Mainu Heer Naa Aakho Koyi

V // Dilemma

bread and butter, knife and violence, the warmth of his neck, jeep's front seat, Haider's dark eyes, the rope on my wrists, cutting the tape on my lips with his teeth, engagement, cold weather, beautiful morning, brown dupatta, khwaabon ke parindey, freedom, breathe, rose petals, grave, sujood, amma, paralyzed, locked up, shareek-e-hayaat, validation, conscience, sister, injury, head, amma harmeen & religion, hand on jaw, crankiness, ice cube, control crying, by hook or by crook, spoilt brat, highway, mocking eyes, no wedding, achievement, no apology, hold on dupatta, his brown salwar kameez, nano's, drama, men, home, mess, upcoming wedding, bed.

I hear a jeep's horn and it abruptly wakes me up from the not so relaxing afternoon nap. I run towards the window with a heart as anxious as a tsunami.

He's literally a fucking nightmare come true.

I run downstairs after seeing his jeep.

I see phuppo walking to the door. She sees me and thanks God and so do I when she tells me she's in pain and can't walk.

He presses the horn twice more and gets a cussing from phuppo before I hesitantly go and check the door.

"Tum phir aa gaye?"
(You've come again?)

He gets down the jeep and walks up to me.

"Your mamu is very annoying to talk to, he's going to be the first person to get killed if he intervenes."

I need to complain to the police, mamu didn't even try. It's the only way out.

He can kill my whole family. It's an everyday thing for him.

This is not safe.

I'll have to involve bhai Usman, he's more understanding. He's the closest to baba and knows about his reactions so he won't tell him anything. He'll probably yell at me for trapping myself but for some reason I still don't regret the help that caused our meeting.

"Tumhain le ke jaane aaya hoon. Abbh intezaar ki intehaa ho gayi hai. Bardaasht khatam ho rahi hai meri." (I've come to take you. I'm done waiting. My patience's ending.)

"Koyi aur larki ddhoondd lo. Yahaan daal nahin galne waali." (Find yourself some other girl. You won't get anything from here.)

"Aisa zindagi mein kabhi huaa nahin ke Haider ne kisi cheez ki khwaahish ki ho aur woh usse agle hi lamhe naa mili ho. Zyaada zidd karne se behtar hai khud ko samjhaa lo ke aakhir mein marzi Haider ki hi chale gi."

(It has never happened that Haider's desired something and he hasn't gotten it the very next second. Instead of being stubborn, it's better for you to understand that at the end it'll all happen according to Haider's wish.)

My blood boils at his words. He's a fucking psychopath and I will never understand how people can let their children grow and become this sort of people.

Haider who? Him or his master?

"Aur agar iss dafaa naa chale? Haider khudaa toh nahin hai." (And if it doesn't this time? Haider's not God.)

Neither of them. Nor him nor his master.

"Aap ka mijaazi khuda toh hone waala hai."

(He's about to be your figurative God [husband]).

"Allah naa kare," his words send shivers down my spine, infuriating me more, "Tum se zyaada nafrat maine kisi se ki hi nahin, aur itne kam waqt mein toh maine nafrat hi nahin ki."

(God forbid. I've never hated anyone more than you, I've actually never hated whatsoever in such a short time.)

He stares at me as if sipping his anger, then blows hot air out of his lips, "Apne mama baba ko involve karna hai yaa nahin?"