Spy x Dodoco!

Mission: Find a Wife

"Apparently the offices were robbed." 

"That's horrifying!" 

Kaeya stared at the coffee pot. He wasn't paying attention to the conversation between his fellow staff. 

"Well? Don't you think that robbery was hella creepy?" 

"Hm?" Kaeya turned his head to look at them. "I suppose?" It didn't bother him because the chances of anyone finding anything about him were slim. Considering he'd been asked to kill most of the people that would have dirt on him anyway. 

"Kaeya, you need to come back to planet earth and actually find a lover. Maybe that would ground you in reality and you'd stop dozing off." 

"I heard there are spies everywhere these days. Someone got reported for being a spy just because they were single. You can't stay a bachelor for long, Kaeya, people will start to talk." Right. Because that's all that this person had any interest in doing. So. Being single was suspicious nowadays. Well, he was somewhat attractive. He knew that much. People would start to wonder why he wasn't in a relationship before long. 

"Oh, by the way, I'm throwing a dinner party so you should try and bring someone along to that. I'm doing you a favor by telling you to, you know?" Right. Sure. Of course you were. 

"Ah, sorry, my brother is calling," Kaeya nodded apologetically and picked up his phone. He wandered out of his coworkers' way to answer. 

"How are you doing?" 

"Diluc? I'm doing okay." 

"Have you found anyone? Are you thinking about getting married?" Diluc slammed him with question one by one like usual. He didn't leave time to answer them. "Oh, by the way, I'm getting a promotion next week but that will make me busier than usual so I won't be able to call as much." 

"Oh, congratulations." 

"I'm not looking forward to it," Diluc sighed. 

"Don't feel bad about not being able to check in," Kaeya forced a laugh. 

"I don't want to leave you alone. Should I introduce you to someone?" 

"I'm actually going to a party this weekend." 

"So you have someone?" 

"Yes, something like that." What did he just say? Did he just confess to having a partner when he knew full and well he didn't? 

"Is this party for one of your coworkers?" Diluc's voice became serious. "I'll have to get that one coworker I know of yours to give me the full scoop on your significant other." 

"Eh?" Kaeya's visible eye widened. 

"If you've gotten yourself a bad partner it's my job as your brother to drive that person away," Diluc said, determined. "You need to tell me all about this person of yours." He hung up promptly. 

"What?" Kaeya stared at his phone. But he didn't have a partner! What was he supposed to tell Diluc now?! Should he just try to find someone on a dating app to pretend to be in a relationship with him? Ugh, why did this get so complicated? His phone rang again and he answered, about to explain the situation to Diluc when the voice spoke. 

"I have a client for you, Ice Prince. The Royal Hotel Room 1307." 

...

"Listen man, we rented out this whole floor. You're not allowed to be up here." 

"Did someone order a guy?" 

"Respectfully, Sirs," Kaeya's thin blade, clear and see through, the picture perfect depitcion of ice, twirlled in his hands. "I'v heard that a traitorous scumbag is staying here. I'll have to ask you to let me by." His movements were swift and before the men could retaliate he kicked them through the door at the other end of the hall. The heels on his shoes clacked on the ground as he walked.