Time After Time (a Stranger Things fanfiction)

Load Out - Stay

"Load Out - Stay"

'Cause when the morning sun comes beating down

You're gonna wake up in your town

But we'll be scheduled to appear

A thousand miles away from here

- Jackson Browne

By the beginning of October, they were ready to go. The house had been sold; a new place in California awaited them. Thanks to Owens, whom Joyce was forcing herself to trust. He had promised that there would be no paper trail to let anyone know where Eleven was, where Will was, that only he would have their address. She had to believe him, because the alternative was to run and hide, to be constantly looking over their shoulders for Hawkins Lab. No, this was better. She hoped.

Hawkins had made the national news after the fire at the mall. Larry Kline had been arrested and put in jail, and the deaths of Hopper and Bob and Barbara Holland and Billy and all the others had been drawn together by the media into one vast conspiracy linked to the shadowy agency that had staffed Hawkins Lab. Unsurprisingly, no one in the government had stepped forward to claim responsibility for that program, or even to explain what it had been doing there, so the speculation amongst the media ran wild.

Joyce and the others tried not to watch, and tried not to be drawn into the gossip locally. Which was easier done because with the Byers family about to move, their little group mostly just wanted to spend time together for as long as possible. Karen Wheeler had tried to draw Joyce into conversation about Hopper and Bob, but Joyce had started to cry—she still couldn't help it, and right at that moment didn't feel much like trying—so Karen had dropped it. Mike and Nancy reported that she had tried to talk to both of them, too, but they had also ducked the conversation.

At last the day came. Everyone gathered at the Byers house to load the U-Haul, the kids arguing as usual about the best way to do it, what should go in first, how things should be organized. The younger kids were still needling Dustin about his duet over the radio with the girl from camp. Joyce didn't see what was so funny—if they hadn't had to wait through that song, Hopper might still be alive right now. But Dustin and his girlfriend had saved the day, so she tried not to dwell on that.

Joyce kept looking around and seeing things that hadn't been packed, wishing they had taken this more seriously and done a little at a time. But they had been busy clearing out Hopper's trailer and what was salvageable from the cabin, keeping what they could use—or couldn't bear to leave—and giving away everything else. Packing their house had been something everyone kept saying they could do tomorrow. Well, now today was here and tomorrow would see them ... somewhere else, and she couldn't believe how much hadn't been packed yet.

She tried to make herself small, stay out of the way. All of the kids had so much to say good-bye to, so many people they would be leaving behind. And she ... was alone. She'd quit her job, finishing her last shift a month ago to focus on the sale of the house and property and making sure Hopper's lawyer had cleared the custody arrangements for Will and Jonathan so Lonnie wouldn't be able to kick up a last-minute fuss about her taking their minor sons out of state. Not that Lonnie cared, but it would be just like him to cause a hassle just to ruin her plans. No, Joyce wasn't leaving anything behind in Hawkins that she would miss except a lot of memories. And those she could take with her.

Alone in her room, Joyce was packing up a pile of Hopper's clothes, in a box marked with his name on it. Just in case. Because neither she nor Eleven could bear to think there was no chance, they would hold on to these things because somehow, in their minds, that kept him alive.

She picked up his police uniform, holding it out, thinking what a good job he had done even though he hadn't really tried for such a long time. Still, he hadn't been able to completely keep himself from being competent. She wondered if he knew how much he had been loved by the community, who had turned out in force for his funeral.

As she began to fold the shirt, something crackled in the breast pocket. Frowning, Joyce dug out a folded piece of paper. It was the speech he had written for El and Mike, the heart-to-heart to make them understand how he felt.

She was still reading his words when El appeared in the doorway behind her holding an old stuffed bear. "Donation box?"

It took Joyce a moment to get her mind off Hopper's words and consider what El was asking. "Uh, yeah, sure."

Pointing at the paper, El asked, "What is that?"

"It—it's the speech that Hop wrote for you and Mike." Joyce smiled a little, thinking of how awkward he had been. Big Jim Hopper, taken down by feelings.

El looked blank. "Speech?"

"Yeah. You know, the heart-to-heart." El continued to look blank, and the truth dawned on Joyce. "He never talked to you, did he?" Typical Hopper. She should have known.

El shook her head. As Joyce was caught somewhere in between laughing and crying and wanting to shake the big idiot, El asked, "Can I read?"

And so Joyce gave it to her, the last words Hopper had for his girl, and when El took it to read alone, Joyce buried her face in his uniform shirt and cried for him. Again.

She gave El a little while to read the letter, to digest Hopper's words, and then she went to her door. "Are you okay?"

El was crying hard, but she looked up and nodded. "Yeah. Time to go?" she asked haltingly.

Joyce nodded. If they waited any longer, they might never leave. "Yeah."

"I'll be out in a minute."

When El was ready, they went outside and found the others waiting for them. The last few boxes were loaded into the truck. And then everyone hugged, and everyone cried, even though most of the boys tried to pretend they weren't, and then Will and Jonathan got into the car and El and Joyce got into the truck, and the Byers family moved away from Hawkins.

*****

There's something I've been wanting to talk to you both about. I know this is a difficult conversation, but I care about you both very much. And I know that you care about each other very much. And that's why it's important that we set these boundaries moving forward, so we can build an environment where we all feel comfortable, trusted, and open to sharing our feelings.

Feelings. Feelings. Jesus. The truth is, for so long, I'd forgotten what those even were. I've been stuck in one place, in a cave, you might say. A deep, dark cave. And then, I left some Eggos out in the woods, and you came into my life and ... for the first time in a long time, I started to feel things again. I started to feel happy. But lately, I guess I've been feeling distant from you. Like you're ... you're pulling away from me or something. I miss playing board games every night, making triple-decker Eggo extravaganzas at sunrise, watching westerns together before we doze off. But I know you're getting older. Growing. Changing. And I guess, if I'm being really honest, that's what scares me.

I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came in here, to try to maybe ... stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were. But I know that's naïve. It's just ... not how life works. It's moving. Always moving, whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad. And sometimes ... it's surprising. Happy. So, you know what? Keep on growing up, kid. Don't let me stop you. Make mistakes, learn from 'em, and when life hurts you, because it will, remember the hurt. The hurt is good. It means you're out of that cave.

But, please, if you don't mind, for the sake of your poor old dad, keep the door open three inches.