Just 'A Guy' || Wilbur Soot

*6*

!TW! Talk about poor mental health and dissociation!!!

Friday

The sun pressed through my blinds and onto my eye lids, gently raising them and telling me to get up. I thought about just sitting in bed, wallowing in excuses and selfishness

I'm still a little later than normal but I feel a lot better physically when I finally do decide I should get up, which makes the extra sleep is worth it

It's Saturday, so I'm not gonna go to the café, but instead to my Mum's old property because I need to get out to a place that's not Allison's. My mother passed away when I was about 13; she had cancer and since then I've always kept a purple bracelet of braided ribbon

I can't keep being reminded that I have almost no life. My mental health has been decaying slowly, no matter how much I try to push it off.

I really have no friends besides Allison but she's always working, and when she's not she's with Noah. William is... someone. Someone I want to be important to and I don't know how.

Im always inside or at the restaurant and it's old. And I feel stuck and gross. So I'll leave.

I have a car, not a license but an old car that my mum gave to me before she passed and I keep at her old house.

To get to my mother's house I need to take a quick train ride and walk a bit into her neighborhood

All I take is my phone and my headphones and I go to leave, letting Stenson be by himself. But right as I step out of my door, I get a text from Allison

Ali <3

Ok, glad to know you were asleep. Sorry again, my job's just really important and I can't just say I don't want to go. I know you can but I have a scheduled salary

Part of me burns. Is she mocking my job? I slam my door and walk as quickly as possible to the lobby. Does she think I just decided 'yeah not gonna write today and instead I'm gonna fucking puke'? I am furious. Tears brim my eyes as I walk down the road and see the café. I put my head down as to not see her.

*

The train ride to my mothers is fine. I sat by myself and listened to music, I don't even know what I was listening to. I just listened and internally yelled at Allison, I'm not the type of actually yell Eventually it was my stop and I walked a little calmer as I made my way through the run down neighborhood until I made it to her house.

When I reached the house everything was un-used and the garage was shut, I typed in the code for it to open.

There it was. My car. I climb in and turn on the Bluetooth setting to connect to my phone . 505 by the Arctic Monkeys comes on as I back out of the driveway and into the street.

*

I'm not mad. Not anymore. Not after I've driven. Now I've just gotten off the train and I'm on my way home

I feel better, cleaner almost. I texted Allison "that hurt" and left it there, there were more notifications but most were Twitter so I didn't check them. I know it's time to have some distance.

It's not like she's a bad person, not at all. We just don't work. I've known forever that she wasn't mine. Like my person; the one I could go to when I'm sad or lonely.

Then again, I'm a writer with a cat, who would want to hang out with me? I like watching everything made by Lin-Manuel Miranda and re-reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and dreams of a house full of pets.