The most precious medicine

Chapter 14

"No, Master Lan! Absolutely not! I cannot let you do this for me."

Wei Wuxian was completely taken over shock and concern and he had to be helped to sit back down by Lan Zhan lest he would topple over due to his own agitated state. He hated this part of his condition, feeling weak and powerless had been a constant in the latter part of his first and also most of the second life. But not even being able to properly stand on his feet, that was the first.

Wei Wuxian had been aware that the others had already discovered almost the whole truth about his worsening health. It had been only natural when he had troubles with even getting out of bed and walking around, not even talking about acting as he normally would. But he had never expected they would be so worried about him that they would suggest something this foolish.

Not only had Lan Qiren just asked him – no, it actually sounded more like a polite way to inform him that he had no way to refuse – if he would be alright with getting his golden core, even all the others in the room seemed already informed and agreeing with this madness. It looked like Wei Wuxian himself was the only one who retained a bit of common sense and would be able to avoid a tragedy.

He finally managed to get his breathing under control and was no longer gasping for air laboriously. After his outburst, the room stayed quiet, everyone was watching him with even more worry than before.

Wei Wuxian could not understand them at all. Had they not heard him the first time? It was sheer madness for Lan Qiren to even attempt giving his golden core to anyone, his cultivation and his position in the sect were too important to lose. He would just throw them away them fruitlessly in an attempt to help someone like him. Wei Wuxian would not wish this for anyone, much less his husband's uncle.

He knew from first-hand experience how overwhelming losing one's golden core could be. And, he already had the advantage because in the worst moments when he was about to fall into despair, he could at least sooth his own soul with knowledge that his struggles had been useful to someone. He had once saved his brother and then Lan Zhan. Moreover, he had demonic cultivation to fall back on so he was not completely powerless as Lan Qiren would be should he lose his golden core.

For someone as proud and as used to authority as the elder was, it would be like losing his life's hard work. It would surely be excruciating. There was no way Wei Wuxian was about to let him even attempt this! Why did the others agree with Lan Qiren's foolish self-sacrificial plan anyway?

"Wei Wuxian," spoke Lan Qiren after a long while. His posture seemed to have slumped into itself and he suddenly looked much older, as if Wei Wuxian's words had hurt him.

Or perhaps not, realized the former demonic cultivator when the elder continued: "There is no reason for you to try and persuade me. I have already made up my mind. I have accomplished all I could in this life, I had brought up two wonderful nephews and had had my fair share of responsibilities. I wish to retire from sect matters at this point."

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth, ready to say that wanting to live in retirement and giving up his golden core were two completely unrelated topics. Lan Qiren was just not realizing what exactly he would lose and how much harder would his life be without a source of his spiritual energy. His remaining years would also most probably be counted on the fingers of one hand, his cultivation had already sustained his body and mind for much longer than a normal mortal man would have.

However, Lan Qiren was apparently not willing to listen to any of his arguments. He did not let him even start and continued speaking instead: "I know what you want to say. But I have made peace with myself. If I am to leave the cultivation world, I should do it with everything included. So," he lifted his hand and stopped Wei Wuxian yet again, "I really want to do this. Of my own free will. I am an old man now, but you and Wangji still have your whole lives ahead of yourselves. I have thought about it long and hard and I am prepared for the consequences.

Wei Wuxian, I had not been too understanding or patient with you in the past and I am sorry for that. Let me help you this time. If your mother saw me, she would have for sure scold me within an inch on my life and chase me all around the Cloud Recesses with my beard shaved off as a punishment."

There was a short pause during which Wei Wuxian was way too surprised by the elder's words and did not even think about interrupting him again. It looked like Lan Qiren had truly come prepared and had thought everything through thoroughly. This was not an emotional decision. It simply could not be, he could not see someone like him joking about such a serious mater.

"Wei Wuxian," Lan Qiren looked at him with eyes which seemed to have been piercing his whole being and scrutinizing his very soul, "let me do this for you and for myself as well."

That was it. Wei Wuxian could only stare at the elder in utter bewilderment. He had truly come prepared and was apparently not lacking in determination and resolve. He was suddenly thinking back, looking at himself when he had come to Wen Qing all those years ago. Had she had felt the same? Had she been reluctant to carry out his wish because she knew what would await him in the future but was still wishing she could try the golden core transfer all the same?

Wei Wuxian felt very embarrassed and guilty with himself. He knew that Lan Qiren was most probably offering to be the donor just because he had seen how sad Lan Wangji had been these past months, or perhaps because of feeling guilty himself for not helping previously. However, Wei Wuxian could not say that he was not tempted to nod to his proposition. Even with the knowledge about what kind of life he would be condemning the elder to, there was still a part of him which longed for what he had given away twice, longed to be able to stay by Lan Wangji's side just a little longer.

How wonderful would it be if his body would not be betraying him all the time and keeping him in bed most of the days due to the illness? How good it would feel to once again experience the thrill of being able to manipulate spiritual energy to heal all the minor hurts and keep the symptoms in check? How happy would it make him to be able to stand as Lan Wangji's equal and not needing help with ever the most mundane of tasks?

Wei Wuxian was trying to supress his greed in the very beginning. He should not think like this. This was not only about him; he could not ruin another's life just because it would be more convenient for him. He was not worth it; how could Lan Qiren even entertain the idea of giving everything up for someone like him? Nothing short of being the Gusu Lan sect's natural enemy. He was the former Yiling Patriarch, surely the cultivation world would be celebrating if they knew what kind of condition he had ended up in.

He briefly wondered if Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan would have felt the same way if he talked with them before giving them his golden core. Would they have also refused on the grounds of not wanting Wei Wuxian to sacrifice himself for them?

"Master Lan..." he started again. He was cursing himself for not being able to keep his voice completely steady and give another clear refusal, his emotional state was dripping through it. At this point, he could only hope that the others would not spot it.

He never got to finish his sentence though, it was almost becoming a trend by now. There was suddenly a hand on his forearm and when he looked up, he realized that Lan Zhan was looking at him. His husband's eyes were shining with so much intensity that Wei Wuxian was wondering how it could be he was not already on fire.

"Lan Zhan..." he tried again. Lan Qiren was his uncle, surely, his husband could not be agreeing with this madness?

"Wei Ying, please..."

There was no begging and no words of persuasion, but it felt like Lan Zhan had just spent several hours trying to convince him to go through with this. There was also hope in that gaze, and reassurance. Wei Wuxian felt his resolve crumbling away. This was not fair, why was Lan Zhan doing this to him and to his uncle?

He turned to the last person who could support him.