Spy x Dodoco!

Mission: Operation DICKZ

Everyone has a secret self they don't show other people. Not to friends. Not to lovers. Not even to family. They hide who they are and what they want behind lies and painted smiles. And thus the world maintains its thin veneer of peace.

"We should put him on it. The best agent we have..."

Code name: Calx. Master of Disguises. Rumor has it that he is the most ruthless spy in the Abyss Order. But, in reality, the man just liked to paint in his free time. Walking the streets in an outfit that didn't bring too much attention to himself, he kept aware of his surroundings. Hopes of marriage? Joys of ordinary life? Those joined his I.D. papers in the trash the day he became a spy.

He let out a sigh and shoved his hands into his pockets. He'd just finished his last mission. What was next? Assassination? Disarming a bomb? A fellow agent tapped on the wall. C cipher. He boarded the train and sat down in the corner, picking up the paper on the table.

Good day. Or rather, good evening "Calx." Excellent work on your last assignment. Thanks to you the minister has survived another day to the great benefit of our organization. I'm afraid we have another assignment for you already. Your target is the leader of the National Pharmaceutical Company. He is a grave threat to the truce between Mondstadt and Liyue. Your mission is to get close to him and prove any malicious activities. In order to do so... you will marry and have a child.

Albedo coughed. He covered his mouth and looked out the window, coughing up a storm. Excuse me? A wife and a kid? How was he supposed to get the standard ideal to a happy family overnight? Doesn't the organization know it takes at least 9 months to pop a child out?

"Perhaps it's time to practice alchemy," he muttered, going back to the note. "Then at least I can have a homunculus and a philosopher's stone."

The leader is a recluse and is extremely suspicious of others. At this point, he operates almost entirely behind the scenes. His only public appearances are at the events held at the elite private school his son attends. These events serve as informal get-togethers for the upper crust of industrial and political leaders. You are to enroll your child at this school and gain entry into these events. However, the deadline for admission is approaching fast. Only one week remains. We're calling this mission Operation DICKZ. Good luck, Agent Calx.

"Ahahaha," he forced a laugh. Not only was the title of this operation bogus so was the mission itself. Two weeks? How?

"The foster system itself is a joke. I'm sure it would be fairly simple to pick up a child there without too much paperwork."

...

As expected, the orphanage wasn't kept in great condition. The building was in shambles and the kids barely looked fed. Agent Calx closed his heart to the matter and continued following the ugly man down the hall.

"So you wanna foster kid?" he burped, obviously drunk.

"If possible, I would like a child that can already read and write," he explained.

"Hah?" He wobbled from side to side and yelled for a child to come over. She was small with a hair color similar to Agent Calx. That would make it more believable that she was his child. "This is Klee. She doesn't say much but she is a good kid." This is my chance to get her outta here. Annoying destructive pest.

Klee frowned and then looked up in awe at Agent Calx. Of course, I'd prefer to do this mission solo but even for an Abyss Order spy, impersonating a child would be a tall order. This kid looks about the right age to enter the academy but is she actually capable of reading and wri-

Klee blinked, running over to the table and pulling out a notebook. She stared up at Agent Calx with determination and picked up a pen. Writing her own name. Her handwriting was atrocious but at least she could write.

"How old are you?" She needs to be at least si-

"Six!" spoke before he could finish his thought.

"Is that so?" Agent Calx analyzed her appearance carefully. Well, it didn't matter so long as other people believed it. She needs to be intelligent to pass the entrance exam though. Perhaps I shouldn't be too hasty.

Klee furrowed her eyebrows and ran over to her secret weapon: the charged potato. She pulled it out and showed it proudly to Agent Calx. Interesting. So she knows enough to be able to conduct electricity through potatoes. She shows promise. Klee put the potato project down and placed her hands on her hips, standing proud.

"Well, Klee, would you like to come home with me?" Agent Calx offered his hand and smiled politely.

Mission. Spy. Klee's eyes lit up and she nodded as fast as she could repeatedly. Reading people's minds came in handy at times like this! Subject 007: Klee. Telepath. Now the adopted daughter of Agent Calx. The two walked hand in hand out of the orphanage.

"Listen up, kid."

"Klee."

"Listen here, Klee," the agent corrected. "You'll be my child from now on. As far as everyone else is concerned you have always been my child. Is that clear?"

"Clear," Klee nodded.

"You are two address me as 'Father.'"

"Papa!"

"Close enough," the agent sighed.

"What an adorable young lady," a person on the street stated, smiling.

"We're the Alberichs. We just moved in down the street today," Calx smiled.

"I am Klee and I have always been Papa's child!" Klee blurted out. Calx wanted to slam his face into the wall.

"Let's go..." he dragged Klee in the direction of the apartment. "You can explore the apartment while I go out to do errands." I have some business to take care of.

Klee clung to Agent Calx's leg despite how he tried to shake her off. "I want a silenced pistol!" she stared up at him.

"If we see one on sale."

She let go of his leg and ran around, grinning. "Ehe! Pistol! Pistol!"

Agent Calx held his chin while staring at Klee. I need to understand how this creature thinks in order for my mission to be completed. For the sake of world peace.

Huh? Understanding Klee meant world peace? She placed her hand over her heart and announced: "I like peanuts. I hate carrots. Oh, I like Bakenry because I love bacon!" she pointed at the bakery.

"That is a bakery. They don't sell bacon."

Klee's jaw dropped. "Then why is it called the bakenry?" she huffed, crossing her arms. Is this kid actually stupid? Maybe the potato experiment showcase was a fluke...is there still time to swap her out?

"Don't get rid of me, Papa!" Klee's eyes filled up with tears. The people hovering around on the street looked in their direction. Agent Calx waved his arms, flustered, not sure why she felt the need to scream this.

"Why are you saying such things?!" Calx looked around. He didn't know how to handle children well considering none of his missions required it. Parenting was hard. Peanuts. She likes peanuts, right?

"I'll get you some peanuts so please calm down," he promised. Klee stopped crying, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Papa, I'm tired. Can't walk." Klee finished her bag of peanuts too fast and now felt the side effects of a full stomach. She wobbled, falling asleep while walking.

It's not working. Calx had heavy bags under his eyes from the lack of energy this day alone had given him. I don't understand how this small human thinks. I need to read up on this. He picked her up before she could fall. Klee nuzzled up against his shoulder, sleeping instantly. I just don't get it.