Hurt Hearts

Chapter-4 (His POV)

I have left. She needs it. She loves me but she doesn't want me. How can she after I left her?
Without telling, without a word, without a message. I deserve it. Every ounce of it. I fall to the ground against her door as I think that She gave me another chance with her heart and I broke it. She trusted me with her heart and I broke it. AGAIN. I broke her trust again. I broke her again. And am sure my baby is gonna cry herself to sleep again today. My baby. I dont think I have the right to call her that anymore.  I returned and I fucked her life up again. Why did I return. I shouldn't have. Why do I always turn her life upside down??!! She never deserved it. She never deserved a demon like me. She never did.
But I had to leave. For her. To make it better. For her to forget me. To move on in her life and find a guy like that guy this evening and settle with him. Maybe him.
That thought pains me. It puts my whole body on fire to think that my aroo is with someone else but I want her to live a happy life. And I can't give her one. She can't do this to herself. And I won't let her. I wont come in between her happiness.
Suddenly,I hear glass breaking. Things falling. I suddenly stand up as I realise it's from inside. I rush for the handle and discover the door open. Am not sure that am mad that she didn't lock the door or happy. Without giving another thought to my dilemma, I just rush into her house and find her in the middle of room surrounded by fallen pillows and things. She looks distorted. Her face looks flushed and her hair dishevelled, probably  from the number of times she has weaved her hands in those gorgeous strands and her pretty-pretty eyes are now swollen red from tears. She holds a glass in her hand and I feel fear rising in me as  I scream "AROO!"
She looks at me and she suddenly pauses. I look back at her and she gazes in my eyes.  She drops the glass and it shatters with a loud thud. She doesn't flinch. She stays absolutely still. Her arm is  raised as she was holding the glass, her eyes fixated on me and she shivers as if her breath returned to her and she realises that yes, I am there. She heaves a long sigh and so do I. The tension seems too much, the silence seems as The calm before a storm and she, she looks like a ghost. Her whole body shivers. Shoulders, torso, legs, face, lips, everything. Her lips. Her hand tremblingly reaches her stomach and she just fists up her t shirt and her lips pout as she breaks into cries. Her eyes squint and hot tears pour and my heart breaks at that sight. She howls in pain.  She scrambles and shivers and screams amd cries and  her legs give away as she falls to the ground. I run to her "aroo!" With my arms open.
I rush to her and Bend on my knees infront of her and grab her face with my hands . I pull her face up to look into those big brown orbs but I see them squinted shut. The depths of oceans those eyes carried seemed to flow out and I.......I.....I couldn't do anything.
"Arushi baby what happened?? Please stop crying baby. Shhhhhhh my love. Please" I cry out to her and she cries even more. I didnt know it was possible to feel this broken but I felt my heart broke for another time looking at her cry.
"Y-y-you left me again-n-n. You came and the-n-n-n left." She speaks in broken voices and before she can say anymore I hug her. I once again dive into her fragrance and nuzzle against her neck. She smells different now. She smells bold, strong, alluring unlike how she used to the last time I hugged her. She used to smell like a field of strawberries and roses, drawing everyone to her, bringing smiles, calming everyone. And her smile, it was always a charmer. I remember how many guys used to stare at her when she would go out and she would never bother, but I used to be so mad as how could they eye her? She was mine and they had no right to look. But well i couldn't blame them. She was so pretty.
She still is but now when she smiles, it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She doesn't laugh anymore with her eyes closed and her head tossing back and stomach aching. She........ smiles. That's it. And I know it is because of me. It is because I left and I took away all her happiness. She needed me and I  left. She was right. That's what am good at. Running away and leaving people. And she had to bear all my immaturity. I always used to say am not good enough amd well now I proved it. And this thought brings in torrents of dark pain and guilt inside me.
She still hasn't stopped crying and I just don't want her on the floor. She is an angel. And angels don't deserve to be in feet of people so I just withdraw from the hug and  rush to grab her hands and lift her up but before I can say anything, she grabs my leg and clings to me. "Raghu stay. Please"
"Aroo-"
Her arms grab hold of my leg tighter and she leans on me for support. I just put my hands through her hair and cry out as I feel her cry and shiver against me. I made her cry. I made her this. She is crying because of me. She drank because of me. Its me because of whom she is shivering here and crying. And I hate myself for it. I hate it. I hate that the person I loved is the person I broke. I couldn't bear to see her cry a single drop and I don't know how many nights she has been crying of me. My aroo. My baby. Meri jaan.
I can't bear it. She is shivering way too much and I just wipe my eyes against my shoulder. I quickly drop down to her level and pick her up bridal style. I couldn't make her my bride and here I am picking her that way. She doesn't protest though. She cries. She just cries. And it breaks my heart. She breaks my heart.
"Aroo, pls mat ro. Please" i say but she doesn't respond. She just snuggles into my chest and cries.
I turn my head away not abe to look at her.
In between of half open eyes I open the door of her room with my leg and take her to bed. I take my shoes off and put her on the bed too. Her eyes are still shut and tears still steam down her eyes.  She hides her face in my chest and my heart contracts even more and I feel so small for doing what I did and just reach to take off her shoes. I take off her scarf and I hop on the bed and sit beside her. I pull the bed covers on us and hug her. She snuggles into me she still hasn't stopped shivering. Shit.
I pull her onto my lap and hug her and she hugs me back. I press my lips to her shoulder and breath on it. I know it calms her down. It always has. I pat her head and occasionally kiss her shoulder. I too lean into her and just let her relax in my arms.
My baby.
She is back in my arms.
I kiss her forehead and she gets up.
She brings both of her hands to her eyes and wipes her tears away hastily. "Am okay now. Thanks for staying. Am sorry for all the trouble I caused you" she says lightly her head held low.
"Aroo look at me" I say as I delicately pull her chin up with my fingers. She looks into my eyes with deep thought and intensity. Her tight lipped smile has now gone and she gulps.
"Am not gonna go aroo. I always leave. Always leave when you need me. Not this time aroo. Not this time" I say and I nod my head with urgency.
She squeeze her eyes shut and her previous tight lipped smile has now contorted into a pout as she shivers." It's okay you can leave." she whispers.
"No I won't." I say clutching her hand tighter.
An understanding crosses her eyes, I am not sure because of her need for me or for just because she knows am stubborn or she knows she can't spend this night alone, but any jow she agrees. She wipes a stray tear from her face and gives me a nod but gets off my lap. My body shudders from the sudden change I loss of contact but I try to maintain a hard face.
"Ummmmm Thanks am gonna go change " she states absent mindedly as she fiddles with her hands. I nod and she leaves. I sit back quietly and look at her gliding across her room. She looks into her cupboard  for a moment before pulling out her clothes. I remember she always used to be like "I have nothing to wear" even with a cupboard full of clothes and used to stand this way only infront of the closet with her hand on her hip and brows furrowed and before I know am smiling.
She turns with the clothes in her hands and looks at me smiling. I immediately turn my face serious and awkwardly she comes to me and says "Take it, yours is stained"
I look and find that it's another one of my shirt. The shirt I had given to her 4 years ago when she had accidently dropped a glass of water on her t-shirt. She looked so pretty in it and she was so happy to be wearing my shirt. Ofc I didnt ask it back .After all those years. I look into her eyes . I wonder how many more of my clothes does she have and how many has she kept? And even after all this time? She just looks away, not meeting me eye and without waiting for a response heads to the washroom and I know what she meant. Always.