Infinite Voyage

Can't let anyone close

Time had fallen for the crew to head to their quarters for the night as the ship was traveling at low speed to our destination now that we jump into the year 2021. Heading to earth for a certain material. As usual, I roamed the hallways after everyone was down, to make sure everyone was accounted for and weren't restless. I had just about done my full sweep when I'd come up on the captain's quarters. The last room I always put on my list because I knew he'd be the last to sign off. My steps however slowed upon seeing his door wide open. Which was unusual. Quietly peaking in, I could see the captain sitting on the edge of his bed. His elbows on his knees so he could rest his head in his hands. The top half of his suit was dissolved, revealing his black under suit. Looking like he was taking his suit off, but stopped half way for some reason. Confused by his posture and still in his suit, I quietly stepped forward into his quarters. Not wanting to startle him, I spoke up. "Captain?" I tilt my whole body a little to the left to get to his level. His head shot up in a flash causing me to straighten back up. "Oh. It's just you Gwen.." he sighed in a way of relief. Like he was glad it was me and not somebody else. He looked terrible. Around his eyes were red, like he had been fighting back tears, or already finished doing so. Seeing this, I frown down at him. "Captain are you alright? You look disturbed." He straightened himself at my question and did his best to clear his throat. "Yeah I uh..." he dropped his head to his hands in his lap. "Just dealing with some stuff." But the way his leg started to bounce said something else. Looking behind me, a pulled up a seat and sat down in front hot him. Hearing him take a breath and utter, "God..." Knowing I wouldn't let up so easily. "Captain, you're clearly in distress. It which I am supposed to aid in on this ship. So please, what's bothering you?" I finish with a tilt of my head. His eyes never lifted to mine. Only looking down at his hands. He swallowed. "She uh... she left." To which I frowned. "She?" I inquired. He gave a little nod back. "Christina? The um girl I brought onto the ship recently?" He slowly lifted his eyes to mine. "The girl who was interested in seeing where you worked? Wanting to meet the crew?" And he gave another nod to my question. "Yuuup, that's the one. She decided to leave. Permanently." He gave a loose clap. Like it was the punchline. But a bad one at that. "Why would she leave? I thought you two were really close. You seemed happy together." My frown increased. He gave a sad laugh in return. "Yeah we were... too close actually." He averted his gaze like he admitted to something he didn't want to. "I don't understand what you mean by that captain." My head tilted to the left again. "Rex is fine Gwen." He looked at me with a weak smile. "But she wanted to, be closer with me. Move forward in our relationship. And I uh... turned her down. So she left." He gave a loose shrug. His eyes falling to the floor. I narrowed my eyes slightly at him. Trying to understand why he'd do such a thing. I could tell he liked her as much as she did him. So why turn her down? I took a breath as I tried to collect my thoughts. "Ca- Rex, I don't see why you would make a decision like that. You two seemed happy with each other. Compatible even. But whenever you do seem to find someone, you always push them away. Why is that?" I urge for an answer from him. Making him shift his weight on the bed uncomfortably. "Because-... it's complicated." He said with a shaky sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. "Then simplify it." I return gently. "She just... there's a side of me she can't know. And if she really wanted us to be together, she'd have to see it. And I can't have that." He finished with the shake of the head. I only could blink down at him. I didn't understand what he meant by that. For I thought I knew him quite well. But I suppose not. I merely took a breath as I gathered my thoughts. "I see. Then I won't push to know any farther. Do you need anything however? Something to help you sleep, or simply someone by your side as you try to?" I tilted my head to my question. He let out a breath with a shaky smile. Rubbing his face like he couldn't believe what I said. Yet I waited for an answer. "No, I don't think I can do that-"
Confused yet again I frown at him. "Why not?" And his eyes rose to mine. "Because if you stay here tonight my feelings I had for you will just come right back up again." He said let he was guilty of just admitting that. I only could blink at him yet again. Leaning a little forward to make sure I heard him right. "Feelings for me?" I repeated, and he nodded. "Yeah," he started with a nervous laugh. "Since the day we uh, kissed." His waved a hand between him and me. Not recalling to what he was referring to, I asked, "Kissed?" Making him rub the back of his neck. "Well I guess you wouldn't have seen it come off that way, but when we first met. When I came to your planet looking for recruits for my crew? And I uh- lost my footing?" And I nodded along with him. "You fell into one of the deeper ends of the water lands. I, searching for a certain plant there and saw you entangled in soft roots." And he nodded back with me. "Yup. Running out of air like an idiot, and there you come in your glowing, beautiful-" he stopped for second as he realized what he was saying and rephrased. "Uh water form and you gave me some of your air supply before returning me to the surface." He finished with a breath like he couldn't believe he just told me all this. Needing to drop his gaze. "And you had feelings for me ever since?" I asked. Making him nod his head once more. "Yeah. But they um, you know, faded as I knew I couldn't have you go through my mess like Christina.." he admitted quietly. "I see." I said back softly. I wasn't sure how to process what he said, as I felt nothing different between us. Nothing higher or lower. "Well if that's the case, I'll get you something from the medical bay to help you sleep." I got up from my seat. Rex's gaze not following me up and remained at the floor. That was until I was at the door about to leave. "Gwen...?" And I turn to see him now looking at me. "Thanks, for just listening." And I just smiled back at him. "Of course captain. Yet I don't completely understand your situation, know nothing has changed between us. I am here to help you through whatever your going through if you need it." And with that, I left to find him something to help him sleep through this.