Green With Love

A Flatulenceful Date

You gaze lovingly across the maggot ridden table and sigh dreamily, as you gaze into the diarrhea colored eyes of the one you love.

"Oh Shreky-poo!" You say, letting out a tiny poot in reverence.

"Oh Y/N!" Shrek sighs, letting out a louder one in return.

You both sniff each other's farts and instantly relax at the smell of the other.

The table is set with many Shrek Swamp Delicacies™️, like eyeball soup, braised donkey testicle, ear wax pie, larvae encrusted croissants and of course, fart infused jello--your absolute favorite if you do say so yourself! You snack on the maggots as you wait for Shrek to say the first words of your romantic dinner.

"Y/N dear, I'm so glad to have finally found you! I was afraid I never would! Everyday since meeting you I have let out a blast like no other through the forest,"

You glance outside the moss stained windows to confirm and see many distinct trails of destroyed trees in perfect fart lines around the hut.

"I have waited every singly day for you and I cannot wait for our love to be forever. Now love....let us eat!"

You hurriedly grab the first thing in front of you --the donkey testicles-- and stuff it in your mouth. The flavor explodes in your mouth as you bite down and the balls pop.

"OMG SHREKSTER THIS TASTES SHOOOO GWOOOD!!!!" You scream out, mouth stuffed full with balls.

Shrek hmmms in agreement as his lips press against yours and sucks one of the testicles into his mouth.

"Mmmmmm delectable, but not delectable as you!" He moans, eyes becoming heavy lidded and tracking from your chest to face.

You feel yourself blush. How scandalous! Premarital kissing!!! You might as well undress there and pull your cock out! But alas no!!! You can't!! At least, not while Shrek's ugly little pet dog is still in this house.

The stupid thing glares up at you from under the table, gnawing on your bare toes.

Apparently his name is Cal but you frankly couldn't care about the thing because it is NOTHING compared to it's owner. If you could have your way, you would fling that thing into the sky with your famous Sky Rocketeer Fart Destroyer 3000, courtesy of your ass within 24 hours of consuming 74 cans of beans. You glare back at it with hate in your heart before turning your own gaze back to the most gorgeous thing in the world: Shrek <3.

As you polish off your meal, Shrek keeps dropping more and more hints that he wants to bone. First he farts a little every time you turn your eyes to him, then he starts sexily slurping up his eyeball soup, playing with the balls on his tongue, next he blow jobs his fork while eating pie--you can feel yourself harden like the kidney stone brewing in your bowels, currently and you cannot tear away your seeing orbs from this sexy sexy SEXY snot colored man.

Finally you cannot take it anymore.

"SHREK!" You roar out before releasing an earth shattering fart that shakes the dinner table and blows away Cal into the next dimension.

Shrek flushes bright green at this and turns away in shame.

"I-I'm sorry for teasing you senpai, b-butt you just looks so" *pants* "ALLURING in that tight black bodysuit of yours~"

Shrek moans out as he reaches across the table to hold your hand in his.

"Darling," you say "let me hear it to know your truthful." You sob out, hoping Shrek is truly implying what you think he is.

Shrek farts so hard that it immediately starts a sink hole in Lord Farquad's castle and you jump for joy.

"YIPEEEEEEEEE" You squeak out, squeezing Shrek's hand and reducing all of his finger bones to dust.

"I love you sooooo much!!!"

A tear escapes Shrek's eye and suddenly his eyes turn hard and determined, (just like your dick) he turns away from you suddenly.

Hurt, you reach out to touch him, but a small fart from him blasts your hand away. Oh no! You think what have I done!

Just when you are about to run away in an anime school girl style as you begin to sob, a green hand catches you by the shirt and tears it off, stopping you in your tracks.

"WAIT!" Shrek shrieks out to you, so afraid of losing the stinky precious little meow meow he spent so much of his life searching for.

He twists you around and forcefully sits you down on a chair, breaking all of its legs in the process and making him hold you up by one of your meaty asscheeks.

"D-Don't go!" Shrek whimpers, looking like what happened when you kicked Cal into a well earlier.

"I-I actually have something to give you..."
Shrek blushes and moves his eyes around the cabin, everywhere but you.

He shivers and shakes a bit before pulling something right out of his ass and kneeling down.

OMG you think Is he gonna ask me to play leapfrog-twister-just-dance-mariokart-dick-smasher-kombat-3 with him??

"Will you do me the honor of being ass gas buddies for life?"

Alas he doesn't but while your disappointment is immeasurable and vast, the thought of polluting the air with your shared flatulence fills you up with warm(th) gas.

"YES!" You cry out,

"Oh yes! my peepeepoopoo green goblin wannabe man! Oh yes my trampled grass blade! Oh yes yes yes my green DILF mommy milkers boobalicious man!"

You scream so hard your vocal chords break and in the heat of the moment, rush forward, (crushing the table to splinters) and claim his lips, sucking them into your mouth like a vacuum cleaner and wriggling your long snakelike tongue down his throat.

Oh what a joyous day this has been!

"I can't wait to call you my husband!" You exclaim after letting Shrek up for air and then diving back down to smooch and camooch him some more.

                              Shrek <3 Y/N