it, it was a half hour past her work shift and they were still talking. 

"I probably have to go," Elsea said reluctantly, "But I was wondering if I could catch your name?" 

"Hadley! What about you?"

"Elsea." She blurted unthinkably. "I mean no. Elsea is my nickname but uh...Elizabeth is my real name." Great save, she thought sarcastically. They bid each other goodbye, and Elsea wondered if she'd just made a friend. Hadley was easy to talk to, sweet, and honest. Elsea didn't know her that well, but she wanted to. She would be careful, though. Elsea knew that if Hadley figured out her true identity, everything would change. Like it always did. A face flashed in her mind, and Elsea screamed into her pillow, missing him and hating it. 

She missed the fact that he knew her better than anyone, even if he didn't know. She missed the safety of the bargain that bound him to her. She missed how honest she could be with him. She missed his smile. She missed his help on fitting in, and she felt like she was falling apart without him. She missed his constant presence, because she always knew he was next to her. 

She missed him even though she knew it wasn't real.