Unleashing Chaos

Chapter Forty-Two

DESI

I'm sitting in front of my mother's vanity, wearing an elegant, form-fitting black lace dress. It's floor-length, with a train that extends nearly a foot and a half behind me. No one wears white dresses for bonding ceremonies in Infernis; it's a joke to think that anyone is a virgin by the time they get to that step of a relationship. Black is the traditional color of choice, and I am no different.

My mother stands behind me, braiding my curls into a giant French braid that she drapes over one shoulder, showcasing the back of my dress—it is backless, the deep v going all the way down to the small of my back, just over where my panty line would be (if I were wearing any). On the vanity in front of me sits the crown that will symbolize my rule for eternity—rose gold with black diamonds, intricately twisted into a design that somehow looks both dark and dainty.

"You're breathtaking, Desideria," my mother says, bending down to check my makeup and ultimately deciding I look perfect. "A true queen."

I smile, and I am aware it doesn't reach my eyes. "Thank you, Mother."

She cocks her head to the side and sits next to me on the bench. "Darling, are you all right? I know this isn't how you expected things to go. Everything changed so fast."

I cannot hide the tears in my eyes. "I miss him, Mama," I murmur, calling her the name I haven't used since I was a little girl.

"Miss who?"

She knows, she always knows. But that doesn't mean she will save me from saying my feelings out loud. My mother has never let us hide from our emotions. No matter how hurtful the subject, she always gently coaxed it from us. As soon as the words were said, my brothers and I felt a million times better. She always knew best, and she still does.

"Jace," I whisper, the word barely a breath on the tip of my tongue.

Placing her index finger beneath my chin, she lifts my face to hers. "Then why are you tethering your forever to Cannon's? He is a nice man and very handsome, but you love another."

I shake my head and try to look away from her, but she won't allow me to. She has more strength in one finger than I do in my whole body. So I meet her hazel eyes and continue, even though it's breaking my heart. "Because he will never be with me. I thought he loved me too, I really did. And hell, maybe he does. But even so, he won't allow himself to be loved. I gave him every opportunity, a hundred chances to come with me. But he let me go. And Cannon knows that this is platonic, that there may never be love beyond best friendship. He knows all of that. And he still wants to stand by my side." I shrug. "I figured if I can't have a sweeping love story like you and Father, I might as well have the friendship of a lifetime."

"Oh, Desideria."

My mother pulls me in her arms and I can no longer fight back the tears. Just this one time will I let myself cry for what could have been. If only I came into Jace Wilder's life earlier. If only he wasn't so deeply hurt. If only I was enough to help heal him. The lot we were dealt is what it is, and no one can open Jace to allow love in but himself. Unfortunately, I'm another casualty in the wreckage he refuses to leave behind.

She runs her palm over my back and remains silent for several minutes, just letting me cry. Finally, when I sit up and take a deep breath, she runs her fingertips under my eyes and smiles. "Thank Lilith for waterproof mascara, hm?" I can't help but smile and she rubs her thumb over my cheek. "There's my strong girl. I know this isn't exactly what you want right now, but Cannon is your best friend, yes?"

I nod and sniffle, pushing my hair back into place. "Besides Jace, yeah."

"Time is a funny thing. It can help friendships bloom into love. All hope for your love story is not lost. Your prince charming may be a different character than you thought."