Infinite Voyage

Zen's confession

The elevator doors silently slid open, I took a subtle breath, and stepped onto the medical bay. I hadn't seen him since we returned from the mission, and Captain Rex asked of me to see how Zen was doing. He was severely damaged in the invasion. By what I've read in his file, Zen was a past military soldier, so nothing he hasn't seen before. But not now of course, being he is the navigator of our ship. Captain Rex particularly wanted me to see to him, being he appeared to be, off. With his emotional state. And I am skilled in that area, I suppose. He wouldn't be on the normal medical bay section, but the android repair station. I finally made my way to his room that I was instructed to. Two 'doctors' were standing outside his door, whispering quietly to each other clearly about Zen. When their gaze fell upon me, they straightened themselves and gave me a nod, and somewhat of a bow. As show of respect. "Is he awake?" I asked, tilted my head a little. "He is." The one doctor nodded with a grimmer tone "but just, be careful. He's been on edge since he has." I gave them a nod of understanding and thanks. Then the door opened automatically and I walked in. There he was, sitting on the edge of his bed. His gaze to the floor as an engineer was repairing his right arm. When the engineer saw me, he immediately stopped what he was doing and backed away. "Why are you here?" Zen's deep, still human, but robot voice spoke. His eyes never lifting "Captain Rex asked of me to check up you." I simply replied in a gentle tone toward him, taking a step forward. "The coward couldn't come himself?" He sounded unimpressed. "Zen, you shouldn't speak of your Cap-" but he put up a hand to stop me "I don't want to hear it Gwen. It's true, and don't you try to cover it up. He's a freaking coward and you know it." His gaze lifted to my eyes. His mechanical eyes glowed in red of anger "he sent you here, because he's to afraid to face me. Because of my 'emotional state'. Am I wrong?" He snapped. "I'm not stupid, I hear you all talking behind my back.." his gaze fell back down to the floor. I stared at him with a surprised, but blank expression. I looked to the engineer who was repairing him, and he gave a nod. Quickly packing up his tools and left. I then took a breath, and slowly approached Zen. He never moved, or made a sound. I silently sat down on the bed beside him, and turned a gentle gaze toward him. "You're not wrong, and I won't hold it back from you. We have, and it's only because we're worried about you.." I said softly. He always seemed to respond to kindness from me, so why change the approach. "Worry about me.." he scoffed to himself "I don't need you guys watching over me like a disabled person. If anything, I'm better, more advanced then I was before." He spoke these words with toughness, but I could tell there was pain in it. "Zen, do not take me for a fool. You know me better then that." I said a little stern. "Because you can just get into my head? See what you want with your freaky alien powers?" He said giving me a hateful glare. "No, because I can tell when your hurting.." he stopped and blinked from surprise by my words, but his gaze fell in defeat. "Am I wrong?" I tilted my head. No response. His eyes never meeting mine. "Zen, please. You know you can trust me. What's wrong?" He was silent for a good deal, then a mechanical breath came from him. "Do you know what it's like?" His tone was low, and full of sadness. He slowly placed his hands out in front of him on his legs, looking at them "what it's like not to feel? The softness of fabric of clothing you're wearing? The warmth of the morning sun on your skin?" Then he relaxed his hands and just stared forward with empty eyes. "To not smell your favourite food, or after it just rained? To constantly see readings and statistics of everything you look at. To not... hear you're own original voice when you speak?..." he slowly looked to me as he finished speaking. His voice, expression, showed so much... struggle. Struggling to go on with the body he has to bare now. "Zen.." I slow started. "I don't know what it's like. To have to always bare all those burdens daily." A took in a breath "but I thank you.." he frowned by surprised and looked at me "for what?" He asked "for, opening up to me about this. You've been so closed since it happened, we didn't know how your were dealing with it. The doctors said you could have struggles. But you showed none. I see now that you were just, holding back." He looked down as I gently talked. "But you can't hold back forever Zen. It becomes, to much to bare alone. So please," I placed a hand on his leg, and he looked at it. "Let me bare it with you. Don't carry this alone anymore.." Zen just sighed, but of course, it came out mechanically. He ran his hands over his white metal head and rested them on his neck. He looked so drained, done. Like he couldn't believe he broke down in front of me. He never was one to open up. I just silently watched him, saying nothing and gave him time to respond. And the only response I got out of him was just a small, weak nod.