THE PSO (Phone Sex Operator)

A tinkle & second chances

"Zach! Wake up! It's an emergency." I shake his shoulder.

"Ugh," he moans, rolling onto his back. His hair flops against his face and he lazily pushes it away, revealing his squinting eyes. "I swear to god, Sarah, if there isn't a half-naked, buff Greek God in our living room, I'm going to be pissed."

I lean back on the heels of my feet, perching on the left side of his live, laugh, fuck slogan duvet cover. I purposely try to avoid looking at his hideous yellow walls. His choice in paint literally hurt my soul.

"Where's the piss bottle?" I ask, ignoring him.

"The bathroom," he says in a where else would it be tone of voice.

To clarify, a piss bottle is not a bottle full of urine. It is a silicon bottle (no noise when handled, unlike plastic ones) with an open flow teat on top. Filled with water and sprayed into the sink, it sounds remarkably like someone urinating.

Which is exactly the sound effect I need right now.

"It's not! I have a guy on the phone right now who's moments away from blowing his load. What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh shit," Zach curses, sitting up. "Use the tap?"

"A tap does not sound like someone pissing. Unless that person has a serious sounding kink."

He scrunches up his nose. "What ones sounding again?"

 I knew he had not been paying attention when I taught him all the different kinds of sexual kinks! Luckily for him, I do not have time to lecture.

"It's the one where people shove different size instruments up their pee-hole to stretch it out. Can you focus, please? This dude wants to hear me piss and he wants to hear it now!" I whisper as if Ryan - the client - would be able to hear me, despite me having muted the call.

Zach wraps his duvet around his shoulders, his hair in disarray. "So why don't you just take a piss and let him listen."

"Because I don't have to go!"

He nods, tongue working his cheek in thought, and then suddenly he stops, looking at me completely serious. His hands land on his hips.

"I can solve your problem." He lowers his voice to a dramatically deep tone, sounding as if he had walked straight out of a superhero movie.

"Oh god."

"-but with great sacrifice comes great responsibility-"

"Stop," I beg as he rises from the bed and points at me.

"My entire life has been leading up to this moment." At least he was no longer doing that silly voice. His feet touch the floor, and he heads towards his door. "Grab your phone. I've got this."

--

"I promise you; I'm not looking!" I assure him.

Zach grumbles from where he stood in front of the toilet, penis in hand. "For the record, I don't usually have performance anxiety."

"I am not judging."

Though I do wonder where his confidence has gone from a few minutes ago. My eyes stare at the bathroom door, away from Zach, as I perch on the edge of the bathtub next to him, holding my phone close to the toilet seat. My thumb hovers over the unmute button.

"Oh! Oh! It's happening!" Zach shouts excitedly. The tell-tale sound of someone pissing swiftly follows. "Quick! Before it gets shy again!"

I shush him and use my hand to shield my eyes as I unmute Ryan who had been waiting patiently. Then I put him on loudspeaker, so I don't have to get any closer to Zach's junk than I already was. My eyes return to the door.