Youth With You

चौदह

I sat in the lobby's lounge area, watching a small group of nurses walk out. Most of them were at their most beautiful age, and although it was closing time, their faces glowed with a brilliant light, talking and laughing as they clustered together.

After waiting for a while, a familiar yet unfamiliar figure walked over. Irene wore a common camel-colored trench coat, a pair of jeans, and soft-soled sneakers. When I saw her face this time, it didn't seem any different from ten years ago, and even the lines on her face when she smiled were the same. But looking closely, it was a mature woman's smile, now with an indescribable charm.

"I've kept you waiting."

"It's fine." I smiled and walked side by side with Irene.

"You're very pretty now," she said to me.

I turned my head. "You've changed too."

Irene smiled, then seemed a bit embarrassed and lowered her head. "I've aged. I always have to stay up all night for my night shifts. My wrinkles are already coming out."

I wanted to say, You're very beautiful and a lot different from what I imagined. I thought that at most, time would stop for you, but I've found that it has rewarded you for everything you've gone through.

But in our first reunion after nearly a decade, I couldn't say these words.

Similar to ten years ago when we would go out to eat after self-study, Irene and I quietly walked out.

We walked along the street for a while as the late autumn moon slowly ascended.

"How's your family?"

Irene nodded. "My dad had an operation a few years ago and is recovering just fine. It's a good thing the kid is older now, so it won't be so tiring."

So Irene had become a mother! That quiet girl who scored first on every test and stood first in line was actually a mother now.

I was speechless at the news.

"A kid... Boy or girl?"

"A girl, four years old."

I nodded and thought about the things I could discuss with the moms at my company. After thinking about it for a while, I felt like I was ridiculous.

She was still Irene.

We chose a restaurant for dinner and each talked about the past few years. Halfway through, she took a call and said her daughter had a fever at the moment. So halfway through our meal, Irene left.

■□■□

Over a month later, my high school classmates organized two get-togethers. It was a boy from my class who told me the news. I sent Irene a message asking if she would go. She said she might not have time and would see again when the time came.

The day of the gathering, everyone filled a large table. Because it was my first time coming, everyone gathered around me to ask about how things were, whether I had gotten a high salary in Canada, and whether I was still receiving the same Canadian salary. There were two boys in the class who seemed to be quite rich that kept droning on.

Halfway through the dinner, Irene finally pushed open the door and came in.

She was wearing a pure-black down jacket, her hair and clothes blending into one. Since her face was deathly pale, I looked closely, and there were two patches of blue beneath her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just got off work."

"I really give you my respect, Irene, you actually came," a boy said.

I pulled out the chair next to me and gestured for her to sit down.

Irene's arrival immediately drew in everyone's attention, and I found out that Irene had only attended one gathering over the past few years. People asked her how she felt being a doctor. Irene smiled and said, "Good." Then a few people joked about her and Suho, and she still just smiled.

"Where's Suho now?" I asked.

A person next to me said, "He's been in America. You didn't know?"

I shook my head, then heard a boy ask Irene, "Being a doctor is so tiring, how much money do you make?"

I remembered that back in school, this boy never had the courage to talk to Irene. Right now for some reason, his words felt ear-grating to me, and I cut in without waiting for Irene to answer, "How about we not mention money? How hurtful."

A few people laughed and the boy awkwardly said, "Men are under a lot of pressure, you know. Don't we have to make money to support our family?"

For nearly an hour after that, it was still flippant jokes mixed with bragging and comparing each other. Irene was clearly out of place in this kind of setting, and I began to regret asking her to come.

Toward the end of the gathering, I heard a female classmate sitting on the other side of Irene quietly ask her, "How's your kid?" Irene said "Fine."

That female classmate had also become a doctor and studied traditional Chinese medicine. I then heard her whisper, "I have a colleague at our hospital who's a good guy. He's thirty-five and also divorced and has no kids. Want me to introduce you?"

I reacted for two seconds, then my head buzzed until I couldn't hear anything in the room.

I turned my head and stared at Irene. She knew I had heard and had a bit of an unnatural expression on her face, but she didn't explain further.

The gathering dispersed, and Irene and I stalled until we were the last ones left before leaving.

When we walked out and the cold wind blew past, my tears streamed down.

I asked her, "Bae Irene, am I your... best... friend?"

Irene looked up at me, then lowered her head and quietly said, "Yes, you're my... best friend. You're the... person closest to me."

I asked her, "Always?"

She said, "Always."

I grabbed her shoulders with both hands, "Even if I don't come back and we never see each other again, will I still be?"

Irene looked up, her eyes filled with quivering tears. "Yes."

I reached out my hands and brought her into my arms. Her hair tickled my face, sticking onto my tears.

"Then why... have you kept so many things from me?" I could no longer speak coherently.

"I was afraid... that I would disturb... you."

Irene's shoulders twitched, and she began to sob in my arms.

We embraced each other and cried for a long time before I held her face in my hands and kissed it. The places where our lips touched were covered in salty tears.

I kissed her forehead, as if it's our last.

—14—