False Confidence

Alex

Azriel Huang

Sunshine filtered through mesh drapes as my eyes fluttered open. I groaned,  blinking at the clock that was tilted towards my bed on the nightstand. Glaring white numbers cut through the dimness of my room, 7:06 am. With a satisfied sigh, I stretched out all my tired limbs, needing good use after seven hours staying still.

I reached for the phone discarded on the bedside table, again without the charger plugged in, I continued to forget or just didn't care and it always bit me in the ass the morning after. I shook my head at myself before unlocking it and checking everything as I threw back the duvet cover on my torso. Cold marble flooring jolted me fully awake as my feet came in contact with the icy surface. Sometimes I wished for plush carpet but marble looked nicer.

I trekked the distance to my bathroom, moving to brush my teeth as my eyes avoided the mirror. I once tried to convince my mom to get it moved out but the look of concern had chased me away from ever requesting it again. While quickly brushing my teeth I couldn't help but feel pathetic not even being able to bring myself to look at a mirror. With every stroke of my hand I felt a certain guilt that chased me to move my gaze upwards.

I never had a problem with my face, I liked it even. I had my dad's angular and slanted almond eyes save for the mono lid that I lacked and a beauty mark just in the corner of them. The comment from the humans hadn't bothered me, the glaring amber color of them was something I prided myself on even if it didn't pair well with the dark bags under my bottom lids. I had thought about dying my white hair once but I didn't want to risk damaging the fair white color, silver and darker strands mixed in just like the coat of my wolf. It was fluffy and layered, grown out to reach the tips of my ears.

My stomach only ever seemed to drop when my eyes drifted towards my body. I grimaced at the lack of bulging arms and defined abs. I did have slightly broad shoulders-strong legs and arms too, but I didn't at all look like how an alpha should. With my waist being to thin to be perceived as masculine and my stomach always being tight and strong, deceiving me into thinking they might eventually form into abs yet never did. I did understand that I should be thankful for my form, that at least I'd never be bullied for it like some humans did for having a less muscular physique, but I felt like I needed to be better to live up to the title of Alpha. I needed to be bigger, and bulkier. I needed to be more.

I spit out my toothpaste with disgust, tearing my eyes away from where they rested on the mirror and quickly washed my face. I nearly ran from the bathroom as I finally finished my routine of hygienics. I didn't want to be in the same room as a mirror any longer. I speeded out of the door as I came crashing into a smaller person.

Nora's petite frame came falling down as I reached out to grab her. Luckily my hands gripped onto her torso before she hit the ground. My feet dug into the floor hard as the weight of a whole teenage girl hung from my arms. I peered down to find Nora batting at my hands, scolding me profusely for ramming into her. I could only stare in fear as plump lips mouthed harsh words, her light brown complexion heating into red with her anger.

"Are we interrupting something." Aniya's teasing voice cut through the air, her curvy form resting against the frame of the entrance to my room. Griffin laughed behind her, his tall and broad stature making Aniya appear shorter than normal.

"As if." I snorted, dropping Nora from the two inches she hovered over the ground in my arms. Nora began to yell even louder at me, her Indian accent peaking through as she began to fume in anger. Even her bindi scrunched inward as her eyebrows pressed together in her temper tantrum.