Khabar-e-Tahayyur-e-Ishq

Aise Kyun?

Anupamaa was standing on her balcony leaning against the railing with a cup of hot chocolate in her hand. The night is tranquil and the sky is clear of clouds. There is faint illumination because of the waning crescent moon and a light breeze is blowing her hair. She smiles melancholy and takes a sip of her favourite hot chocolate, a taste she acquired from her husband of ten months. She hasn't spoken to or seen her husband in over two months and will be facing him tomorrow for the first time since that evening. She knew she couldn't avoid the responsibility of Lakshmi pooja, so she gave in when GK kaka requested her. GK kaka wanted to hold this pooja at an ancient family home in Bhuj since it was the first Diwali after their marriage whose future she doesn't know. Her mind wanders to the day when she finally accepted her love for Anuj to herself.

"Aap wapis kab aa rahe hai Mumbai se? Woh ashram main dance studio banane k plan main kuch badlav karne the toh ussi baare main baat karni thi aapse" inquired Anu

"Kal subah hi wapis aa raha hu. Tumhe 5 baje class khatam hone k baad wahi ashraam pe milunga. Chalega?" replied Anuj

"Haa theek che" she replied excitedly.

"Acha Anupamaa mujhe phone rakhna hoga. Meeting ka time hogaya hai. Bye"

Before she could reply, Anuj disconnected the phone. But she was feeling giddy with the prospect of Anuj returning. This new feeling was a very strange thing to her. But she had been feeling this for quite some time. Especially since she wreaked his Mercedes with her Activa trying to save a puppy. She had been dreading his anger and his irritation but his first instinct was to run to her and help her get up. He made her sit on the side bench and then looked for a puppy who was hiding behind the tree scared. He made sure it was okay and then removed the first aid kit from the same car and cleaned her wounds. He next took her to the hospital to check for head injury and concussion. She had never felt this valued or had such care in her life. The next day when she apologised, he told her it was not important. What was more important was her and the puppy's well-being. She was smiling ear to ear remembering this incident when suddenly Devika appeared out of nowhere and started singing loudly, "Ho gaya hai tujhko toh pyaar sajnaa... lakh karle tu inqaar sajnaa... Dildar Sajna Hai Ye Pyaar Sajna"

Anu ran behind Devika to shut her mouth but the moment she tried to catch Devika, she vanished with spoof! She wondered whether she was in love with Anuj.

She knows love. Bapuji loves her. Her mother and brother love her. Her children love her. In their individual and very peculiar ways. Even baa loves her in her eccentric ways. But the sort of love they have for her - and she, for them – is very different. She is ascertained about it.

What she doesn't understand, is another sort of love. One that she read in her youth during her undergraduate years - the only class of second-year literature where she didn't perform well enough - and currently she doesn't have clarity on what precisely she is feeling.

Maybe it isn't what but rather why...and for whom she feels this love.

Anuj is a friend. Isn't it natural and quite normal for one to have affection for a friend? She knows some friendships grow to a point where friends are more important than a blood relative. Like Devika to her, she is practically a family to her. And thus, it means that close friendship need not necessarily have a romantic connotation. But it still confounds her what it is precisely she feels for him.

She knows she finds him handsome. But She also finds Shahrukh Khan handsome. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but he was attractive according to mainstream beauty standards. He had a fit body as he gymed every day, sharp cheekbones and mesmerising dark eyes; he is the very pinnacle of a male lead Anu had found in those romantic movies - which of course only sweety watches - and this only increased her confusion.

She knows her heart races when she sees him, just as though she's run-in circles behind Devika when she teases her about Anuj. It beats just so suddenly when Anuj appears in front of her. There should be no reason for this, as she hasn't done any physical activity. Except, just maybe, to tell her something that her mind and heart refuse to acknowledge.

His touch makes her shiver. A contradiction. One shivers when one is cold or when disturbed. His touch is always warm; always welcome. When his hand stroked hers accidentally when they are walking together. That one time when his fingers brushed away a stray curl. Every single instance makes her shiver, even the very thought of them. An exception, she notes, is that hug which he provided after a nasty day in the divorce case. It makes her...melt. It extinguishes frustrations and anger. It soothes and comforts. But it also - secretly - delights her to feel him so close.

It is with this evaluation, Anu supposes - no, knows - she's in love with her beloved friend Anuj Kapadia.

Though she curses the lack of clarity in her mind from being so in love. She knows Vanraj Shah tried to prove that they were having clandestine affair during the divorce case. There was also one article in the newspaper regarding them with their picture. Anuj had also confessed his feelings to her. The thought of spending her remaining lifetime with him fills her with excitement, but it is the afterthought, of another heartbreak that extinguishes all the positive feelings. They had lived a very different in the last 25 years. She had lived a traditional life of a housewife and had been a doting mother to her three kids whereas he has lived his life in bachelorhood. Their union might also have an expectation. He would want to have kids in future after marriage which she will not be able to give. She had already had that part of life and would not like to start over.

Thus, she knows, she might not be the person he needs.

The gush of wind breaks her trance. It was late at night and she had to wake up early tomorrow for the trip. She leaves the balcony, closes the door and moves to the bed, which was neither comfortable nor warm without her husband. She marvelled if she was right that day.