Depression

New start, new me

I got to the school at 8:45. The bell went at 8:50.

I looked around me. I had to wait in the front office because it was my first day. The lady behind the desk was making endless phone calls. When at last the bell went i was walked to my form room. I was greeted by a few friendly faces, but mainly 'couldnt-care-less' faces. Instead of the big 'Hi hannah!!' you would get in pre-school, it was a few grunts and dazzed looks.

The teacher sent me to the only empty table at the backs of the class.

I needn't bothered getting out my planner because as soon as I sat down the bell went for period one. Art. I was good at art. We were doing serialism. I loved it!! About half way through I felt very uneasy, like someone was watching me, I turned around, everyone was working- heads down.

About half way through through the lesson I was called to student services because I had phone call! I had no idea what it could be about., but when I got there I found out.

A distorted voice, "say exactly what I tell you to, say everything's fine on my first day, mum"

I had to do what he said, "everything's fine on my first day, mum" he was about to say something else, but I slammed the phone down. "Sweetie, are you ok? Wy did you just hang up. On your mum?"

"That wasn't my mum, block that number!"

"Sweetie, wh-"

"Just block it!" I nearly yelled, she locked it and I went back to class. But I didn't go back, I ran out of school into town. I sat behind a shop and sulked. I got a text. 'Don't ever do that again.' It was him, how did he get my new school?! I opened up Facebook. I though I was safe as I deleted all my "friends" from my old school, but I wasn't, word got round as to what I did, someone here was related to one of the people who beat me up, a shudder went down my spine at the thought, I scrolled through Facebook, endless pictures of bleach and tablets came up, with captions saying 'maybe she should try a different kind of bleach!' Or things like 'shame she didn't die, it would be easier for everyone if she did!'

As I scrolled down and down and down, there was a picture. A wrist, it was from a boy in year 10, a year below, he was good looking but a total emo, the wrist had blood over it, he was holding a knife.

I got out my pencil sharpener, I heard do it across not down otherwise you loose too much blood. I snapped the plastic shell, I had the metal in my hands, I pressed onto my wrist. I searing pain when through my arm, up to me neck and down my spine. The first drops of blood came out, I pressed harder, and harder, and harder, and harder.

I'd cut a whole line around my wrist.

I though this was a new start, but then I got another text form him, it said, as if he was reading my thoughts, 'the pain, fun for us, has only just begun.'

Again I went into a mindless haze, eventually I stopped going to school all together. I would leave the house in my uniform, go into town and sulk behind a shop. I cut my wrists every day, I found out about Demi Lavato. She cut her wrists too. She made herself sick to lose weight. I didn't need to do that but she inspired me, as soon as I was eighteen I would get the same tattoo as her, a 'stay strong' on her left wrist.

I will.