Doukaza: Head-canons

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[ Hello everyone! I hope y'all are doing good, this Chapter was supposed to be done a lot sooner- It contains Chapters I started writing, but ended up not including in this story till now and some Headcanons I thought of.  I originally wanted to gift this to a dear friend of mine ,who also reads my Story, however did I not make it on time..so it's sadly going to be a late birthday special. Still, I want to thank my Friends for the support and wish them a happy (late) birthday! ^^ ]


Douma's "Emotions"

I do not feel. I have never experienced any emotion.

Over time I've learned to tell people's emotions by their reactions, voice, eyes.. facial expressions and body language in general. Most people are easy to read. This ability has helped me to hide my true self extremely. I've tried making my fake character seem charismatic, cheerful, nice, open minded and dumb. People tend to trust these kind of people, 'cause they're unlikely to betray them. I also keep a smile plastered on my face on all occasions, since smiling represents kindness. So I have learned at least..I've been told people would like me if I smiled and stayed positive. It doesn't work. (I wonder why..?)

Even though I never act on it, I'm fully aware of being disliked. How they look at me...(How I hate these looks.) There's no need to feel pity though, since I can't feel anything. It doesn't hurt me..but still..something "feels" wrong? Like my body is acting weird or I cry. I don't understand. No matter how hard I've tried to feel or understand, nothing changed...The only thing left for me is to keep pretending. Keeping my mask high up, hoping one day..somebody might actually like me. Well, till now nobody had unmasked me, so I guess there's still a glimpse of hope for me? I honestly doubt anything will change though...why would it, after over 100 years, suddenly a change..?

...no matter the odds, I have to keep smiling. I can't give up now.

// Time skip //

Recently Mater Muzan had added a new Upppermoon, his name is Akaza. I tried to befriend him, but after a minute he just walked a way from me without a word.

The next day I approached the pink haired demon again, but he got angry and pushed me aside. I don't know why...but I want to keep trying. It feels right when I'm near him.

. . . . [ I don't actually know what it was like when they first met each other- I hope this is okay ]

Today I tried asking Akaza to go on a hunt with me, which he surprisingly agreed to. Yay, I won't be alone today!

Akaza punched me, which caused my arm to fly off, because I killed a women for him. He told me that I'm awful and disrespectful to even dare touch a women. I didn't know Akaza respects women so much that he won't even eat them. Interesting...

Almost a month had passed now and I can't get my eyes of Akaza. Next to him something in me changes...I haven't figured out what it is or why, but I think I should stay near him. Maybe he can help me figure out my emotions ^^

I started hugging Akaza-dono from behind and declared him my Best Friend, since he's special to me. While I found something like enjoyment in doing so, Akaza doesn't seem to like it very much. Although he either waits for me to let go or shoves me off, he hasn't used force on me yet. Which hopefully means that he perhaps does like me! ;>

I couldn't help but notice that Akaza-dono suddenly gets annoyed whenever i come near him. I wonder if there's something wrong with my acting skills or possibly my looks...?

Akaza started punching my head off whenever I try to hug him from behind. I'm glad that he ain't afraid to protect himself but he precisely has zero respect for me. What doesn't really bother me, as well as him mistreating me occasionally, I'm just worried that other Upper Ranks won't tolerate that behavior and dislike him. It would be a shame if he ended up like that..!~

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