Unspecified Rage

To Grandmother's House We Go

The walk outside in the fresh air did help to distract Julia from some of the pain. And debating about kissing a stranger kept her mind occupied. She probably should have called her parents for a ride, but she wanted the time to herself. Lately it felt like she was never left alone. Admittedly after the attack, she wasn't surprised that people were worried about her, but it was nice to just get out and relax without the pressure of being social.

Tomorrow was the first day of the play for the grade schools and it'd would keep her out of class for the day, giving her an even bigger break from her friends. It wasn't that she didn't love having them, after only a month of knowing most of them, she couldn't imagine her school year without them. But there was just this undercurrent of something between them all that she was missing out on. Her pain really did keep her from connecting to her friends and continuously made her feel like an outsider, despite their best efforts to include her.

This is a depressing line of thought. She tried to jostle herself into thinking of something fun, like what costume she should wear for Halloween. Everyone else already had theirs, and this close to the day itself, there was probably nothing good left anyways. Though in all reality, most girls were jsut going as slutty as possible, the 'sexy' football player, cat, cop, devil etc.... It just wasn't her style. Then what IS your style hmm? she questioned herself, trying to figure out what it was she wanted to go as.

She hadn't gotten any closer to figuring it out by the time she made it home. Opening the door, she was about to announce her presence when she heard her family arguing. Mom, dad, John, Ben, they were all here. It didn't make any sense though.

"We should tell her dammit! She has a right to freaking know!" John raged.

"Don't yell at your mother John!" Dad warned. "We already agreed, it was best for her to never know. Telling her now would just make everything worse. Do you want to send her off the deep end?" he demanded.

They're talking about me. Julia realized, standing absolutely still in shock.

"Dad, I agree that it would hurt her, but I think Ju's tougher than you think. Telling her might help her understand what's going on." Ben urged.

"We CAN'T!" Mom wailed, obviously crying. "I wish had from the start but we can't now. What do you think the others would do to us, knowing we'd betrayed them?" she cried.

What the HELL? Julia worried, getting scared. The throbbing started under her skin again, pulsing into her brain but she was rooted to the spot.

"And when they do tell her that she's one of them, she's gonig to know we betrayed her!" John fumed.

"We did betray her." Ben said quietly. "I love her like she really was my little sister. I miss Maggie everyday and wish nothing but pain and agony on the bastard that took her away from us. But Julia needs to know the truth, even if it means she ends up hating us." he explained. Julia was crying silent tears at this point, almost unaware of them streaking down her face. They- they're not my brothers? What is this shit? she demanded silently. Her chest hurt, it felt like she was being stabbed and her ribs torn open. She wanted to sob and cry out but had trouble breathing.

"Ben, John, do you really think she could stand knowing the truth? That her mother was sleeping with a monster? That she is our grandchild, your niece and that she suffers from the same monstrosity as her biological father?Or the fact that if he ever learned about her, he'd take her away from us?" the man Julia had thought to be her father asked. It was too much. Shaking and feeling wretched, Julia stepped out of the house as they all started screamnig at each other again. She closed the door softly and wandered away, mind reeling from the shock of knowledge.

Not my family. Not my family. Grandparents, Uncles. Not my family. The littany swirled around her head. My mom was with a monster? Who? Who was she? And how am I like him? What's wrong with me? she fretted, oblivious to time passing, the growing darkness or even the cold around her. It was long past time when her family/not family would be expecting her home but she just couldn't bring herself to walk back there. I'm a monster? she wondered, trying to understand but still missing some key pieces of information.

Numbly she wandered into the big forest on the far side of town, wanting to go somewhere that no one would look for a while. She needed to be alone, even though they were worried about her. Her phone turned off to avoid their frantic phone calls, Julia sat on a stump near the river's edge. She hadn't know there was a river in the forest, but the sound was soothing to her and helped her turn off her brain to escape the thinking. She wanted so desperatly to be left alone right now. 

By now it was dark out, well past 10 pm and bone numbingly cold. She hadn't noticed when her fingers and toes lost sensation, nor when she stopped shivering. It never occured to her that even without snow, it can be cold enough to start hypothermia. She was too lost inside her own mind to think about the dangers and slowly drifted asleep.

####

She was running but it felt weird. Her line of sight was lower to the ground than normal and her eyesight was weird. She could see in the darkness, an almost glowing outline to everything around her. The creatures active in the nighttime went silent as she barreled past them, intent only on her quarry. Nothing escaped her when she hunted like this. It felt amazing to finally shed her human skin and go wolf. Too much need to keep control in the other flesh, this form was eternally living in the moment. No history of yesterday, no mystery of tomorrow. Just the hunt, the chase and eventually the kill.

The youth ran ahead of her, sobbing in terror and exhaustion. Their fear was a delicate, appetite evoking perfume. Even if she lost sight of him, she could smell his scent, follow it to his trail and chase him again. Every now and again she's lag behind, let him think that maybe this time he'd lost her. But then she'd run out of the darkness, snapping at him and once more he would run. Each time slower than before, each time with less hope of getting away, and each time with more of his blood trailing behind him.

It was growing late, or rather, early. The sky had the colours of dawn and the air tasted of morning. Soon the humans would be around to hear and interfere. This hunt had been fun but needed to end. Especially before the human regained control. She bunched her muscles and in a burst of speed caught up to the exhausted child and threw him to the ground. Screaming in terror he thrashed but she snapped at hte back of his neck and with a shake, broke it, silencing him. With bloody muzzle, she howled at the sky, blood singing with the thrill of hte hunt.

####

Julia woke to hear a howl fade on the wind. It was almost morning and she was painfully cold. And not where she'd fallen asleep. No longer beside the river, she was curled under a nest of leaves, snuggled against the base of a huge tree and protected by ancient roots. How did I get here? she wondered, disoriented, lost and confused. Probably sleep walked. She decided with a shrug.

It was just dawn and she realized how terrified her parents would be. No, not my parents. My grandparents. She remembered. The urge to cry more pressed behind her eyes but she shoved it away, scrubbing her face angrily. Which is when she noticed she was covered in black mud. It stained her hands and coated her clothes. Ick. Great, way to look normal. She fumed at herself and got to her feet. Her body felt achy and sore but the pain was at a low compared to normal.

Great, which way is home? She worried for a second, then spotted lighter sky in one direction and headed east towards it. The forest was on the western edge of town so it made sense to go east, towards the city. It was eerie for her because hte noises she expected were absent, and hte silence was making her jumpy. She was looking all around her, trying to see what had caused everything to stay hidden when she tripped over the dead body. Her scream sent the birds flying into the sky.