death comes and goes // bobs burgers

tina's secret

                                Tina's pov
Tired like everyday I wake up to my alarm. I check my phone to see no messages as normal. Getting up, I choose an outfit and walk out to breakfast. This morning dad made eggs and bacon. We've been struggling in the restaurant lately and dad needs us more than ever but I can't help feeling useless. All the meals have been quieter and it's like we've grown apart. Dad asks us if we did our homework last night but all he got was a couple hums in acknowledgment. I can tell he knows it's different too, but doesn't know what to do. So, we put our plates away and are sent to school. Walking in this silence every day is horrible, we've tried small talk to change things like they used to be but no one ever knows what to really say. I'm not sure what happened but in the past few months every thing changed. Louise and Gene started spending more time in their room. No one talks anymore and it makes me feel more alone than ever. I'd love to be able to talk to them again but i don't wanna be a bother to them. So as we enter the school doors for a billionth time we look at each other for the last time for 7 hours and go our separate ways. We have about 5 minutes before the bell rings and I walk over to my normal group; Tammy, Jocelyn, Zeke and Jimmy jr. "—hh she's coming over." I hear one of them say, I ask what's up and get tons of dry responses. Not sure what to do I try telling them about what I did the night before. Getting sick of it Tammy says "Tina you need to shut up we only let you hang out with us because we pitty you, stop trying to be a leader and be the follower you are." There was silence until the bell rang and we went to first period. I didn't pay any attention, I felt like there was truly no one there for me so I resorted to writing in my journal.
Dear diary, this morning I got told once again how much the only people I have to hang out with despises me. I know I wrote about them a lot and I should leave but I'm scared what will happen when I have no one to hang out with. And Tammy... she takes things to far im worried if she'll try to do anything but at the same time she said she pities me so will she really go through with anything? Especially now that I don't sit with my siblings at lunch where would I go? The bathroom? That's almost worst than not eating lunch at all. I wish there was a way out of this. Or maybe another world where it never happened I could list all the things that would be better than this. Maybe i could convince my parents to let me out of school and work with them, although that's more of a Louise thing so I doubt it would work.
Snapping back to reality i jot down notes from the board. I realized I spent 20 minutes writing meaning only 30 minutes left of first period. My first period is math which is boring and the only person I know here is Zeke, he's always been the nicest to me out of the group probably because he had a crush on me that time ago. It's always nice to think about but not enough to make me wanna stay here anymore. After a long time of very confusing math the next bell goes off. I'm more excited because my next period is science in which I get to sit next to Jimmy Jr. I still like him but not as much as I used to I feel like I can understand him perfectly and I wish that he understood me back but he's sort of oblivious. It's still nice to sit next to him though especially since I actually like science it's one of the best grades I have. Sometimes we have small talk, sometimes we actually do Our work, sometimes we don't talk at all. It makes me feel invisible. Today I walk in and see him with his headphones on so I know we might not talk today I take out my second journal in which I used to write erotic fan fiction. I don't mind if Jimmy Junior sees I've stopped writing about him so it doesn't bother me. Unless he points it out or tells the group about it and then I get made fun of . I wish he wouldn't do that. Sometimes he gets interested which feels nice but sometimes he just laughs and it makes me want to just run out of the class. so Im normally pretty silent in most of my classes given that I'm in my journal so much. About halfway through a transition back to writing notes we have a test tomorrow I hope that I ace it. This test is a huge part of my total grade so even with my A I can't fail it. But other than that science goes by pretty quickly and we move onto third period. I never pay attention in third period, the teacher doesn't care and her class normally just messes around. I don't like this class because Tammy is in it. She's always getting in other business and making fun of people and she just uses Jocelyn as her lap dog. Sometimes she's nice but only when she feels like it. I wish things could go back to how it was when I first met her but something happened to her and I'm not sure what it was. I don't plan on finding out though. Our school has lunch really early lunch so after third period we go to lunch. normally I sit with my group and don't say anything but today I just didn't go to lunch. I went to the guidance counselor hoping to just skip lunch. I only went to go about five minutes before he sent me back so I walked in. grabbed my lunch, and then went to the bathroom and didn't come out until the bell rang again. I heard kids come in and out and they could smell my food which almost gave me away, but in a way it was more peaceful than how it was before, in the cafeteria. It was quieter and I didn't get a headache I didn't eat much but I still preferred it. The rest of the day was really blurry maybe because I got a headache from not eating, I noticed that I've had a low appetite lately and a low memory. This is been happening a lot lately, even mom pointed out I've lost weight. Although I don't think much about it other than the head aches and stuff. I wouldn't call it an eating disorder though, I mean I don't force my self to puke or purposely not eat.. it just kinda happens. Walking home it's blaring hot and i noticed Louise wasn't with us. I asked Gene and he quietly said "detention." I asked why but he didn't know so I guess we'd find out when she came home. She's gotten detention a lot lately and it's worrying me, but whenever I ask she snaps and it's like she's all on edge. When we get to the restaurant i ask if i can study for tomorrows test and dad said "You can leave work early but you still need to do your chores." "Uhhhhhhhhhh" I groan and get to work. I really need to pass this test tomorrow. "Where's your sister?" Asks dad. "She got detention again." Replies gene. "Of course she did. We need to talk to her I need her to do her job. Gene can you do her chores today so Tina can study?" Asked dad. "Sure." Came a mutter from Gene. By the time I finish my chores and get ready to go up stairs Louise walks in with an angry look on her face. "What was it this time?" Mom asked her. I didn't bother staying to listen but I heard a ton of yelling on my way up the stairs. In my room I open my text book and study until dinner. I didn't realize it but I ended spending most of the time staring at the pages instead of reading "dang it." I think to my self on the way to dinner. So here we are once again at the table. Tonight we're eating peas, mashed potatoes and fish. After waiting I realize that louise isn't joining us. "Where's louise? Why isn't she with us?" "As you know Tina, Louise has been.. snapping a lot lately." Mom starts. "And so we decided, after a long time of being patient with her to take some extreme measures, And so everyday for a week she is to come home, do her chores and stay in her room. If her attitude gets better she can come out again." Dad finishes. "Oh." Is all I can muster out. Once again, dinner is silent, when i finish I do my night routine in the bathroom and attempt to study again. I'm so distracted by any noise I can't focus so I start to write.
Dear diary
Mom and dad are punishing louise although from my understanding they still haven't found out why she's so upset. I wish she would tell me things like she used too. And I hope she knows we still love her. I certainly don't feel that way. This family is so dysfunctional I sometimes wonder what it would be like without me. It would be so easy to leave, I mean we do live upstairs And the bathroom has a lot of moms medicine...
Before I can finish writing I hear soft sniffles coming from another room. I hide my journal beneath my pillow and walk out. I hear them from Genes room so I walk in and he stares at me. I close the door behind me and sit on the edge of his bed, "Do you wanna talk about it?" I questioned. "No." He says firmly. "Ok, do you wanna talk about something else?" "No." "Ok, I'm worried about you, we don't have to talk about it but I don't want to leave you so scoot over." I lay down next to him and with no more words we go to sleep. In the morning I wake up to yelling "Tina?!???" I remember I'm still in Genes room so I go out and Mom says "Oh my god Tina why weren't you in your bed?!?" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you I slept in Genes room last night." "Oh baby it's ok, why did you sleep in his room?" She questioned. I had not thought about this. "Uhhhhhhhhhh" is all I can muster before I turn around and walk into my room. Todays Friday so I got dressed and went to breakfast, I was the first person there. Today we're having toast and eggs. We have eggs a lot, dad is still making it and so I sit there in silence when I remember I have a science test today that I hardly studied for. "uhhhhhhh" I groan. "What's up Tina?" Dad asks serving the eggs on a plate. " I tried to study last night and I can barely remember anything and I need to pass this test today." "Well maybe luck well be on your side today just try your best." "Uhhhhhhhhhh" is my only reply. Everyone else comes to breakfast and once again it's quiet. My parents say goodbye and dreadfully I walk to school. "Are you doing ok Gene?" I asked during our walk. "Yea I feel better now. Sorry about last night." I hear Louise groan and speed walk without us. "Do you know what happened to Louise?" I ask again. "No, I wish we could help her though. But she's stubborn so there's no way she'll talk. You know i don't even see her at lunch anymore I wonder where she goes." Gene answers. "Normally I would tell you there's only one way to find out but if she caught us she would probably not talk to us ever again so maybe we need to wait for her to come to us even if it takes a while." "Yea, you wanna sit with me at lunch today... I know it's been awhile." I smile. "That would be nice." We walk up to the school doors, "see you later." And walk to my group. "Tina, I can't with you today can you go somewhere else we're trying to have a conversation and we don't need your weird attitude affecting it." Tammy says right off the bat. "Oh.." luckily when I walk to my Locker the bell goes off. Only two hours until my test i wish time would stop. After hours of stressing it's here. the test is in front of me. I do my best and right before we have to turn it in I noticed I put a lot of Cs in a row. "Uhhhhh" I groan as we turn it in. the teacher said that we could come back at the end of the day to see what we got so that's what I'm planning on doing. It's all I can think about all day other than at lunch when I sat with Gene, we had some lighthearted conversation. In the middle of lunch some kids come over a tease Gene. I don't think they saw me but I tell them to shut up and they say "You need your sister to be a body guard now? Well be back." After they leave I asked Gene if that's what has been bothering him and I can see tears of swelling in his eyes. He finally spills and tells me about the kids have been bullying him, calling him names slurs and even sometimes resorting to violence. about why he was crying last night due to a nightmare he had about them. and the fact that they were bullying him because he was gender fluid and it was leaked by Courtney who only said it to blackmail him. He's a crying mess when the lunch bell rings and I can't do anything to help him I gave him a hug before we go off the class and I don't pay attention for the rest of the day I just write in my diary.
Dear diary,
At lunch Gene told me about everything that's been going on with him and before I could do anything to help him the bell went off. after school today I was going to go see what grade I got on my test but I'm scared to leave him alone I might bring him with me or not go at all. I know just the thing to help him, I can let him try on some of my clothes and see how he feels. I can also learn about being gender fluid so that I can try to help him feel not so alone with his gender. I wish I knew this was going on longer so that I could help him it's just another way I've been useless to the family. I shouldn't be making his coming out about me though which makes me feel even worse and it's just an endless cycle. I hope now that I've made some progress with him maybe I can start to talk to Louise, unless she just is on her wits end. I'll always accept both of my siblings even if they don't accept me back. A lot has changed in the past few months but maybe one day it'll be for the better and not for the worst.
Along with that entry, I also drew some doodles and then suddenly the day was over, so I went to the front to find Gene and I told him to come with me. We went to my class to get my test and the teacher suggested that maybe Gene should stay outside. So he tells me I got a D on my test and that the only way I can pass this semester is if I aced the next project that we're doing. I take the test and say thank you even though I feel like dying on the inside I feel like that a lot. I got outside and I see the same kids pestering Gene again through the window so I quickly tell my teacher and he goes out there and gives all of them detention. On my walk home with Gene, Louise walks behind us, at least she didn't get detention today. We go into the restaurant and mom says "look who came home on time today." as a nudge towards Louise who didn't take it well. She screamed before half Assing her chores and going back upstairs into her room. me and Gene work on our chores and then finished Louise's. our parents told us we didn't have to do that but we both know that there's something going on and we should give her some empathy. When me and Gene finish, I take him upstairs and tell him that I don't know how he's feeling today but if he wanted to try on some of my clothes he had free rein to do so and then until dinner time we pretty much had a fashion show. Dinner was a much better dinner than we've had in a long time the attitude was a lot more upbeat even if Louise was in her room. We actually had conversation and it wasn't just dry replies it was great. I decided that even if it was against mom and dad's wishes maybe I should try talking to Louise. So when mom and dad go to bed I walk into her room and I see her making a motion onto her wrist but I'm not sure what she's holding. "Louise...?" I slowly ask. "What." "What are you doing?" "Get. Out. Tina. Your not supposed to be here." She never turned to look at me and I feared for the worst. I did notice that she had been wearing long sleeves more recently, tomorrow I should check I don't want to alarm anybody though. Going back to sleep as hard but eventually I did it and I woke up the next day, Saturday. Today for breakfast we had cereal Louises allowed to eat with us today because it was the weekend she still had to spend most of the day in her room though. Which was going to make it hard for me to check if she was doing anything. But maybe I could sneak out and look during lunch rush so that is what I'm going to do. Like normal the restaurant was slow during breakfast so we mostly just sat around talking to Teddy and watching the TV as there is no chores to do yet. Around 1130 people started coming in so mom and dad told me to go upstairs and get Louise for the lunch rush. I knocked on her door and told her we needed her for the lunch rush and then I pretended to go to the bathroom until I heard her walk downstairs. I know I don't have much time so I look in common places where I think anything might be hidden, I look in her nightstand and I see some rags they seem to be clean though. When I look on her desk I see normal things like pencils and pens and the pencil sharpener but when I look in the pencil sharpener I see that the razor is gone and the thing I'm most worried about is that she took it with her and she's been doing it at school and that's why she's been so off. I almost wanna break down and cry but I know I need to go back downstairs before people get suspicious. so when I'm slacking at my job dad keeps yelling at me and telling me I need to do better and the worst part was when I accidentally fell and broke a plate. He told me I needed to take a break and go back upstairs so I went upstairs and started writing in my diary again.
Dear diary,
Things have been going pretty downhill for me lately while there has been a little bit of good news versus bad news I think it would just be better if I wasn't here. I keep messing up in the restaurant for dad and Louise can't even stand me. And on top of all of that I can't even pass science and the the only support system I thought I had at school decided I wasn't good enough for them. so this is going to be my pros and cons list to see which one is the winner.
Pros of living :
fashion shows with Gene
Zeke
It's almost My 14th birthday